Day 11, still no want or urge to gamble, i am trying each day just to focus on the things i need to get done and concentrate on improving myself, i feel i am a different person since what happened in many ways but all positive. My realtionship with my girlfriend has improved greatly, and instead of worrying about the what ifs, iam enjoying every day with her, and seeing as though 12 days ago i never thought she would give me the chance to try and put things right, iam so so happy for all the time we spend together.
Hope all you guys are doing well with your recovery
Rob
Day 12 dont want to gamble have no urges to gamble, the mornings are hard because when i wake up iam hit by feelings of guilt,remorse,sadness and i guess feelings of worry and scared.its because when i gambled i thought i was worthless so my gambling was an excuse not to try because i was going to fail anyway,iam 36 now so i have the chance to make a new life for myself and i guess the unknown scares me, which is good, i just need to focus on what needs to get done. and stop worrying about things that have not happened yet.
Day 13 gamble free, yesterday was feeling very low and also nervous about the future, things will be changing soon,will need to move because house i am renting is being refurbished, plus iam starting studying part time,and plus girlfriend is moving to uni next month.
But today feeling more positive and back on track, and gonna just take each day as it comes.
Also thought of gambling still makes me feel sick
Day 14 gamble free,got given some cash yesterday it did not even cross my mind to gamble, i acted like a complete P#### last night my girlfriend is going to uni next month and she was choosing her halls, i got all sulky and down and kept thinking what about me, i know totally selfish, i said sorry to her this morning and just sad i was tired and stressed from work, so when i get home tonight iam going to be positive and normal.
Day 15 gamble free, still no want or urge to gamble, the betting shops i pass on the way to work just make me cringe when i see their logo, feeling more positive today about the future, its hard when i wake up to motivate myself sometimes because of nervousness about the future, but there are no benifits from worrying about things that have not happened yet so i am trying not to, aslo get my exam results today so my uni placement is riding on them. Iam excited to open them.
Day 16, gamble free, feel dark and gloomy today, had some sort of fever last night heavy sweats, not sure how i am feeling at the moment, just maybe bit numb and anxious about future
Hi Rob.
Well done for 16 days gamble free.
Keep positive and try control or express your emotions. Please don't think negative about yourself. Whats done is done - no point crying over spilled milk. You are here and get yourself sorted and have a gamble free life - that is a hard, positive and brave thing to do.
When your are down - please try do something else to keep yourself up. Its hard - i know myself.
Future is scary and unknown but what you DO KNOW is - you are gamble free for 16 days and keep telling yourself YOU WILL NOT GO BACK
Lol sorry having a positive day here - not sure is it my depression pills are working lol.
I am for a year depressed due to conned to move in with my inlaws as they needed our helped...........instead of moving in and thinking me and my hubby get help babysitting or help with everything as extra pair of hand. I am a living in maid/cook/cleaner.
Was promised 2 bedroom - instead 3 of us squeezed in one bedroom while they moved my brother in law in........after he got given £65k taken loan again the house from my inlaw. so basically if payment not keep up im out of the house too.
I hated them and still am - i dont speak to them for 10 months now after i made myself clear about how i felt - gave them opportunity to fix things.
But now i have been to see doctor - council to apply for councill houses but they said we are not overcrowded. So constant being down and all i can think is gamblling to improve my future which is b****t.
I had to stop for my daughter and my husband as he doesnt know. I need to be good and get out of here asap before my mind get any worse.
So you are lucky your mum is helping you - so make her proud and really take care of yourself and hope you are feeling better.
Relationship is hard especially long distance but please dont let this affect your gambling free days.
Lucy x
Hey lucy thank you so much for your kind words, they mean even more to me because you understand the gamblng issues and the constant worrying that we both share, iam so sorry about all you are going through and i am glad you are having positive thoughts now. And also the down and dark thoughts i totally can relate to them and understand them, you have to keep postive and aim in the right direction, if you ever need to chat and support i am right here.
Rob x
Day 17 gamble free, yesterday morning was quite dark and down,but in the afternoon i went to london and had a look at my girlfriends uni, and then i went to look at the uni i will be going to in 2 years, iam actually very positive today i think looking at the uni,s yesterday made the upcoming change i guess more real and inevitable, so now i am really aware of the positive and new oppurtunities ahead. So now iam going to focus on enjoying all the time we have together before she moves, and focus on working hard saving money so i will have savings when i move to london in to years to finish my studying, being scared sulky and nervous about the future and change will just ruin the time we have so i am not going to to that, i have done my worrying about the unknown thing over the last week and that is done now, onwards and upwards. Also no wants or urge to gamble still and now its 17 days since.
First well done of another gamble free day and o*g yo make me feel soooo old lol.
15 years ago i went thru same process. Wish you and your girl friend load of luck. University is great but also challenging and testing both your relationship. If you guys are solid you will be fine. You both will meet new people and have new experiences. Keep up with communication and enjoy!!! Go with the flow. You will have a ball especially freshers week haha. Just be safe and have plenty hang overs lol. I had the best 4 years and its an eye opener.
Keep up the good work and cant wait to read tomorrow bit of your diary x.
Lucy
Day 19 gamble free, still no urge,want or temptation to gamble, after time of reflection i understand that i used gambling as a form of escape from things i worried about,alot of times it wasnt even about winning money it was just something to do to i guess reassure myself i was going to fail in life anyway so there was no point in trying to improve myself.so now i have been training myself in the mentality that if i am feeling down or a bit hopeless, i think to myself , what needs to get done? what do i need to do today? this has been very helpful for me because it distracts me from negative thoughts and keeps me on the track of improvement and constructive and positve outcome.
I just have to keep moving forward and if i start dwelling on the past and what might happen in the future i need to distract myself and focus on the present.
Hey Rob,
How are you getting on?
Lucy x
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