Yet another payday where I have lost all my money for bills on gambling

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addict4life
(@addict4life)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Hey everyone, as the title says I have just lost all my wages on gambling, money that I need for food and bills etc, with my next payday not until another 4 weeks. I was actually winning to start with but once I started losing the inevitable happened and I started chasing losses. I then deposited more than I should of but left the £300 I needed for bills and essentials in my bank account. I was determined and adamant that I would make sure I didn't touch this £300. Again I started winning and got up to £1200. I then started losing and chasing again until I was down to £300. I then put this £300 on one hand in blackjack and got dealt 8 and 3. The dealer was dealt a 5. The temptation for me to double on my 11 was too much, especially as the dealer had a 5, and I therefore deposited the £300 for bills that I said I wasn't going to touch so that I could double. My next card was a 4 and the dealer then got a 10 and 3. Just like that all my money was gone. I now have no way to pay my bills or for food etc, let alone do anything or go anywhere for the next month. This has happened so many times and im just so fed up with it. I just can't help myself and I need serious help. I could write an essay on how gamling has affected me but to cut a long story short, gambling has completely ruined my life in so many ways and i'm now in my 30s with nothing to look forward to. Feeling very depressed and fed up as always. My first ever post at the following website goes into more detail regarding my gambling addiction and its effects on my life; http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/my-life-and-how-ive-lost-hope. Thanks.

Steve.

 
Posted : 18th January 2016 4:15 am
Change
(@change)
Posts: 1701
 

Hi Steve - I read through both your posts. The first one was in May and it seems like you're still well gripped by this addiction. I could sympathise with you but that's not what you need as it just perpetuates a feeling that you've been unlucky or you deserve a break. The truth is you need to make it happen. It appears way too easy for you to gamble. How is it possible for you to gamble online? You need to have excluded from all sites and get some blocking software. It's that simple as a starter. That will prevent you from easily gambling and enable you get to get back on track. I don't think you'll go this though as it will cost some money and it will be too scary for you as you don't want to close the door to gambling. I'm afraid if you don't take the leap you'll be in this same situation in another 6 months time. I'm sorry if this comes across slightly harsh but I have to be honest and I have to tell you that you're the only one who can change. It's not easy not you've got to do it if you want a better life. I'm on day 43. I set out on this mission 12 months ago and I've probably had 5 relapses. Each one has led me to shut another door on gambling. I now find it very hard to have an opportunity to gamble. This is just the start the next stage is to deal with what's caused me to gamble and to correct that life issue. Good luck.

 
Posted : 18th January 2016 8:05 am
kevz123
(@kevz123)
Posts: 85
 

Steve, no offense mate but are you here because you want to quit, or because you're skint again?

Please please make it the former - gamblers never, ever win. Being a few quid up then spewing it all back plus more just described a day in the life of any one of us at our peak.
We don't win.
The winners are the ones who can gamble responsibly, well within their limits and have fun with it as an enjoyable occasional pastime - something which literally seems an alien concept to me. Enjoyment from having a small bet and rolling with the wins and losses with a smile...

I'm glad you're closing those doors to yourself. Excluded from bookies? Web-filter applied to your phone and computer? They were an absolute life-saver for me, quite literally. Now and again I click a link for "Full Tilt Poker" when it lands in my e.mail inbox and it's actually a relief when access is immediately denied with red flashing lights!

Getting down to the root cause of your gambling might not be so easy. By now it's probably just muscle memory, or boredom, but there was a reason you started and a couple of counselling sessions might get to the bottom of it.

I sincerely hope you stick around. I just signed back up after a little relapse and it feels good to have this support.

 
Posted : 18th January 2016 11:24 am
kevz123
(@kevz123)
Posts: 85
 

Kev again. I just read your first post from last year.
Steve, please tell me you're considering K9 security now? Get your parents to install it with an uncrackable password! Hoping for that one big win then installing the software afterwards is a joke, because it never comes. You might win a grand, but then all of a sudden....wow that was easy, I could probably spin that into £10,000. I'll walk away then, promise.

Promise yourself all you like, but how much have you lost since May chasing that big one? Please Steve, the only time you start to win is when you STOP gambling. It took ages for that to sink in with me. I won £16,000 in one night on a large UK gambling site playing roulette after starting with an £80 stake. Trouble is, they only allow you to withdraw £2000 every 24 hours.

By the time I'd withdrawn £4000 I'd spewed the other £12k. And by that time, I wasn't feeling like I was 4 grand in profit, it was like the other 12 had been MINE. How DARE they take it away? Obviously the rest went back in and instead of a nice holiday, or paying back some debts (god forbid) I lost the lot, then carried on chasing for the next few months.

