Dan's Diary

Hi Compulsive Gambler

I have just read the forum and thought id drop in to say kep going you are doing great! Working through these tough times are going to make your kids and your wife incredibly proud as well as yourself. Like you, i have neglected myself so much over the last several years and gone without so many things, put myself through sleepless nights and endless anxiety! I know that our gf lives will only get better and better.

Athena

Thanks athena - muc appreciated

Day 142 GF

I've not been anywhere near as focused on the day count this time round but it is nice to drop by and just have the days there, reminds me I have started well, 142 days GF mean I have a good chance of making it 143 GF

Lots of work ahead over the coming week, don't really enjoy my job but financially not in a posiiton to risk changing - yet another consequence of my choice to gamble family money

suck it up, face into it and crack on with the job without gambling distractions - it's certainly a bit easier to concentrate

day 144 GF.

life without gambling isn;'t easy but even after another tough day, I still feel positive that I have continued my 100% abstinance and the light remains at tthe end of the tunnel, in regards 'life'

the battle will remain forever, the damage I caused and self inflicted will remain a visible scar for a long time yet.

health has improved a bit but that needs more focus and more urgency, a real boost for a month or so to get through the worst of it all

Well done CG ! Your Dairy is very inspiring . Keep up the good work ! I'm rooting for you.

Sars

Thank you Sars - very kind

hammer blow in regards car repairs and therefore finances, wont deny when the quote was given my mind switched to 'instant cash' - total bill equates to about 4 four months of debt repayments, in turn that means will probably not get everything repaid without incurring high rates of interest again.

Thankfully, a period of abstinance and complete honesty with those around me mean I don't have to try and find the funds in secret. I know in the past I would have lied about the cost of the repair (why?! - possibly to 'protect' my wife from the despair of a large bill - remember telling myself this before) reality is I would probably have lied as part of the whole financial mystery world I was operating in.

So yeah, a hammer blow, an extension to the debt BUT doable. Goodness only knows where I would of been financially by now had I not got everything out in the open, I guess I'm trying to say, every cloud...

Day in day out, this struggle remains real, the mental torture continues but the pain my wife must have felt getting that bill can only have been worse than whatever I think/ feel. The point being, If I hadn't chosen to gamble, I wouldnt have such an old car and even If I did, we could of paid the bill, said ouch and then moved on with life.

I made the choices, I gambled and now I and those around me continue to be affected by the consequences of MY actions.

Today though, I will choose not to gamble

The sun is shining and I am a few days older but a little bit healthier than I was last week

best wishes to all fighting their own battle. Each to their own but my view is, if you haven't already, confess - get your addiction out in the open

Just wondering CG and you may well disagree; and fully respected if you do.

But I would say you are a recovering compulsive gambler now: you are free if this addiction, every day topping up that resolve and belief.

Is it worth changing your name accordingly?

Controversial perhaps, but a thought...

All the very best CG!

Mixer

Hi Mixer, thanks - I think it's a valid question, certainly one I'd not thought of.

I shall mull it over - I'm early stages of any recovery and still regard myself as a compulsive gambler just one that no longer gambles...

in fact as I type, i've had a thought - I'm not fixated on targets per se but I do like the idea of getting to 500 days so i shall keep my name until then, at which point I will change it and then i will do so again after 1,000 days - that's quite a nice incentive for me to remember

In fact you have given me another plan - at 10,000 days GF I shall change my name to my real one. I will be nearing retirement age then (yes I had to google that to check when it would be!)

thanks, I do love a good plan!

147 days GF

cheeky little 150 days gamble free

100% abstinance, no 'free bets', no scratchcards, nothing, just no gambling.

Life is tough enough without adding gambling into the mix as well!

There's nothing " Cheeky " or " Little " about 150 day's of hard earned freedom my friend :))

Enjoy you just reward's Dan and here's to the double century that's lurking just around the corner :))

Have a good night Bud !

thanks Alan! much appreciated!!

Alan's got it 'bang on', there's nothing cheeky about 150 days GF! I aspire the same, and its dairies like yours that help feed my determination.

Here's to 200 .. day by day, as always 🙂

Congratulations Compulsive Gambler . 151Days GF . Wonderful to realise you now have the freedom to live a life of your own choosing . Wishing you good adventures ....stephen

Thank you mixer and abstainer

152 days now.

just read a post about feeling disgusted in ourselves. it's hard work, it really is but what on earth must it be like for our loved ones

i feel good overall, progressing in the right direction but i have many times that general life feels like a heavy burden and i question my ability to cope - such a roller coaster

thinking i'd like to start a crowndfunding site with a view to raising enough funds for class action, not really about the money more about the safeguards and ability to self exclude online permantly et

156 days and now two days off work

heard some very sad news about someone reasonably close yesterday, always sobering

sadly it hits me two ways as I also get a little depressed about what i could be doing with two days off, instead I shall be mainly botching some DIY to try and maintain the house whilst also not spending any money

an ongoing consequence of my choice to gamble, today however I am choosing not to gamble and the sun is shining, my debt is reducing and my children are healthy. Life could be and used to be far worse.