i've just signed on again and checked the days since I last gambled and saw it said 22. Ive just edited it to reflect reality and now I feel like just letting it all out on here.
I was round at my mates last Sunday night and we were having drinks and catching up. We caught up on a lot of things as we hadn't seen eachother for a while and then gambling came up. I felt like a bet on the online slots and while I cant do it as im Gamstoped and Gambanned I suggested I use his account if i transfer money over to use in his account. Ended up transfering a stupid amount in the end considering what I had just got paid. It paid off for the moment though and within seconds id doubled my salary, it went from his casino account, to his bank account to mine in seconds. It didn't feel real.
The night went on and we tried to just push past that hoping to just start a conversation about something else and move on. It wasnt long before I wanted another go. I transferred quite a bit of that back over to him, again it went well, and another bulk of cash was sent to the withdrawal. This time because it has gone midnight and we were in a bank holiday it pended and didnt immediately process like the first one.
So that was that. Now at this point once that withdrawal reached me I should be way in profit for the session and I should have just walked away. For some reason I found myself back in the casinos again on the bank holiday monday while i waited for that withdrawal to clear to me as something had kicked off in my brain now saying this was a financially beneficial thing to be doing. So now ive lost the money thats in my account. But its okay because im still due that pay out from my mates account once its finished pending. So i go round borrowing from friends, telling them im due £2,200 once it all clears and im in the middle of something in town and can you help. They said okay and now im owing money out to people.
Its the 1st September now and im chasing up that withdrawal from my mate who turns around and tells me that the casino had said we werent due it and that we had spent it all that night and that there was nothing left. I knew there was money there and i knew he was lying to me so i stormed down to his house and we had it out with eachother for him to eventually confess that it did go through but he put it back in. The only way im getting this back now if from his weekly wages. This is no good now as I now I have bills and direct debits that are bouncing left right and centre, and the bank have now suspended my online banking because they dont like what they were seeing on my account and assume its fraud. After trying to sort that out over the phone i was told i had to go in branch with ID to explain all these transactions. I told them about my gambling problem and they offered support.
So after being madly in profit I now find myself owing out money to people that I just cant afford right now. I have my daughter with me now this weekend and im just f*****g massively depressed and havent been able to do anything with her as ive just been in bed for most of the day. Even her maintainence money bounced to her mother for the first time ever which made me sick to my stomach.
Im in the darkest hour ive ever been in with gambling now. The only thing stopping me doing something stupid is the fact my daughter for whatever reason depends on me. I'm already on SSRI's for my depression and I have debts already that I know follow me everywhere I go.
I've let myself down and everyone around me, I just feel my world would be better off without me in it bringing them down with me.
Thats me
C
Hi Cal,
I can relate to your post and how you must be feeling. I’ve been there in that moment many, many times. Winning and winning and winning and then lose the lot because I simply could not stop. Basically, we will play until we lose. Its not right. With all other things in life you’d think I can keep going because surely I cant win every time but that logic never seems to apply with gambling.
The feelings that you experience now are awful but they will subside. You simply must find a way to stop. As you said your daughter depends on you and she will most definitely love you very, very much.
You can stop. The losses stop immediately and life begins to change. With all transformation, it is difficult at the beginning and gets progressively easier. In the meantime, your life will improve and slowly but surely things get better very quickly. You will recognise the difference in you but for everyone else and especially your daughter they will see massive changes which they will benefit from.
Today, I’m 346 days gamble free. 347 days ago I lost over seven grand in an hour. That was the last time.
You can do it. Believe in yourself.
Take control. Do whatever it takes. Its worth it.
RR
Hi Cal.J,
Well done for coming on to the Forum and sharing your story. From what you have written it looks like the past week or so has been really difficult. I am glad you have been able to use the forum as an outlet for this.
I would encourage you to call the helpline and talk things through with one of our advisers. They will be able to offer you support and some practical advice with everything you have going on right now. They would even be able to refer you for some free one to one treatment if you feel this would be useful for you.
I can see you are feeling very low at the moment, you are not alone in this Cal and along with our advisers there are other helplines available if you feel you need to talk.
Samaritans are available on 116 123
CALM 0808 58 58 58
Shout have a crises text line you can use on 85258
You can speak to your GP and please always call 999 in an emergency.
Please reach out for support, there is always someone on our helpline on 0808 8020 133 - 24/7, you don't have to go through this alone.
Take care.
Rebecca
Forum Admin.
I cant really add anymore than whats been said above which is excellent advice apart from please let Gamstop really mean Gamstop, I know that is easier said than done but I wish you all the best.
yep this is the gamblers lifestyle i cant count how many emotions i went through last year when i was hitting up online tables
its exhausting and sometimes you just have to have a look in the mirror and say yep ive been a clown time to start putting things back together
with regards to the siutation with your freind you should know better than anyone that gamblers cant be trusted because they cant control themsleves
a bloke i met in work many moons ago convinced me to go to the casino with him , he did his bollax in within 30 mins and then wanted me to lend him a hundred quid to try and win it back .......safe to say i never saw that money again it was just excuse after excuse after excuse
when you are living life paycheck to paycheck it can be really difficult to get in the mindset of saving a bit of it ....and the idea of gambling what little is left to try and get more seems very appealing but it never works out that way the system is designed to bleed you dry
suck it up , get some stuff on ebay smash some overtime in the next couple of weeks things will start looking better by october
Hey Cal, I hope you're doing OK. I know you know I'm new here so I don't really have any advice to give but I just want to say how much I admired your post and your honesty, that takes a lot of guts. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Take care of yourself.
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