Gamblers don't win. We aren't wired the same way as regular folk pal. Intelligent people, but with a little mis-firing synapse that makes us do silly things...

 
Posted : 18th January 2016 11:36 am
Change
(@change)
Posts: 1701
 

Hi Steve - you get through today ok? 1st day is always hard. Let us know how you're doing.

 
Posted : 18th January 2016 10:33 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)
Posts: 2156
 

Hi Steve.

We are all here to help you on this forum. You must now get extra help and put the blocks on. Is there nobody close because its time to hand over your computer/phone so it can be blocked and monitored.

Blackjack is no soft game and there is a guy so addicted that he documented on public media facing prison with a million dollars worth of debt. It should never be online ot anywhere else for that matter

You are causing yourself extreme financial pain and its clearly not money you should be anywhwere near thinking of losing. Its ruining you and the chase is causing you to gamble far too much. Its not healthy behaviour as you realise when writing that

We can go blue in the face but you have to be ready to stop and not just stop losing. There are many gamblers including me that took a while to get serious about stopping.

I will be blunt. You earn a certain amount like we do and that is yours to live on. Gambling is not a income booster. Its a deadly and stacked game of chance. You dont seriously think the gambling houses set it up to give you a booster income do you. You are ignoring the real odds of card games or anything else. If it was an income booster Steve nobody would go to work. They are sensible enough to know its a mugs game for losers

Put the blockers on and please get some counselling and family help if you can.

You have to be ready and if you dont take direct blocking action you will continue to relapse time and time again.

You need to gather your pride and block everything. The pain of getting through a month looms and I reckon you wouldnt tell your boss you are a gambler. I knew a gambler who lost hos job because he was pestering people for money every monday morning.

Youre a fighter and you will get through it. Surely this is enough now without putting extra measures in place. Is there anybody you can talk to at home.

Please ring gamcare and a doctors appointment wouldnt be a bad idea

My best wishes

 
Posted : 18th January 2016 11:12 pm
addict4life
(@addict4life)
Posts: 11
Topic starter
 

Hey everyone, thanks for all the feedback and helpful advise. You all speak so much sense. The thing that I really struggle with however is the fact that even if I never gambled again from today onwards, I will still be in a horrible situation due to my past gambling exploits. I will still be paying off debts for years to come with hardly any money left for myself, i will still have to live with the fact that gambling has ruined my life for the past 14 years and for many more to come, I will still have to accept that my one chance of enjoying and making the most of my years being a youth have been ruined, my reputation will still be shattered, I still won't have many options or choices for my life ahead due to my financial situation, my prospects for a relationship and even a family will still be useless, I will still have to work long hours in a job I don't really enjoy to enable me to pay my debts, I could go on and on.

I am currently in a situation where I am unable to get into anymore debt and have agreed a lengthy repayment plan so as crazy as this might sound, the way I see it is that if I stopped gambling as from tommorrow, I will be paying off my debts for a long time to come by working long hours in a job I don't enjoy with not much hope for me or options available to me. By the time the debt is paid off I will be too old to restart my life and do the things i've always wanted to do. If however I carried on spending any spare money I did have left on gambling, at least I would have a small chance of clearing my debt sooner in the way of a nice win. A win which I have had on a few occassions in the past and so I know is possible. That way I could exclude myself after that and restart my life far sooner. In all honesty I genuinely feel no hope for the future regardless of whether I stop gambling or not due to the situation my life is in because of years of gambling. Sorry for the negativity but I have to be honest. Again thanks for reading.

Steve.

 
Posted : 21st January 2016 3:26 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)
Posts: 2156
 

Hi Steve.

The debt situation is something that you will have to face head on. You deal with it in this way. You can only afford to pay anybody back after living expenses. Life goes on and you cant let debts make you ill because thats how gambling and ill behavoiur starts again

Living expenses do include an allowance to entertain yourself and keep a healthy state of mind. You will need financial advice and I would say to anybody in the mire not to rule out bankruptcy. However that is a decision not to be taken lightly. There is a point where you cant go on with the burden of debts but only you know your financial situation. Theres simply a point where it must come to a head. Ive been bankrupt and can assure you that life goes on and a small credit record can be built up again. Never be a borrower if possible in life

Gambling does ruin lives and if you are facing years of debt you need help and advice from the CAB and others.

