2010

Isn't your P romantic! that is so lovely.

It is worth it, isn't it? Its nice to have enough money in the bank to go for a coffee and a cake. Takes a while til you recover enough financially, to have a big spend but the simple things are fine with me.

Take care,

f x

Hi,

Booze just isn't suiting me anymore. I love it at the time but my recovery is taking days now rather than hours. Still feel rough today and lethargic and it's all self inflicted.....so I only have myself to blame.

Have bought some luggage from a famous department store...an amazing sale....70% off. Using my debit card to pay for stuff that will be useful for the whole family. Something to see for my money. I thought....£3.99 postage and packing....shock horror....Jas questioning £3.99 P&P. That's got to be progress! Feels rewarding to see something for my money instead of a list of transactions on a bank statement to a gambling site. I like using comparisons....makes me feel strong.

Jas x

Hi Jas

I want to make you feel better now.

I got up yesterday and went golf. I then went straight to the pub at 3 oclock and the last time i can remember seeing the pub clock was at quarter past 2 in the morning cant really remember going home ,but got up for work at 5 o clock this morning.Boy do i feel rough now.Hey Jas when we gambled we had no respect for money but now we dont waste it then yes we question things like £3.99 packaging lol.All the best Jeff.

It's a funny thing money isn't it? Everything seems to cost so much once we get some perspective on the value of it again!!!

Weldy x

When I was gambling online I opened and closed literally hundreds of sites. Each time thinking I would just have a £20 and get the bonus. That never happened. It escalated to eye watering proportions.

As I am approaching a year free I decided to have a clean up....a spring clean of my paperwork. I do all my acounts on a programme called money. I went back as far as my records went and deleted every old gambling transaction payee. One by one they disappeared into the ether. It was a cathartic exercise and made me feel great. I then moved onto shredding all my old bank statements....job done.

Don't know what prompted me to do it now...just seemed the right time.

and yes Weldy.......I am gradually beginning to respect money again....£3.99 postage...criminal..lol

Busy day ahead. Bye for now.

Jas x

You sound happy 🙂 (except for the hangover P+P)

Glad you are in a good place, you deserve it.

f x

yes jasmine ive been busy in the garden,actually smashing up concrete paths and lifting paving stones (very heavy and tiring) at my house but what thanks do i get..nowt lol 🙁 .... never mind onwards and upwards 😉 we can do this...

Hi Jasmine,

You really have done so well and learnt so much this last year.

I see you absorb what you need from each post that you read, leaving the unhelpful stuff where it belongs 😉 I really believe thats the best way to help yourself. GA always says take what you need & leave the rest behind.

You have kept your focus despite the gambling talk & actions from a few here and the reality of your sisters addiction. None of which can be easy or indeed comfortable for you. You have showed incredible strength of character. I am sure this will continue. So glad you chose recovery.

Gambling is simply not compatible with who you are now 😉

stay strong

Jackie

Hi Jas

I noticed you havent posted on your diary for a while so just thought i would bump it up to the top.I hope all is well.I see your first gamblefree year is just around the corner.Well done Jeff.

I've done a year free with the exception of a 2 episodes...the last being the 26/9/09. I don't gamble anymore, it's that simple. I could gamble...the opportunities are always there but I have the necessary blocks in place to stop me from going back to the horror that is compulsive gambling.

My life has moved on so much now. My mindset is completely different. My confidence is at an all time high and I feel really good. I have my zest for life back and although I am aware that moods can swing at least I am not propping myself up with gambling.

For anyone reading all the hard work required to recover is really worth it. Day by day you get stronger...I did anyway.

I went on a course today...I stood up and presented in front of 20 people. Even if i say it myself...i felt an air of confidence I haven't felt for many years. Someone on the course commented that they wished they had my nerve to stand up and talk in front of a group and you know what...I felt a warm fuzzy happy feeling wash over me...a glow of pride.

I will continue to read the diaries on here and to support as much as I can but I have made myself so busy with other stuff that I am finding it difficult to find the time. I think about all of my friends on here all the time and I am wishing you every success in your own personal recoveries.

Just off to my burlesque dance class now....a definite confidence booster, believe me!

Love to all.....Jas xx

Burlesque dance eh? sounds like a giggle.

Thanks so much for your wedding wishes - i am so bloomin excited!!!!

I am the same, busy, busy, busy. But I think im getting the balance right for the first time in my life. Sounds like you are too, or you wouldnt be so happy you would be stressed!

Great to hear you are going from strength to strength, that self-esteem is really coming back to you, as well it should.

f x

Great to hear you are feeling stronger then ever.... If anyone deserves it, it's you Jas...

The past is dead and buried!!!!!

Regards,

Darren

If there are phases to recovery then I am definitely entering a new one. My time is filled with so much other stuff now that I can't imagine where I found the time to gamble previously. Takes a lot of time to be able to gamble compulsively!

I feel guilty that I am not on here as regularly as I used to be or that I am in chat as often as I would like. Last night I thought of chat and then looked at the time and had missed it. I guess that is good in a way.

Since stopping gambling a lot of new doors have opened up to me. That's becasue my mind has become free and clear again.

I will always be in recovery though but that's ok. I need a reminder of where cg took me and where it would take me again if I let it.

Enjoy your bank holiday...going to be a sunny one i think 🙂

Jas x

Hi Jas

Dont feel bad about not being on here as much.It just shows how well you have done in your recovery.Although you know you have come a long way,you still are posting and Jas if you are honest its as much for other people as for yourself.Because we all know that is what you do ,put others first.Isnt it funny Jas in the first few months of us trying to stop gambling,we are all looking for things to keep busy and take up our gambling time.Now you have gone full circle and dont know how you ever had the time lol.Keep going Jas all the best Jeff.

My life is better but my finances remain f*****. Bought an M&S meal for a tenner and you know something it's made my day.

On a course for the rest of the week, which I am looking forward to.

I will continue to chip away at my gambling debt and most importantly I will be thankful for how much better my life is right now.

Jas x