Hi diary,
So although this is my 3rd time at freeing myself, I haven't posted on here because I felt like a let down. Today however, I have woken up with a sense of achievement as I am now 31 days without gambling which is the longest I have gone without feeding the slots in a long long time. Christmas was really hard, my anxiety has been through the roof, I re-read my old posts and all the despair and anxiety comes flooding back. I still don't know if I have anxiety caused by gambling or vice-versa and maybe I will never know but I'm certainly not going to test the theory by gambling.
I sat this morning and worked out that my 11k of debt can be paid off within 8 months so although I have a long way to go, that will be a huge goal for me. 2018 is going to be my year, the blocks are all in place, I have a GA meeting on Thursday and I will be here to post everyday as I know I can do this.
Hi, wanted to pop and say hello and well done for coming back-not always easy. The fact you're looking into your debts and working out when they could be paid off (I'm doing the same) is a fabulous start! Get things written down and ticked off (I'm a huge fan of seeing things being ticked off-gives a great sense of achievement!) I hope you find the strength to fight through your anxiety and stamp down your debts-I'm sure you will-stay strong and good luck cx
Day 32
What a great day! Just back from a meeting, got so much out of it! I can do this. I hit my bottom and from there, I can only go up. Will post again tomorrow but for now, happy in the moment.
Day 35
I cannot quite believe how positive I am feeling in general. I have been reading the recovery stuff from gamanon and it just resonates with me. No urges for a good few days now. I will not get complacent and I’ll continue to do what is right for me.
Just read your diary, wow you are doing so well! I am in a similar situation to you and similar days gf. Very well done for coming this far, you are doing it!
Day 37
Something struck me this morning. This time last year, I was so worried about making it until the end of the month as payday always falls early in December. I think I was actually physically sick a few times this time last year.
As I write, I have pretty much all of my disposable income left in my account this month! What a fantastic feeling! 2018 is a great year already. Just for today I will be grateful for what I have and not what I don't.
Day 38
I find myself really looking forward to my meeting tomorrow, have had a pretty good week and am slowly starting to realise that the things I am feeling are the things I have been wanting for so long so I need to embrace them. When I first joined this site, I read Charley/Sabines diary and she often quoted from a daily inspiration which I have signed up to.
Today's reading is about forgiveness. Today I am trying to forgive myself of the mistakes I have made in the past, I am trying to let them go. I will be financially paying for my mistakes for a while but I can be at peace with that.
Hi Itsme123 - I'm glad you're getting back on top of things and posting here.
It's so good to read the sense the joy from your last few posts. I honestly don't get why we feel the need to gamble when it's so obvious that we are always happier when we don't.
I'm glad the new year has started well for you - and long may it continue.
Take care
Equinox
Day 40
another great meeting last night, really busy today so not much chance to update but day 40 and I am doing well with no urges. Enjoying being in the moment with no fear, guilt or remorse.
will write soon
Day 42
Another great day and the weekend still to come! Enjoyed a long walk today, good to get back to basics. Just for today I will be happy in the moment
Day 45
Hi diary, sorry I didn't post over the weekend, I was really busy spending time with my family which is something I haven't done for a long time. Previously, when I was gambling, I would be with friends and family but not really there....I mean I would be physically there but mentally I was thinking about how I could get away and hit the slots. I am so glad I don't have to do that any more. Heres to a good week!
Hi Itsme123
great to read you are spending time with the family, a luxury you have when you aren't actively gambling and congrats on 45 days, that is well worth a celebratory family day out at the end of the month. Be proud of yourself.
Wilsy
Day 47
hi diary. Struggling today, not sure why, wonder if it's to do with boredom and being stuck home with the weather? Anyway, I'm going to get on the treadmill and walk a couple of miles then a nice hot bath and bed. I can get through this 1 hour at a time
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