So far I have managed to complete 5 months free from gambling, and made considerable efforts to clear my debt.
However, I still haven't told my partner.
It's weird, as since I've stopped gambling, I now feel even more guilt about them not knowing. Maybe this is because it has taken me to stop gambling to finally have the realisation of what I have done.
I plan to tell them this month, after payday (1 week's time) so I can add another month's reductions to the total.
The sad thing is, they keep asking me why I seem so stressed, and what they can do to help. If only I hadn't been such a coward and could have admitted this years ago before it got so bad. I feel terrible, as they would do anything for me and genuinely care about my wellbeing, whilst I've gambled a large amount that would have been so useful for our future.
When I tell them, I don't want them to help with the payments, but I just hope that telling someone will bring me some relief, and remove some of the weight this secret burden has placed upon me.
I really hope that by proving I have been able to stop for 5 months so far, and focus my efforts on repaying, that they won't leave me.
I guess I'll find out in just over a week's time.
I don't think you should feel guilt, I think you should feel very proud of yourself , and if your family love, care for you and the main thing...see you have done something about this, they wont leave you 🙂
You have done amazingly to do this on your own so far and deserve a massive pat on the back for that.
Personally, the sooner I told my husband and family the better it was for my mental health, my moods and moving forwards.. I was scared my hubby would leave me after the very last time of saying I will stop after having not stopped over and over for many years, thinking I could do it by myself.. he told me he loved me very much but couldn't stand it much longer after so much money trouble I had gotten us in over the years, that broke my heart to hear him say that.
But 39 days ago he actually saw I was doing something about it , I hope for one final time he will stick by me while I do this properly because I love my family more than the world and will try to fight this addiction with as many weapons as I can just to not lose them.
You already have under your belt 5 months, that's amazing! I'm only on day 39 but would like to see this life as MY life, not one of a gambling addict, so I will fight on every single day.
Just not having to lie, be secretive and cover up stuff is a massive amount of weight off the shoulders and helped me also have more strength to remain gamble free. I wasn't lying or covering up stuff anymore, it was hard telling him though.. my husband (as much as he is amazing and I love him very much for lots of things) is half germanic and has a crazy sense of logic, which is good! But even buying carrier bags when I have some in the boot of the car, sets him off on a tangent lol. So I knew telling him 'again' would be very scary but I had to. I have done so much damage and he has been through so much putting up with me so I will not judge him for his logical sense. What is marriage without honesty though.
I just think being honest with your family, no matter what responses may scare or worry you that they will have, it is definitely a positive thing for peace of mind, honesty and a happy life.
Best wishes,
angel x
So motivating reading your story on your other thread. A lot of similarites and same timescale for clearing debts etc. Seeing that you are 5 months in and have managed to go gambling free and get the debt down is proof to me it can be done. I am also trying to be frugal with money.
When I stopped before for 9 months two years ago I had your fears of telling people. The first thing I did was tell a close friend, absolutely amazing feeling to get it off my chest in the pub ( He had worked it out though as he had seen me lose fortunes before, even though I would tell him it was just winnings) The weight will fly off your shoulders. I texted him about it most weeks which stopped me from feeling so stressed.
When I told family, I did it through text first. I dont think there is any shame in doing it through written communication. What this allowed me to do was make sure they could read the whole story before we discussed it. By the time I came home it was a calm discussion and support. I did not want to tell them face to face incase they panicked.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to seeing your posts and achieving your goals
Thank you so much for your kind words both of you. Well done for both having the courage to confide in someone and move your addiction from some secretive area of destruction to one in which you can receive support.
Reading your posts has helped to spur me on to tell her this weekend. Hopefully by Sunday I can come back here and say I have finally done it!
Good luck with your journeys and keep going in the right direction. It feels much better not to be bogged down with gambling doesn't it?!
Finally took the plunge and told her today. Best thing I could have done.
Don't get me wrong... typing the message and writing the letter both made me physically sick and I did have a lot of tears, but to have it out in the open has lifted a weight from my shoulders.
I still feel incredibly guilty about what I have done and how I must have disappointed her now she knows. But her reaction has been to support me and comfort me, showing that my fear she would leave was irrational. She was actually worried that I was gonna leave her because my behaviour had been off for a while. I feel bad that she had been feeling this way.
My advice to anyone struggling with owning up would be to just do it! You will feel better knowing that you aren't lying to your partner anymore and removing that secrecy is such a relief.
I think I might try and take my recovery into the real world for a bit and have a break from here for a while or perhaps just not spend so much time on here.
Good luck everyone and thanks again for the support.
Whilst ur so true honesty is best but if u actually read on some peoples storys here thats not allways turned out true but im glad it did for you
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