Starting a recovery to put a positive foot forward in beating this horrible addiction.
I was gamble free from July 28th last year until 6 weeks ago. I still can't believe I started again. I wasn't chasing loses as I wasn't gambling but that soon changed !! And before I knew it I was chasing loses.
I know what my triggers are lonliness and low self esteem, and didn't have enough in place as to when I felt like that to not gamble. NOW I do!! I have self excluded and installed gaming block on phone. And I have this diary and had first call from breakeven councilling today.
This time feels a lot worse than when I finally came clean first time. I feel lower and more ashamed of myself than ever. I admitted what I done to my partner and have lost my partner.
I am more determined than ever to beat this and stop the rot it has on my life. I want a life, a good life, where I'm happy and content and not stressed and depressed over gambling!
Stop gambling and you win at life!
Day 5
Had absolutely no urge to gamble at all. Still finding it hard to come to terms what I actually have done and the hurt I've caused relapsing.
Hopefully on time I can forgive myself.
I will beat this life sucking addiction and live a happy life 🙂
Day 6
Have no urges to gamble at all which is great
Still struggling to come to terms with the devastation I've caused again.
Things with boyfriend are ok but it will take a long long long time before he trusts me and things get back on track with us. But ever grateful that he had given me another chance. And I am so determined to not gamble ever again.
I have too much to loose and I never ever win when gambling. I don't think I even got a high when the wheel spun and I was up !! So it's a good question as to why I continued !
I want to win at life and can NOT do that gambling !!!
Well done......keep the fight going
Sounds like you’re in the same boat as me. Hadn’t gambled in about 5 months and 1 stupid bet started a 20k debt over 11 months which I’m thankfully now out 2 weeks ago. Almost cost me my relationship with my girlfriend as she stuck by me the first few times and I promised I would stop, then I go and do this again. This will be my last chance with her and my 3yr old son and family business. Like you I’m no longer in debt and feel this is helping me stay clear of gambling now as I’ve not had any urges to gamble again. Scared the s**t out of me being 20k in debt.
I feel coming here and keeping a diary of my gambling free days helps. Also reading other people’s posts and how they are dealing with their lives.
Stay strong and you will conquer this addiction.
Keep going I'm the king of relapse so make sure u put all possible blocks in place
Thanks Christer and Grant.
I have all possible blocks in place and have first counselling session with breakeven tom.
I also got my debts under control when I came clean last summer through stepchange.
In saying that My boyfriend bailed my out this month. Boyfriend really struggling with this ATM many emotions including anger, and I can do nothing but apologise. I don't blame him at all for feeling the way he does as gambling is a selfish addiction when loved ones stretch themselves in order to bail me out.
I did not gamble with the thought of "it's ok I'll get bailed out if I gamble all my wages" Actually very little thought happened when I spun the reels was more like a zombie state.
Anyway it's another day gamble free and I have no urges to do so.
I know my relationship will take time to heal from this relapse (which will be my only relapse) and I am doing everything in my power to stay gamble free and beat this to have a good healthy gamble free happy life :). Hopefully as I heal from this relapse so will my relationship
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