1st Day, but I need to kick out gambling NOW

Day 2 and feeling ok, big challenge tomorrow for the weekend. My Saturday's use to be all about gambling from early morning right through to evening football and then if no success onto the online casinos.

My plan - get up and take the wife to work. Get back to the house and have breakfast. Then I will go for a nice walk to the village for some fresh air. I plan to buy the Tiger Woods game for the PS3 and that will take my mind off everything.

Pick up the wife early afternoon and get back to stream the Cardiff and Fulham game.

I think the wife is going out for a few hours in the evening with a few work colleagues. I was asked last week if I wanted to go, but there is no way I would have given up a few hours on a Saturday away from my games!!! Now I will go....

Right, got to get ready for work. I will kick this and I'm feeling optimistic for the future today.

Hi Kickitnow,

Well done for visiting this site and starting your diary, you are in the right place. Everyone's recovery is bespoke and we are all different but you find many familiar stories here and some invaluable pieces of advice.

I have been given some very useful advice on this site and I will pass it on to you. You have taken some giant steps already, you have admitted you have a problem and have started to exclude yourself from those sites. Make sure that you are excluded from all of them and use a betfilter if possible. I use K9 which is free. Us Compulsive gamblers always leave a way back in.

What struck me about your story was the fact that I too used to bet about 10 pounds a week on a football accumulator most of the times I used to lose and had only the occasional win. I used to lose a few hundred pounds a year. Then it spiralled with all sorts of other kinds of betting and suddenly I was losing hundreds each day. I too added up my debts and they came to a similar amount, I have been paying them off for two years and I have two years to go. It has been a slog but is worth it. Each gamble free day WILL make you stronger.

My partner also check my bank account each month, it is painful and I feel like a schoolboy but it has brought us together.

Take up some interests as well, you will see on the forum that we need other things to fill the void where gambling was. Some CG run some walk, some play sport do DIY play music...

Keep reading on here, keep posting, take what sounds useful and disregard the rest (including with this post!)

Good luck for the weekend it is a cliché but take it one day at a time, we can't right all the wrongs in our our lives in 24 hours but we can get through it gamble free.

Paulds

keep strong get self excluding before saturday if you time , well done keep going and thinking of you thanks simon

Thanks for the messages of support.

Day 3 and I have just taken the wife to work...I had a little lapse yesterday when I received my credit card statement online and seen the recent carnage of my latest losses. I was thinking what's another £1,000 on top of that balance, and a chance to claim back some losses. Again, I paid this website a visit yesterday to keep calm.

I have no credit cards and have self excluded from all websites. I have also given my wife my banking details to visit my debit card account to make sure there's no activity...

When I see that minus £3,000 on my account I have started to tell myself instead of chasing that amount, it will take you 3-4 months to clear that off the credit card, little by little...!

I have started to think back on where this all started and I had some very rock bottom days going back 6 years ago, but I have never accepted the problem. I have never been gambling crazy all the time, I will lose, win, lose, win....and when I lose, will stay away for a while and just continue to bet on football, and block out the losses. I think it's never really hurt since September 2008, because I have been lucky with a good job and salary. I have been able to keep up with loans, credit cards etc. It's taken this loss to really look at my finances and to think where is this going to stop?! I will go into more about when I hit rock bottom in September 2008, but then the feeling disappeared with a job in the city...

Ok, time to get some house work done and then at least have plenty of football on the TV today.

Day 3 and I'm feeling ok, not great, but I'm determined not let my wife down on this. Also important, I don't want to let myself down. I work hard for a living and want to keep some of those rewards for a much better life style.

Let's beat this!

Onwards and upwards.

Jonathan

Day 4 and feeling good at the moment, had a wonderful night with the wife last night. Nice meal and a few glasses of wine. I actually confessed on how much I gambled last week and although she was very surprised, still very understanding and very supportive.

She now has my bank card today, my credit cards and also access to my online banking.

Day of rugby for me and trying to keep my mind off everything. Got a couple of days in Glasgow next week with some real busy meetings - I love a busy week in work and really does keep my mind off gambling. The weekend was definitely tough, especially waking up yesterday and not doing my usual accumulators, score lines, first goal scorers. It was actually quite strange watching the sport and having nothing on it.

