2010

Hi Jas - thanks for post, promise you I will stick to my plan.

Good to read you are doing so well, keep it up. I know how you feel re having a mountain of debt to chip away at!

Soz we havent spoken in a while, its just not felt like the right thing to post and when I've gone on chat a couple of times recently its being quite repetitive, like watching a film I've seen many times before.

(Maybe its cos you werent there honey lol )

The leather jacket has yet to be worn so at the moment is a waste of £150 !

Jasmine no need to feel guilty about not posting..its fantastic that you've got other distractions to focus on away from gambling..long may that continue but pop on now and again tho to let us know how your doing 😉

Something is bothering me and so I will write on my diary in the hope it goes away or that I can begin to think it through clearly.

Fourteen years ago my sister introduced me to gambling and as a result I became a compulsive gambler. She didn't hold a gun to my head, I was a willing participant. This is a progressive illness and as such it took many years to escalate. I hit the proverbial "rock bottom" on the 23.4.09. My money was f****d and my mind was a complete shambles, my life was in disarray and I was literally ready to end it all.

I have done incredibly well this year. Worked d**n hard to rid myself of lots of "bad stuff". Pat on back for Jassy 🙂

Why oh why is it still rumbling on. It's my sister you see. Still gambling, still rubbing my nose in it. Apparently she went to land bingo on Sunday...you should have come she said. I won 3 times! and I won £300.

Now let me explore how i am feeling at this point during our conversation. I feel slightly envious as i would kill for £300 right now. I feel angry that she continues to use me as a sounding board for her gambling. it annoys the life out of me to be honest. Why don't I tell her how it makes me feel you may ask. I ask myself that question all the time...why do i continue to absorb all this S***e and then let it fester. I don't know why arrggggg

My sister hasn't hit her personal "rock bottom"...she has a mega income and so does her husband but she's getting through it. You can't pull the wool over my eyes believe me. I have always been a very truthful person....when I say I have no cash that's it...I have nothing. I mean what i say.

I am ranting right now..........and so, although I love my sister with all my heart I don't think it fair to keep pushing this in my face.

I think it was my friend on here, Jeff, who mentioned the odds being stacked against us. This is how I am trying to break this scenario down. You go to land bingo....you buy computer bingo boards at £60 a pop, you have two each so that's £240 spent on trying to win......and so you win £300...woopie doo. Crikey, £60 to play bingo...whatever happened to it being a social event? No doubt the "winnings" went straight back into a slot machine afterwards. Oh goodness Jas...aren't you bored with all this? Soz..talking to myself.

I think some of what I feel is failure. I know that is a strong word but I seem to hear only what I want to hear at the time of some of these conversations. A typical cg you may say...only hear about this winnings.

I will battle on with this...try to support where I can. I just know that in 5 years I will be out of the S***e financially and I want a rock solid foundation at that point in my life to ensure I never, ever return to my old ways.

Busy for the rest of the week and not answering my phone this evening.

You see, a year into no gambling and the Gambling God's are still waiting...patient aren't they? Well, they will be waiting forever in my case!

Jas x

Hi Jas

Probably going to rattle on about things you've already been through, but would you have had a phone call if your sister hadn't won?

We were all the same when gambling I suppose. Shouting from the roof tops if we had won without a second thought for those around us. However, very silent more often than not.

Jas, don't want to sound patronising, but YOU are winning. Everyday you abstain is another victory, another day when whichever gambling outlet you used has not had any of your money.

Taken me a while to realise this, but stopping is the only way to win.

Just my humble opinion!

Take care.

M

Hi ya I have read through many of your posts and want to congratulate you for coming so far. It really is an achievment but as you know the battle is not won. That little devil is ready to appear at any momment, so thats why we always have have to keep our guard up. I myself stopped gambling for 8 months until i went back to that rocky road. I got complacement to own downfall as the temptation is ready to bite you. I have made a pledge to stop again and hope reading and sharing with other people will help. Actually I can say it HAS hepled me so far so I salute all on this forum. It must be hard hearing your sister going on about her winnings and obviously very frustating and probably the last topic you would choose to have a conversation about. I remember thinking many times that i was indestructible and i knew what i was doing. I couldnt fail to lose and others around me didnt have a clue. I knew how to gamble and my knowledge n skill would win the day. Of course it never did, and i always ended up with the many others when it was all lost. Hope it doesnt give you any thoughts or encouragement to go down that dark road again. WE DONT NEED GAMBLING in our lives. Anyway look after yourself, keep strong and most important be true. Mr K.

Hey Jassy girl.

Sorry for not having been around a lot lately, but a lot is going on in Charly's world which I need to plan for and get used to. I'm sure once things are back into a routine, I'll be around more.

I am sending you a big hug for starters and then a big smile....

I am so proud of you... your last post show so much growth, I love it....

Of course it gets you going when your sister talks about winnings..it gets me excited when someone goes into details at my meeting...(and that is almost 3 years on)

You know this is going to be with you for the rest of your life..you know it is better without this demon...keep kicking axse, girl.

Next time your sister brags about her winnings, cut her short and ask her to add up the money she lost in the past week/month.(You and I both know she will lie..we did in our old lives)

Or even better, cut her short,tell her you love her, but could she please stop talking about gambling. Keep doing this. Hopefully she will get the hint in the end.

Most of all...look after "YOU" you cannot change her or her behaviour. You can observe and maybe comment on it. Use your experience over the past gamble free year.

Stay safe and stay Jas..

