Hi, I have been gambling for nearly 25 years and have bet more than I should have for most of the time since that, but never did it become a problem before the FOBT machines came in the the shops. Since then I have started to have problems with spending money that was for normal everyday things, taking the family out etc. but over the last few years it has become more of a juggling exercise as I got in to debt on the overdraft, then credit card, then a loan to pay them off, then run up the overdraft and card again.
This probably sound familiar to most people.
Whilst playing the machines I seem to have no concept of the time or amount I put in them and without thinking twice about the problems it will cause can easily visit the bank, withdraw whatever available money there is,and use it as soon as I lose what I went in with.
After finding a statement for my credit card my wife asked me about my money and I came clean about the £10,000 that I currently owed (having read other posts Im almost happy that everything is out in the open before it got further) and was struggling to keep up payments on. This was 3 days ago and has the potential to destroy my 11 year marriage and 2 children, I have been at my parents house since then (who I have also had to upset with the news). I don't feel I can ever be in control of my money again and have asked wife/family to take my wages reduce bills for me from it and give me minimal spending money.
I don't think I could be trusted with a card again and I wonder if doing it this way worked for other people or if it has caused other problems further down the line.
I can not avoid the betting shops unfortunately as the punchline to my story is my only income comes from working in one.
Anyway my last visit to play a machine was 4 days ago and counting.
Hi Mark
You obviously can't gamble in the shop you work in, but if I were you I would self exclude from other local bookies to be on the safe side. You have made a good choice in letting your partner control finances. After a while your gambling demons will resent no access to money for gambling. Just pride yourself on this and feel proud that you are beating these demons. If you feel like gambling tell your partner as you are a CG and gambling urges will not disappear over night. Take care
You have done the right thing. Being as open and honest as possible is the best way forward for all of us and I have learnt it the hard way.
Treasure the great things in your life - your wife and kids. Focus on them and devote your spare time and attention to them and that will leave no room for the urges to sneak up on you. It is mu dream in life to be a husband and a father so take pleasure in the great gift that you have.
I got close to day 100 then slipped - don't repeat my mistake. I am dreaming of my day 500 then day 1000 etc. You can too.
I dont know if it is possible but i would really recommend a change of job - it will be so much easier for you if you do.
Best wishes for the fight ahead of you - you will get great support on here and together we can all beat this and keep OUR money where it belongs.
OS
Cheers for the comments.
Hello Mark.
Sorry to hear of your woes. Firstly well done on getting the through the first few days, we all know it can't be easy. You know as well as anybody about how addictive gambling is as you must see it everyday in customers.
I agree with Smiler about self exclusion, you know the drill and how client confidentiality works, if playing the machines is your illness then self exclusion is the medicine and you must know that you have to take it if you are to get better.
Handing over finances is also a good idea. Its great not having to worry about money. You just go to work, earn the money and the wife does all finances for you. What do you need money for really?? I find its just bills, rent and housekeeping (clothes and handbags for the wife too). It'll be a big weight off your shoulders not having the burden of it all. Take care and best wishes in your recovery. You've made a very promising start.
Keith
Hi Mark, all the emotions u put in your 1st posting could have been typed by myself as have gone thro it so many times. The brain just seems to go into overdrive an disregard every sensible thought we have when we are in the grips of gambling.
With regard to the financial side of things, I contacted CCCS an they arranged to make payments for me. I did tell my husband but made him promise he would not bring it up everytime we had an argument or otherwise I told him our relationship wouldnt last. And altho I think its a good idea if your partner can take some of the burden of paying things, it wont be easy as it will be a resersal of roles. And at the end of the day its going to be your role to stay strong an keep reminding yourself (as I am going to do as only day one for me 2) we survived without gambling at one time in our lives so we can again especially as the stakes are so high as if we dont start to beat this we will lose more than money!!
So good luck to both of us an take it slowly. We cant be expected to suddenly be non gamblers but if we stay strong we can be ex gamblers who control our urges.
Free time and a bit of change in my pocket and the sudden urge to go in the bookies returns, only a fleeting one until normal thinking takes over.
Its just down to the habit of nipping in and the fact of been comfortable in those surroundings for me.
I dont actually know which is worse the days off when i have free time or going to work passing the other bookies (always nip in) and then working all day knowing what they are doing to me and other people.
It was very infrequent that you would suspect somebody had a major gambling problem (20 years a bookie) until the FOBTs arrived now you can walk in any shop and you'll see them.
thanks for the words of wisdom and support, good luck to each of you
Having this week off as holiday (even if i would be in the bookies) is not helping as I am still in a state of limbo about what is happening in the future (family) and just seem to be floating around, these are times i would walk in the bookies to kill a bit of time. But I know the consequences of that and feel strong enough not to worry that I would be tempted put a penny in.
I think I need a pastime to dive into, instead of sat here playing online games just to numb the brain and pass the time by.
Not played a machine in over 2 weeks so going quite well, getting use to the pocket money situation (I didn't realise how much I spent on other things as well) so a bit tight.
As part of the agreement with my family I am going to a GA meeting tonight. I dont know what to expect. or what is expected of you when you go, how many people attend etc. its a large city centre meeting so i would think a few people would be there.
im going straight from work so I wonder how the betting shop uniform will go down.
Any help or any of your experiences would be gratefully received.
Hi Mark i cant advise on ga as ive never been but a small bit of advice try not to worry about whos there whats expected of you etc as they were all first timers once and if they are anything like the fantastic people on here they will welcome and guide you.
I hope you are going because you want to and not just because your family are telling you you have to as i feel it might not work for you if you feel your being forced into it.
Well done on the 2 weeks free of machines are you back home yet or still at your parents?
Good Luck and let us know how you are get on at ga.x
I went to my first GA meeting yesterday, it went better than i thought, somebody was talking to me as soon as i walked through the door so no hanging about looking lost. About 15 people were there yesterday, but after an initial hello I had a private chat with just a couple of people who volunteered to speak privately and go through a bit of history, current situation, how things run, the help available etc.
It went a lot better, and was not as daunting an experience as I had expected.
I will still be apprehensive about going next time but I fully intend to, and do see the group as something that could help (not something I really thought before visiting)
any way even though I have stopped and not used machines for over 2 weeks I am going to use the visit and start from 4 Dec as my day 0.
Good luck if your reading this and Why not go along and try a meeting it may help you.
Hey Mark
im really pleased everything went well at your first GA meeting ,told you there was nothing to worry about although saying that i would have felt the same.
Any support you can get for this horrible addiction can only be a good thing.
Stay Strong.x
well done on going to your first meeting.
Im not sure i would ever find the strength to do that so i congratulate you on that.
Keep going mark, you are doing great.
Tw
Everything going well in the gambling department, no bets, no urges, nothing. Everything else seems to be falling apart instead whether it be the relationship with my wife who describes herself as feeling abused, to problems at work, to feeling even worse now than I did when I had all the stress of the debt on me. I think that seeing my wife under some of the pressures I have had to cope with and dealing with the lies i have had to tell to get this far in debt is making it harder for us both to deal with and makes me feel worse than ever. She cant sleep and looks and feels drained, I can only see things ending one way, could be now or later I don't know but it looks that way.
I was under pressure before to keep things hidden and although it was tough the fact that nobody else was unhappy made it bearable now its all just s***
But please remember that the main and the most important thing is...
...you are not gambling!
GT
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