A better future starts now

Happy 150! Just thought I'll remind you how amazingly well you're doing ☺

Well done & never give up on yourself.

Day at a time

S x

Thank you ,it's amazing how much better I feel now compared to 160 days ago , it's a horrible feeling but one I really don't want to forget .

Life in general is still full of worry and hospitals but without gambling in my life I am able to deal with it all so much better.

For the first time in a few year I am really looking forward to xmas , it has been one of the least stressful ones there has been in a few year .. For the past few year I have been so stressed out worrying about how I'm going to afford to buy for the kids or buying everything with plastic or payday loans , but not this year 🙂 kids will be spoiled ( they deserve it ) and all is bought with cash ! And it feels amazing .im really looking forward to 2017 a new year and a new me . I really can't wait to say goodbye to this year , when I sit and think about all the pain I have caused with the lies , debt, and everything else that goes with compulsive gambling I feel so ashamed of myself ,I can't quite believe how I ever let myself get that bad , at the peak of my gambling I was in a very dark place , one I wish never to go back to , thinking back now it was like I was someone else , what a horrible person I was it was like I was in my own little world , I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn't care ,it was like I was numb and I didn't feeling anything , it's quite hard to explain ....

My other half still doesn't trust me ( only right ) with my bank card ,if I need anything he will give me the cash ... But this is how I want it and how it will stay as I find it so much better , it's like there is no pressure on me .

To anyone just starting out ,please stay strong as life is so much better in many ways .i know it's still early days for myself and it will be a on going battle but it's a battle I will keep fighting .

Well just 2 weeks after my last post my worst nightmare happened. My brother took a turn for the worst and died just 4 days before xmas, it was totally his choice as he couldnt deal with it any longer , how he must of felt having to make that decision to end your own life ( he was ventilatored permanently since his accident 2 year earlier) I could never imagine, the last few weeks of his life was unbearable and heartbreaking. The only comfort I can take from it is him knowing I was there for him and knowing he is no longer suffering..... the last year has been extremely difficult I have relapsed on a couple of occasions but I'm now back on the right track and dealing with everything head on.... it all still feels very raw and the time of year is bringing back so many memories but I am staying focused. I have realised I need to deal with everything the past few year has thrown at me.... hoping for a better future and it's down to me wether or not that will happen ... so here I go on my gamble free journey taking it one day at a time.

So sorry to hear about your brother 🙁

& good on you finding your way back here with your sleeves rolled up. Welcome back to the battlefield fellow soldier...Keep fighting - ODAAT

Thank you ODAAT means a lot 🙂

I'm extremely disappointed that I let it happen but the good thing is no damage was done and I realised straight away what I was doing was wrong.. it has been a few month now since my last blip but I'm starting to worry that I may lose focus with the anniversary of my brother coming up and I need to do all I can to help me stay on the right track and I feel that this site will help me as it helped me so much last year.