6 Years On: Facing Forwards

Hi ds123

A wonderful effort and a massive well done on the year gamble free, an example for us all and a true inspiration and hope to others

Castle2

Morning.

Just dropping in to add my congratulations on your 1 year free.

Continued best wishes,

gazza

A massive congrats on the one year, it's a massive achievement one to be so proud of and one to use as fuel to keep it going for another year ahead and beyond. Keep it up and keep enjoying that feeling. Your turning it all around and that's worth celebrating.

Merry Xmas one and all.

Has been a tough year, but I've kept my head above water and slowly good things have started happening to me.

Been laid low with some pretty brutal man flu for the best part of a week now, but Christmas Day at home with the family was pleasant, warm, and full of love. It is much easier to appreciate these things - indeed it is much easier to give a good 'account of myself' when gambling has been removed from my life. Feel like I've eaten about 11 kilos of food today; looking forward to a quick trip to the Lane to watch the West Brom game tomorrow.

Still lots of work for me to do, but 2014 certainly looks a little brighter than things did this time last year.

Big thanks to people who've helped me along the way thus far.

Day 380

D123

D123,

I've not been posting much on other diaries recently but just wanted to drop you a quick line. I have been reading through your diary over the last while and just wanted to say how well you are doing. One year gamble free is a fabulous achievement.

I hope the new job is going well and hope that that brings an exciting new challenge to your life.

Also, I am interested to find out if you managed to stop smoking.

Tomso.

Thanks for the support and as usual much appreciated. Well done on continued abstinence.

re post on Tomsos diary just being honest and calling it as I see it as always.

Best wishes for 2014.

Ds123

fella thanks for the xmas wishes and great to read you have enjoyed a good festive season.

your words have always been of great help to me during the journey we share, more so the ones away from the forum.

To have a level head and look at things objectively something you have gifted me more than once.

For it I thank you my friend.

I hope 2014 gifts you a year of greater forefillment.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Happy New Year one and all; I've been posting intermittently on other diaries but noticed my own was lagging way down on Page 4/5 so thought I'd drop a quick update.

All is well, been back at work since Thurs which actually seems like a bit of a blessing - easing myself in before the mad commute arrives on Monday. It's funny, lately gambling has seemed both lightyears away from my consciousness, whilst being constantly on my shoulder at the same time. I feel simultaneously free of gambling, yet eternally strapped to it. Twice over the xmas holidays for example, I had vivid dreams/nightmares that I'd been gambling it all away again, only to awake and realise it wasn't true. I don't worry about crumbling like I used to - yet still watch racing on the telly, and find myself checking football odds just out of interest.

I guess I am still learning, and must remind myself (once again) that there is no place whatsoever for complacency. I have been quite opinionated on other diaries this evening, and I should certainly take my own advice in that respect. This is no time to rest on my laurels; this is no time to think I've got this cracked. Indeed, this is probably no time to give up the forum completely - as I was considering before xmas. Must stay vigilant and keep working at my recovery.

Day 391

D123

Hi D123

Thanks for the post, I identified with it alot.

I also at times find myself checking out betting odds for racing and football, looking at the racing guide and form. I do manage to stop myself and say dont do this, its feeding the monster. I did these things automatically for a lot of years, even now 18 months on I know I need to keep working and protecting myself from this type of thinking. Putting them out there on a diary and talking about them is always good, like you said no place for complacency. Keep them those thoughts out of the dark and hold in the light.

Its great to see you have been gamble free for so long, I love your approach and attitude to recovery. I have done good so far but I still need to keep my guard up, still keeping working at recovery.

All The best

Rob

Hi D thanks for your post on my diary. I've just had a good read of yours and wanted to offer my congratulations on what you have done. Not just in gambling terms but all the rest. All the best

Hi D

Nice to see you post again. Well done on your achievements last year. I know you and me decided to give up around the same time - 18th Jan 13 for me. Like you, it has/is still going well for me (apart from a "moment of madness") back in August when I lapsed for a few hours!! I did learn a very valuable lesson from that however and so continue positively with my journey into this year.

Take care and hopefully catch up again.

Feb.

Thanks for comments guys.

Someone posted this old FT article elsewhere in the forum - an excellent read. Possibly slightly removed from the gambling activity of lots on here, but some really familiar stuff nonetheless.

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/788…144feab49a.html#axzz2p2ysncQN

D123

13 months is a wonderful achievement. I hope to be able to claim that too, but unfortunately I will have to wait 12.5 months more. Yours is an act I hope to follow. Congrats!

Mon ami d123

Masiive well done for your 13 months free of betting ! apologies for worrying you and many others, good news is i am back ! bad news is that my last run in with gambling cost me circa 7k !

Anyhow today is day 3 for me, hoping i can find the strength from somewhere to finally kick this habit !

Dark Place

I've been toying with exactly how I should phrase this post. In the past, satisfaction and 'happiness' has tended to breed complacency. I almost live in constant fear of taking a deep breath, relaxing, and really accepting that I'm in a good place. I'm a superstitious little b*gger, and would usually think this was tempting fate - and that I'd soon find myself back in the gutter. Who knows, maybe that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

But just recently things have really started improving for me. I'm approaching 14 months since I last gambled, but in reality it felt like I stuck my head down and dragged myself through the first year of that - depressed, aimless and still desperately requiring some escape or release from my own existence. I've sometimes read back through my diary and it makes for pretty bleak reading.

Finally, the storm clouds seem to be clearing. I have a new job which, although not half as lucrative as my previous work, seems pretty stimulating and time-consuming. My wedding is only months away now. My knee is yet to recover from the op pre xmas (so I'm still a long way off playing football again) - that's tough but I feel sort of big enough and calm enough to deal with that now. I'm still dabbling in some occasional drinking/recreational drugs, but nothing at all heavy - and I don't feel that old nagging fear that I'm going to slip into the abyss of addiction and depression that threatened me for so long.

I still have £8-10k of debt, but nothing unmanageable - and making decent money, it shouldn't take all that long to pay off (Given that I've **** £120k ish over the years that figure is at least manageable).

Equally as important I guess - is that I feel as removed from gambling as I ever have done. No matter how much cash I had/didn't have in the past, I knew it was a false figure - because I was always liable to melt down and s**nk the lot. 14 months ago I did 30k in 6 days... it could have been £100k (or more) if I'd had any means of accessing the cash. Nowadays I just feel different somehow. As I've said before and I'll say again - gambling just beat me up too many times for me to ever go back. It chewed me up and spit me out over and over and over again - stripped me of my dignity, confidence and self-worth. It has taken well over a year for me to even start getting any of this back. Tentatively - of course - I feel comfortable in the fact that I will not gamble.

I guess people like me may be some sort of beacon of hope for people on here. God knows I drew strength and inspiration from all the stories I read on here when I first arrived. I spent 10 years in that endless heartbreaking, exhausting struggle, thinking I would never escape. Finally, I feel like I may be doing that.

I'll not lie, it's been bl**dy hard work thus far. I embraced GA, CBT, counselling and this forum in my recovery - and I am pleased that I did.

The sun is perhaps not shining in all its glory just yet, but the rain and cloud have cleared. Ever cautious - ever vigilant - facing forwards. Thanks for reading.

Day 416

D123