Ive been a credit controller and a bank clerk which is why its crazy how the addiction can get hold of anyone.I used to be careful with money but those machines have always held an addiction to a greater or lesser extent. I am now blocked and mention everywhere I see a machine that they are a problem and Im not to be near them (without causing too much of a scene).

I do it with pride though because the slant is that they are causing people problems by installing one. They shouldnt be there at all!

What I will say is facing life is way better than the pain and shame of gambling. Life can be tough and we get the pleasure we make from it. Gambling isnt the answer to any of our spiritual or emotional needs.

Weve all done those awful bad atmosphere, dead end jobs steve. I hated the first job after school and stuck it for five years. I didnt realise how ill it was actually making me. I know the jobs market and thats why gambling becomes an escape tactic. You would benefit from talking about your stress with a counsellor. have you considered training or night school? I know there a no easy answers to earning in this world but gambling will take you and leave you ruined in the gutter...... job or no job.

In a way you have to grab life and think well Ive got a job and im going to make the most of it and improving myself.

I do wish you all the best.

 
Posted : 21st January 2016 4:35 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

addict4life wrote:

Hey everyone, as the title says I have just lost all my wages on gambling, money that I need for food and bills etc, with my next payday not until another 4 weeks. I was actually winning to start with but once I started losing the inevitable happened and I started chasing losses. I then deposited more than I should of but left the £300 I needed for bills and essentials in my bank account. I was determined and adamant that I would make sure I didn't touch this £300. Again I started winning and got up to £1200. I then started losing and chasing again until I was down to £300. I then put this £300 on one hand in blackjack and got dealt 8 and 3. The dealer was dealt a 5. The temptation for me to double on my 11 was too much, especially as the dealer had a 5, and I therefore deposited the £300 for bills that I said I wasn't going to touch so that I could double. My next card was a 4 and the dealer then got a 10 and 3. Just like that all my money was gone. I now have no way to pay my bills or for food etc, let alone do anything or go anywhere for the next month. This has happened so many times and im just so fed up with it. I just can't help myself and I need serious help.

I have just read all your posts and have to admit to wanting to shout at the screen as I read. Your last post says you believe you can get out of debt more quickly by continuing to gamble spare cash. The problem is (and I have been there too) that you lose your spare money and then start using your 'going out/luxuries' money, then your 'non essentials' money, then 'food' money and then 'bills' money. Or something like that. Basically you will continue to lose ALL your money as that is the grip gambling has on you. You yourself said how you were 'up and winning' on more than one occasion yet you still lost it all. I've chased losses so many times and even once gambled my mortgage money. I have a husband and two small children and the fear of losing them and potentially my house brought me to my senses. I eventually told my husband and Mum and have not gambled since August. It took me a while to get to where I am now and it's not been easy. I felt compelled to write as I see my own history in your story and hope to make you realise that you cannot win while you continue to gamble.
You obviously realise you have a problem as you come to this forum but without meaning to sound rude, now is the time you need to take the advice you have been given and get the blocks in place.
There is loads of positive advice on here and lots of people to offer support but I don't believe any of them would suggest it is ok to continue gambling, especially with the intention of reducing debts.
Sorry for the long post. I hope it comes across in the right way and perhaps makes you realise the only way of winning at gambling is not to do it.

 
Posted : 22nd January 2016 11:26 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

You are past the point of naivety about gambling. Many people start thinking its easy money and a passage to a better life. You know now that isn't the case and in fact the exact opposite is true. Time to end the excuses and get some control in your life. That will feel better than winning any stupid game of blackjack.

 
Posted : 23rd January 2016 12:46 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)
Posts: 2156
 

No Steve

The debts are depressing you and play right into your gambling mind which isnt ready to stop.

Your healthy state of mind is actually much more important

There is a point where if you have run up large debts they cant be paid. In a crisis they have to accept from £1 per month to whatever a debt plan says you can afford. I dont know what your income and assets are. Thats not for me to know. Bankruptcy may be an option as its a fresh start. Do you want to be borrowing again anyway?

A famous director said "happiness is a clear horizon" A feeling of freedom from confrontation

I repeat that your healthy state of mind is more important. You are your most important possesion

Look where gambling got you so far. You have been a compulsive gambler not in control. Continuing will double your losses.... X4 and so on. Its not a get your money back later scheme. If it was the gambling companies wouldnt open for business

I like your honesty but honesty in return is that you are not currently ready to stop and put proper blocks on

You need help from gamcare and counselling from the doctor.

We wish you all the best

 
Posted : 23rd January 2016 6:34 am

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