6 months gf- not how i expected to feel

Mental health is a nightmare! I have anxiety issues and depression and have really decided that each day is different and a new challenge. Like yourself and so many gamblers I was in a hell of a lot of debt but I am paying it off. But when I am feeling down I REFUSE to chase the Lows (everyone thinks about the highs but the lows are just as addictive). Kee P being strong. you have proved to yourself you can do it and battle through the bad days. To go 6 months GF commands respect from one compulsive Gambler to another. I am on 300 Plus days and I feel your pain. Keep going.

Congratulations on 6 months it is a huge achievement. Sometimes we expect different kinds of feelings.

Do call a helpline, they will not be judgemental.

Paulds

I hear you. That little "but" is your thinking, not the helpline peoples. You will be heard and understood. Give them a chance. Give yourself a chance. Noone should be alone with that kind of thinking. I hope you reach out and talk to someone. You deserve the support. You've done so well. I am proud of you. 

Take care. 

Drama x

Hi LouLou.

I gambled because I have been mildly to clinically depressed on and off all my life. I gambled because I was lonely and thought I would never find a love that seemed real. I was generally bored because thats a symptom of depression and emptiness

I gambled because I felt unworthy. I gambled because I had bad memories about being bullied at school and all the rubbish jobs I never should have done.

I gambled because of all the backstabbing work environments I have been in where I was not valued and had no career.

I gambled because Ive been cheated on and what should have been the love of my life didnt really care about me.

I gambled because I lost all motivation and ended up unemployed with no direction

Gambling was NEVER the answer to how I was feeling. It was an escape fix from  my pain. I ended up actually wanting to punish myself and my counsellor sees my gambling as a deliberate self harming process.

We never said that being gamble free suddenly whisks you to the land of mik and honey. What it should do is give some calmness and even serenity that its under control so you can look at your life and who you are.

Surely you must realise that gambling only added to your troubles by ruining your finances. What would gambling now really soothe and escape you from?

Mental health is a difficult one. I know about feeling down so Im not going to give you any twee advice about the simple pleasures in life. I think we can all focus on how harmful gambling is and make gradual changes to improve our lives and feel more content

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Loulou... your doing really well.

No gambling for 6 months despite feeling like pants. I take my hat off to you. 🙂

As Joydivider so powerfully says, gambling is a reaction to life and how we feel about ourselves. When in action we have temporary relief and then when the action finishes our "pain" returns together with all the new problems that we have just created.

Difficult feelings will pass. Your ok 🙂

Hi LouLou,

Society is a challenging environment at the moment. I think of it as pain pinball. A lot of people scurrying about trying to get through the day, sometimes banging into each other and getting bruises.

I can relate to feeling that things are a slog, at times. I think radical self-acceptance always helps. Stuff how you're "supposed" to feel. You feel how you feel. 

You're doing just great.

i hope to reach 6 months gf i am close to 1 week hang on in there you will always find a reason to go on this is the way of life i go through it every day myself

Hey Joyrider,

You just copied and pasted my life story...(??)

Depression is behind so many addictions...

And it is true that getting clean and quitting any or all addictions does not guarantee eternal life and boundless happiness.

But being in control of our lives and futures might give us a degree of pride, self-respect and esteem that does make even a crappy life worth living...

It is ok not to feel ok. 

You really do not know what amazing things could be just round the corner, and there is never a reason to jump back into the toilet we have crawled out of and pull the chain...

Dear @loulou,

please never feel that you have nowhere to turn to, that people won't take you seriously when you are feeling low and suicidal. Please always make sure to call the mental health services if you are feeling unsafe.

I am really hoping that being back to work is going to help you with your mental health. 

I am also hoping that you are feeling in a slightly better frame of mind today.

Please keep posting and reaching out.

Wishing you all the best,

Forum Admin

Thankyou all for taking the time to  reply, i think sleep would help right now but I just keep waking up I'm so drained ..about 6 months ago if I was awake at this time I would be on the gambling sites but gamstop is in place and preventing that now.

wishing you all luck with your gambling recovery 

This makes me sad,  i should be 2 years gamble free if i didnt mess up but i am actually only 4 months again 

i dont want to relapse again i have been trying so hard,i have my block and determination. I still keep getting urges but i am so determined to pay my debt off i dont want to ruin my progress. I should be debt free end of this year. 

Do the urges ever fully go away ? I know the consequences, i know how to not gamble with the blocks etc but theres still sometimes the thoughts come back

Hi Lou.. I relate to your thoughts.

Firstly, be proud of your gambling free time, whether its 1 day or 10 years, its an achievement. Remember its a very powerful compulsion/addiction.

Secondly, I also know how to not gamble with the blocks in place. Am cheerful at the moment because a combination of gamstop and blocking software has stopped any realistic thoughts of gambling  in their tracks. Am safe. But like you say, thoughts persist, it is what it is. I have to accept that. After 25 years of gambling and not gambling, its not just gonna go away.

I think your doing mighty fine, just take each day as it comes and try not to dwell on what is now history.

Regards, S.A

Thanks for your reply SA.

Starting to feel a bit jittery again

just rang the helpline to talk to an advisor..but i stupidly didnt check my battery and my phone died so frustrated at that

Its gonna be a long hard evening..as much as i hated the pain gambling caused my brain seems to still get the urge of thinking i want to.

Its gonna be a really long evening :'(

Lou x

Just realised on my profile im 125 days gamble free..feeling better to communicate with others again so im gonna get my diary reinstated rather than posting back on here.

I was just shocked when i found this post the other day and realised i could have been 2 years gamble free. Never mind i cant change that now 

Lou x