127 days Gamble free

Hello. My name is G and I am a compulsive gambler.

I've not had a bet since 28 August 2015

Those are words which I say at GA meetings at least twice a week and then I will proceed to tell my story which I am repeating here:

So early memories were the 2 penny drop machines but even then I was completely obsessed and I would know that once I started I wouldnt be happy until all my money was gone. Then through university I was into betting on football matches. I knew nothing about football but I woudl bet big on accumulators and invariably lose. It was about this time (circa 2000) that I also started dabbling in shares. This continued until about 2007 when I looked at financial spread betting. What would happen is i would do this online for a few months at a time then when I had lost a suitable amount of money I would quit for a few months, self exclude then sign up with another company a few months later. I tried to quit over and over but I would creep back to spreadbetting as I just loved the excitement of it. It was so thrilling. Plus I was unhappily married and I didnt have many friends. This continued until I moved to Australia in 2011 thinking that teh change in scenery woudl help me to quit. But I was really just running away and had 4 relapses in 4 years whuch were getting worse and worse.

So the final rock bottom came in August last year when in a 24 hour period of madness I lost about 1 and a half times my monthly salary. I realised enough was enough and I started to attend my local GA meetings. The thing about my relapses is that you forget the pain and the lying and cheating and sleepless nights. But with GA you are recounting this week after week and you arent forgetting about it. You are telling people who know what its like. You are listening to other peoples stories, some of whom have been quit 10 or 15 years but they know they have this progressive illness and they are still coming back to the meetings. You hear incredible, uplifting stories and you realise that you arent in this alone. The the group wants to help but only if you want to help yourself. I have accepted that I can never have a bet again. Never buy a lotto ticket or a scratchie, never buy shares or even have a play bet with friends. But I'm fine with that.

I have a sponsor now, a man who has been in prison because of galmbling and who hasn't had a bet in 15 years. SO we are working through the 12 steps and are still on the first. Admit you are powerless over gambling and your life has become unmanageable. I KNOW I am powerless over gambling. If I have even one bet I will gamble until I lose it all. If I win I am restless and fidgety and I want to gamble more to get the buzz back. I'm addicted to the near miss. I'm completely powerless.

So to people who are thinking of quitting gambling, please go to a GA meeting. I've seen countless people go to one meeting, share how much they have lost and the terrible state of their lives. Then you never see them again. They just vanish and show up a few months later in an even worse state. I think its virtually impossible to quit on your own. I installed gamblock on my computer but it just ended up destroying my computer. And I went back to gambling when I bought a new computer. So that is just really kicking the can down the road rather than admitting you are a compulsive gambler that you can't stop and seeking help. Like everyone my addiction has cost me thousands and I know that money is gone. I am chipping off the debts month my month. Its all you can do.

Good luck everyone. Stay strong and I'll copy this to the diary thread.