I'm feeling good and I keep telling myself about being debt free next year and how good that will feel not making these bookmakers/casinos rich!!

You keep your chin up and we can beat this, don't think of the losses, think of paying them off and not going further in the deep!!

There's a blocking system that's free. Let me check and I will let you know.

Hi Kick

Thanks for posting on my diary, it always helps to get the support from fellow soldiers that know what you are going through!

I know it may be difficult tonight but beat any urges you get because not only will you win the battle you will also gain a little more confidence in order to win the war!.

Every time you dont gamble when you really want to just goes to prove how strong you are and you can be so proud of yourself for abstaining. I sometimes wake up and the first thing I think about is how proud of myself I am for not gambling- especially when I get those gambling dreams!

You sound like you are in a good position at the moment as you have your family who will support you. There are plenty of partners out there that would run a mile so the fact that your wife is being supportive, already gives you a great chance to beat this thing.

Come on here and read through as many diaries as you can (Ive gone back as far as 2011 so far) and post if you feel like it. It will help. And take each day at a time because they will add up. when I first posted I didnt know how I was gonna change my whole life because gambling was ingrained in it but each day that I didnt gamble went by and I am now on 90 days.

Give yourself this chance and dont gamble one day at a time.

Also, Im not sure if you know but there is a 2014 challenge over on the overcoming gambling section run by Mr Brightside. You can join if you feel like it would help you. Have a look anyway and see if its for you. It is very supportive and Mr B does some awesome weekly updates that really motivates.

Anyway enough of my rambling on your diary lol!

Stay strong

Linda x

Thanks Linda, please keep rambling...your words really help and I appreciate the support.

I'm going to take a look at Mr Brightside, thanks got the advice. Back to the room and now some TV. Another day tomorrow and day 6, close to that one week.

My working week would revolve around my bets, also I would constantly look at betting opportunities in the work place, and would take my eye off deadlines etc...

My parents visit this weekend coming and I'm back home for a weekend after that. I then travel on business the weekend after to the USA, one of my planned visits was Atlantic City, but I have cancelled my 2 night stay there. I thought that was the least I could do and wanted to avoid any chances. The supplier was ok, but obviously had to come up with a completely different excuse for not staying in the city.

Looking forward to another day tomorrow without losing money and valuable TIME ( you know the hours you spend chasing your losses)

i really do know the hours that are spent chasing! Pretty much all the hours I had because I never won! I mean I might have had a few small wins but they were only ever credits like a loan from the bookies/bingo hall/online. I could never really ever cash anything in because I always wanted to play which meant I always lost eventually!

You are doing all the right things by avoiding any sort of opportunity to gamble, I know they will inevitably come up put try and postpone as long as you can. Atlantic city probably not the best place you can go lol but you are already on top of that. i have to say you sound like you really are ready to beat this and the more you stick 2 fingers up at the gambling industry the better! They would take everything from you without giving a s**t! So isnt it lovely that we are now taking from them? Thats whats the best thing about that 2014 challenge because Mr B calculates how much we save each week between us so it makes us feel good because we are putting a big huge dent in their profits!

Linda x

I hear you Linda, isn't it awful??? the chase all the time, it's as if we come possessed in a gambling trance. I can't explain any better than that? On the last occasion on Wednesday last week - I had won £2300 off an £800 stake - I did withdraw, but u know what they like they give you a chance to transfer back into your balance which I eventually did and then lost it all plus more...!

That day I went all day chasing back and didn't even go out for lunch, it's as if food is the last thing on your mind. I suppose great for a diet, but I would to put on a few pounds moving forward!!!

Black Jack was my game and I'm going to keep telling myself the last time I lost, how totally corrupt the cards were. Totally unrealistic hands from the real live events. Yes, two fingers up to the gambling industry that keeps making themselves very rich, let's make a dent in those profits - I'm having some of that!

My wife just called and said that I thought the last time you gambled was Wednesday. She checked my account and ****** withdrew an amount on that day. She believed me when I said there was lag time, which is good and it's good that she's actually checking. I want to build up the trust and show that I really mean business.

