90 days clean and nearly gave in!!!

Hi Andrew,

Welcome to the recovery diaries section.

Well done on starting a diary and all the best with your recovery.

You have already hit the nail on the head, with mentioning ODAAT.

This is a tool that in my opinion has to be used when starting to come to terms with gambling problems. Don't set to many long term targets and goals. Just get through 'One day at a time' my friend......it's enough.....

Keep strong.

All the best

Ade

Thanks Ade - really appreciate your supportive comments - this site is really helping me so far.

Just about through my 3rd day gamble free now - still feeling positive and determined to keep going. Been busy at work these last two days so haven't really had a chance to think about much else.

I think the weekend will prove a bigger test but I'm going to do my utmost not to cave in.

See you all tomorrow!

Hi andrew52, I did pop by your 1st post but bizarelly addressed my welcome to a postee rather than yourself...So Welcome 🙂

Good to see you starting a diary, it really helped me in my early days of recovery! I downsized instead of remortgaging to deal with £75k of debt but then carried on down the same destructive path & have had many more chances to wipe the slate clean but learned nothing - til now! I too found the FOBT's later in life & the cash limit on my credit cards & bank account no longer kept me 'safe'. Suddenly the damage was being done faster than I could take out new loans or new credit cards to cover my losses & something had to give before I lost my partner (I had already spent 6 lonely years not dating as gambling was more important)!

You can do this, if I can, anyone can & you only need to worry about today! Don't put any extra stress on yourself by being afraid of when you would usually do it because that it your past now! When the urges come you deal with them, any which way you can, not just one day but hours & minutes @ a time if necessary & your days will click up - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT - supportive messages such as yours and from other posters are a massive help - I'm finding the daily diary is really focussing my mind in these early days. 4 days clean now and am pleased with today - I had to go to London for meetings and in the past if I had an hour or so to spare before catching my train home I'd be in the bookies. This weighed heavy on my mind since I got up this morning, but I was strong and went and sat in Costa Coffee instead - a whole lot cheaper than my previous habit.

I'm already feeling happier as a person - long may it continue.

Back again tomorrow - Cheers Andrew

I've reached 7 days gamble free - it has seemed quite a long week but so far I haven't had a strong urge to bet. I know there are going to be some tough days ahead but coming on here and sharing my thoughts is spurring me on. I'm concentrating on getting on with my life and feeling more positive about myself. Also i still have £20 in my wallet from the £40 i started out with on Monday and my bank balance hasn't taken its usual hammering.

Here's to week 2!

Cheers

Andrew

Hi Andrew,

Very well done on getting through one week and good positive post.

Stay positive and keep going.

Suzanne xx

Thanks for your support Suzanne.

Another positive day 8 days gamble free - even went to the gym for the first time in ages - trying to get myself back together mentally and physically!

This diary routine is working for me so far - need to stay strong.

Thanks all

Andrew

Hi all - now up to 10 days gamble free. Working away on business last night - went for a bite to eat and a quick pint and then when i came out there was a William Hills opposite - it made me go cold but I walked on by - a couple of weeks ago i'd have been straight in there stuffing my money into the FBOTs. Woke up this morning and felt good that I didn't weaken. Just hope i can keep this going. Back again tomorrow.

Andrew

Well done Andrew. You are doing brilliant and you overcame a massive hurdle when you walked by that bookies.

Thanks Greggsboy - appreciate your kind comments. Now on day 12 of my new gamble free existance - strange but it feels so much longer than 12 days since I last had a bet. I'm still not getting any strong urges to gamble, but I'm sure it won't always be that way. Been really busy with work since the start of the year which has helped me focus elsewhere. Feeling better about myself and my bank account is in a better state than it would normally be at this stage of the month so that's a big positive.

Thanks for all your support - back again v soon.

Cheers

Andrew

Hi Andrew, great work not weakening @ the proximity of the shop...There will be plenty more tests like this with shops on every corner & still new ones opening every day! It was very scary for me in the early days but now I just laugh @ them because I am no longer afraid that they will be able to suck me back in! I find that tme is so much more valuable in recovery because I actually noticed it as I started to feel better & move away from where I was...Maybe this is why it feels longer! I am always relieved to hear that you are aware you can't afford to be complacent, the urges can & will strike when you least expect them!

Keep up the training - healthy body, healthy mind & long may your urges stay buried - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT - I really appreciate your support and encouragement - it's a big help.

I'm now 15 days gamble free and feeling positive. Went to the football with my mates yesterday and for the first time in years didn't have a bet on the game, so that's another small hurdle I've overcome. I can't beleive how much more relaxed I feel - not that urge to rush down to the bookies to put a last minute bet on and making up stupid lies about where I'm going.

Although it's only 15 days, it feels much longer than that since my last bet - not sure if that's a good thing?

Keep strong everybody - Cheers Andrew

I think it may also feel longer because gambling is now your past! As long as you are feeling strong, it must be a good thing because it feels like distance between you & those days!

Hopefully you enjoyed the football for what it was rather than for what the outcome could bring? Lots of people note how much more rewarding their sport becomes once they are in recovery!

15 days done & life already very much more enjoyable, happy days :-). Keep it up - ODAAT

Thanks Odaat - i appreciate your support

I am now on day 17 - been in London for work today and had a couple of separate preiods of an hour to kill - bookies crossed my mind as that's exactly what i would have done before - it wasn't a strong urge and i didn't succumb.

As well as getting strength from this website i am also reading a really good book - Overcoming Gambling: A guide for problem and compulsive gamblers - i downloaded it from Amazon for less than £4 - some of it is really helpful.

Back again tomorrow

Cheers andrew