The journey begins.
I never thought there was a link, but perhaps I've found the problem. When I was 12, my parents split up - why? I told them to. My mother came into my bedroom and explained that she was thinking of leaving and ultimately the question was: Do you want to leave or not?
A totally unfair question for someone of my age, but I realise my mother wasn't in a good place either, on reflection she was clearly having a breakdown.
So, my answer was "Yes, let's leave" and very soon we were heading for a little rented place away from my father. Pretty soon, he was in contact with my mother, asking to see me. I agreed to see him and we arranged to meet on Hastings Pier. In my innocence, I met up with him and we sat in the cafe on the end of the pier chatting, now I see it for what it really was: interrogation. He was questioning what my mother had been up to, who she had been seeing... Basically he was incredibly jealous and couldn't stand the thought of her finding someone else.
What's relevant about this story you're wondering - well, in that cafe I'd be looking for an escape from the awkward questions. My father would offer me a few quid once he'd got all the information he wanted, which I would promptly throw into the fruit machines. This is where my addiction started, on the £4.80 jackpot fruities. Over the years this changed to £5, £8, £10, £25, £30, £70, £100, £500 right up to these super jackpots found online.
Nearly two decades later, those few quid have turned into hundreds. How much I've lost, I dread to think, but it's several thousand, tens of thousand.
Today is, hopefully, a turning point. I won £700 in a service station a few days ago and then proceeded to throw £800 away tonight online. Enough is enough and this needs to stop.
Tomorrow is day one. Please help me stay strong, I need help.
Hi there buddy and welcome to the forum , I saw that Jake had already contacted you on one of your other posts , I spoke with him last night for a while .
I read your post and sorry you have a problem with gambling . Since being on here I've found that most of us use gambling to mask or run away from an underlying problem as you will find out yourself if you explore other peoples diary's.
The problem is that in itself causes another problem Compulsive gambling , it doesn't become about the winning anymore as you have found out, it's just about the feeling you get from betting , the rush or buzz and thats it , that's all we crave .
This then becomes more expensive to achieve as it's never the same as the first time , we win then stick all the winnings straight back in to get more of that buzz . Problem is we can never win because we can't stop !.
You need to put some blocks in place to make it harder to bet , such as installing software on your devices which will block gambling sites , or exclude yourself from bookies if thats your thing ? , you should also limit the cash or cards you have which helps avoid situations , It's called the Time , money , location triangle , take one away and you can't bet !.
You will also need lots of willpower but thats down to you and how much you want to quit ?.
If your planning on sticking around , the diary page is a great place to post , talk about your fears , more of your story and daily events that effect your daily life now youv'e stopped gambling , no judgements on here my friend , just good advice and support.
If you need any help with thing's I've mentioned you can call the gamcare team and disscuss them further , or just ask on here !.
I gave up gambling about 3 months ago after many years and many , many thousands thrown down the pan , thanks to willpower and the great people on this site, I've stayed gamble free , so you can do it !!.
Give yourself a few day's and your head will clear a bit , we all go through lots of up's and down's and, many different emotional feeling's , all of which are pretty normal , it just seem's to be part of letting go of our past and coming to terms with our future as non gamblers.
Any urges or feeling's of wanting to bet will pass in time but if you want to talk , then just post a comment and someone will answer your post !.
Hope this helps you a bit ? , I'm always about on here so we will prob cross paths again , until then best wishes my friend !
Take one day at a time !...............................................Alan
Thank you for your detailed reply Alan, I appreciate your time.
In the past I've always said "Right that's it, no more" but not really meant it. This time I feel like I've hit a point where things need to change. I wouldn't say rock bottom, as I'm financially stable still, but I think it's dawned on me that I'm wasting time and a lot of money and it could easily spiral into not being able to pay the bills.
Anyway, today is DAY ONE of not playing.
For me, it's always been arcades and as a young adult, the over 18's sections. As I've got older, it's been motorway services and most recently, online casinos.
As a travelling account manager, there's frequent service stops, which means plenty of flashing light temptation. Today I went in the services for lunch and managed to not even look in the direction of the machines. I've also had no urge to play online.
The triangle you mention rings true, as I haven't had any spare time today - I guess this evening is the real test as I'm free to do whatever. As I write this, I have no desire to play.
I appreciate all the support I've had on here already, so thanks very much!
Hi scientist well done for coming on here it really does work and the help and support is unbelievable.i am just back myself and not hit major rock bottom either but am determined am not going to give in this time.take care scottyboy
Thanks Scotty, good luck in staying off whatever your downfall has been!
DAY TWO:
Today I was office based, so no chance to even think about playing. Now I'm home, there's the usual online temptation but I'm currently not feeling anything, so all good for now.
I think the real test will be when I'm next in the pub and fancy sticking some change in the fruity - that'll be something to stop, because that keeps the flame lit for bigger fires outside of the pub.
So far, so good.
I found out going to the pub with my friends and trying to avoid fruit machines really hard the last time i was gamble free for 9 months.well for 1st few months then after that,i stayed away if they were playing and the more i heard them complaining of losing money the more i was determined not to go near them.take it 1 day at a time fella,put all your focus on Xmas and new year and keep those days racking up.take care and be kind to yourself. Scottyboy
DAY SIX(?)
I guess over Christmas, it's a bit easier to keep away - I've been at the Mrs' parents house quite a bit, or just generally haven't been anywhere that has the facility to gamble.
I did have a dream the other night that I won a load of money online, but then woke up and was actually glad it wasn't real and that I hadn't slipped back into it.
For now, I remain gamble free and haven't consciously wanted to play.
Happy Christmas everyone and all the best for a gamble-free 2016!
Mike
Hello, congratulations it's big success 7 days- well done:) for me is just day 2 but reading stories like yours I see that I'm not alone and it's little bit easier and can be only better if I do my best to stop gamble 🙂
Hello and well done on a good start to your recovery.keep up the good work.all the best David
Thanks for your comments everyone!
This must be Day 13 now, I've still only had minor cravings to play and so far have managed not to give in. No more dreams either, so that's a positive.
Happy new year to all on here, I hope you all have a great gamble free year - just keep reading all the stories on here and feed off of them, it's definitely helped me kick the habit so far.
Cheers all!
Hi scientist.
Well done and keep going with your good progress. I returned here on 29th Dec, that being my last gambling day after almost 2.5 yrs of abstinance. Hopefully I can quickly get right back on track again.
Take care.
Feb.
I just let myself down.
Sorry to hear this scientist - do you want to explain further?
Also are you a scientist? I love science and I have been listening to various science podcasts to take my mind away from gambling. Listening to podcasts is one of my best tips to eat up some of the time left from not gambling.
I played online today. I initially lost £200, got up to £900 then put in another £200. So I'm actually up today, but the profit isn't the point. I'm annoyed that I've played again, it feels like all those days were a waste of time. I thought I was beating the urges, then auto pilot kicked in and away I went again.
No I'm not a scientist, I actually work in the aerospace industry as an account manager. Ironic really, seeing as I fail to manage my own account.
yeah its not a good cycle scientist - you need to kick the habit as you know the next time you won't be so lucky... and the time after that... and the time after that... and the time after that... etc
keep the faith
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