They have taken thousands from me already and I know it's sad but I couldn't give you an exact figure and only know what debt I have now.

The only thing that's kept me going is my wages and bonuses.

What could I have done with that money, this will drive me on to succeed!!

Thanks for your support. This really helps and I know everyone on this site knows exactly what each of us are going through.

Jonathan

ye i stopped about 2 weeks ago now and felt stupid after the last bet , but then to bring me down to rock bottm again a lag on taking the money i thought oh maybe i didnt loose that much, no they just took it 5 days later, gutting to say the least , but it made me more determind . i agree about what we could of done with all that money , but turn that on its head when we save it again what we will do with all that money , instead of giving it to them bastaXrds . i understand it was our decision but surely when we start loosing them amounts of money somebody has to say something morrally , but anyway im not gonna be a victim to gambling addiction anymore . well done and keep going

It's been a busy few days in work which is helping everything that's for sure. I'm on day 8 today so over a week without gambling and I have my parents coming up for the weekend, so a lot less pressure ahead.

Something did really get to me in the week, I self excluded myself from all the online casinos, but I received an email off one of them which I forgot to self exclude. It didn't bother me want bit on the email and I didn't feel any urge, and only made me angry because of the email they sent - it read like this "Hi Jonathan, we have some fun playing last week, let's relive the excitement all over again with a top up bonus of 75%".....Now I know these are automatically generated emails, but it really got to me because it was the last £1,000 that I lost last week on blackjack and the game was a complete joke, you know, the games where they get 4 blackjacks in a row, pulling 21 all the time when you have 20. My cash went in super fast time and now they want me back to relive the fun, b******s!!

This drives me on to success and I will be using my cash on pay day to pay something against my credit card, not relive the excitement of making the casinos rich!!

Onwards and upwards, day 9 tomorrow.

I can do this, we can do this...let's kickitnow!!

Day 12 and I'm happy, and very positive for the future. Don't get me wrong, it's been tough some days and thinking about the money I have lost has given me urges to try redeem and win some back. I just keep telling myself that this is not the route to take and I remind myself on how I felt the last time I lost.

I think once you realise that you can't handle wins when betting, and have accepted that you have a problem then you can move forward to become gambling free. It's true, you will never win, because when you get a taste of some winning success you eventually blow it all again and more, it's hard to explain the grip they have on you and everyone will know what I mean on here.

I'm determined more than ever to kick this, not just for me but my new wife, we only got married last September in Chile (she's Chilean) we had a wonderful time touring around that amazing country and Argentina. She's always realised that I had a problem, but not really knowing the extent - now little by little I'm telling her more and she's also got access to my online banking.

We have always had separate accounts which makes it a lot easier to hide any potential money problems. She gets the shopping from her wages, and I pay all the bills from my wages, plus any nights out, dinner, cinema etc. It's was so easy to hide, but now she has full access and we also plan to get joint accounts in the next couple of months - positive move forward.

This is a big couple of weeks for me now - I go away on business for 2 weeks on the 29Mar and I can turn this into 6 weeks without gambling. I'm then back for a week, before I take my wife to China and Japan for 2 weeks. I can see some light...I have had some quiet days this past 12 days where the urges have been there, so a lot easier when there's plenty of things going on.

This weekend I went to Cheshire Oaks and treated myself to some clothes, without going onto online casinos I would easily blow £100.00 on the weekend on the football, with an occasional win. When you look back at your account which I have done, you can easily see that over a long period of time, there's much more going out and than in.

It makes you think how clean your life can become without wasting money on that horrible addiction, more clothes, and buying more things for my wife. This is what's driving me on to success.

I'm rambling on now, but looking forward to making the 2 week landmark this week.

Onwards and upwards

Jonathan

rambling on , on this site is great it helps us all so lets keep rambling , and your totally right what we can buy ourselves with the amount of money we used to waste , is unbelievable , me buying clothes later too lol keep strong , i will not be a victim to this addiction anymore

Thanks Tryer, same here. Let's keep this going and we can *** it!