Love and Hugs

God Bless

Sabine xx

Thank you for your replies 🙂

Been really, really busy....so busy my head is spinning.

Been having a good old look at my finances. Took a loan out last year against our home to clear some gambling debt and make the monthly outgoings a little more manageable. I am still struggling to juggle the money I have left each month and the thought of going for years and years like this is, to be honest, unbearable. People are asking me to go places and i refuse, big birthdays are coming up and I am expected to contribute to gifts and I just haven't budgeted for this and the list goes on and on. I feel I am hiding from peeps just in case I am asked for dosh.

This has been worrying me...I know money should be the least of my worries but it's just so in my face and it's a direct result of gambling like a d**k head.

Anyway...you know there is always a solution to every problem?......decided to try to rearrange the finances to make the monthly payments less and release a bit extra each month to allow us to live without scrimping so much. Will know in the next couple of weeks if I can rearrange our mortgage. It wasn't something i really wanted to do but needs must. Wish me luck please.

The fallout from cg seems, at times, to be never ending but my goodness....if I hadn't recognised I had a mega problem last year I don't know where I would be now.

Each day I don't gamble is a blessing for me. I no longer think about it on a daily basis which is a relief in itself...frees up my mind to concentrate on other things I am passionate about.

Decorating the lounge this weekend....boring but it will look lovely when it is finished. Amazing what a lick of paint can do.

Enjoy your gamble free weekend 🙂

Jas x

good to see you doing so well jasmine and yes its frustrating when we look at our messed up finances but every day bet free is one way to look at clearing them...best wishes we can do this 😉

Hi Jas

The debts will eventually be paid off.Lets say for instance you could put all your money into the debts and leave yourself nothing,causing misery and stress,and be paid off in 2 years or you could pay the debts back over 3 years and have a bit left to enjoy yourselves.Ok it takes a bit longer to pay back the debts,but you have to have something to look forward to Jas.Its good that you are an organised person.Im sure you will find a plan that suits you.

Why?

Well thats easy.You have total control over yourlife againnow you dont gamble .Well done Jas.All the best Jeff.

Hi,

Tomorrow I will know if I have managed to get a low interest loan and released some much needed cash so we can have a bit spare each month. Fingers crossed for tomorrow. It's a hell of a risk but one which is less riskier than gambling...that's fact.

I feel a bit of a fraud posting on here at times.....because....I am not gambling and hardly ever think of it...but I guess...by posting about "life after gambling" it shows that life does go on and you can recover from the damage cg causes.

I am going to London this weekend with my two sisters and my brother....we are going to see "Love Never Dies"......it was booked months and months ago and I can't wait now......all my passions returning. Great isn't it.

Love to all my friends....Jas xx

No real news on reworking our finances. They have been passed to the underwriters and will be calling us either today or tomorrow. Sounds serious doesn't it?...underwriters!

Felt awful when P was on the phone coming out with some whopping lies about where all the cash has gone....we should be living in a palace and driving round in a ferrari! Felt like a small child hiding in the other room listening to the conversation he was having....what an amazing support my wonderful husband is.

What will be will be I guess, although i feel uneasy...probably because I want a quick answer...hate to be waiting around.....and it has sort of highlighted the scale of gambling debt again.

If it is declined then I will lose nothing...just have to continue as I have been for the past year.

God....the embarrassment of thinking all the cash I have blown online......noone would believe it...it is surreal.

Anyway...life goes on. I have a dance class this evening and I am on a course for the next two days. A distraction I am grateful for.

No gambling and yet it still rumbles on and on and on. I am so very grateful I am not gambling any longer.....I'd be in in real deep doo doo by now.

Stay on track everyone. It's no easy task but worth it....so glad I can think straight now.

Jas x

Jas

Your story and diary are truly inspirational. The raw truth of the highs and lows, particularly during 'recovery' is remarkable.

Thank you.

James26

Well we were offered a deal to remortgage but have reflected on the figures and decided to decline. Yeah...sounds like a good deal on the face of it but in reality t's a sort of long term commitment for a short term solution. If you get my drift? I should have expected them to come back with a bigger interest rate based on our finances...I don't actually blame anyone for the mess I find myself in....I'm just trying to wriggle out of it and it's proving to be a bloody slow process.

When P was being asked about the consolodation he was asked where we had spent the money....in hindsight...we should have said f*** off and mind your own business....the thing is you see...when you want something.....you become exceptionally compliant....basically begging because they have got you by the b*****ks...well I haven't got those but P has!

Anyway...we will soldier on and no doubt when my mind is wandering I will come up with another master plan. I'm always scheming 🙂

This is what has been going on today in Jassy land and I have also completed my dometic violence support training...so I am officially qualified now. Proud of that.

Going to London in the morning to see "Love Never Dies"

Have a lovely weekend guys...love from Jas xx

Thanks for your concern on my diary jasmine...your right on your diary adding a loan is no long term fix to our troubles.....happiness is not always money though....enjoy london and have a great weekend we can do this x

hi Jas,

Glad to see you are keeping positive and kicking a ss in recovery. I liked what you said about feeling like a little girl while P had the 'grown up' conversation about the finances. It struck me that it was highlighting the immaturity of gambling. For me, I used to feel like a little kid, hanging my head telling R I'd been 'naughty'.

I'm still having the odd little slip, Im not doing as well as I could, but I also often think about how deep the poo would be for me if I was still in full-flow.

High-five! well done for passing your course missus. It looks like every day you are regaining self-respect and worth. Its lovely to see you keep building yourself up stronger.

Take care,

f x