Today is day one gambling free.
Online slots are my problem. I enjoy them, and for some crazy reason I see them as a way to make money! I am a clever educated woman, I know the house edge etc, but I still see it as a money making thing. I know it is luck, but still see it as me 'doing it right' or 'failing' .. as if when I loose there is something I could have done.
So, this has been a problem on and off for 10 years. I was doing ok, then in the new year I had an episode where I was £2k down over a month. I drew a line under it, self excluded from everything, and then last week I was so happy I had finally got money straight and paid this debt. So, what do I do? I find a casino I am not a member of (so I hadn't excluded) and decide to just deposit and have some fun - even if I lose, I'll take it on the chin and just get on with life.
Well, I deposit £100 = win up to £800 and withdraw. Great! A great one-off. Wow, that is me set right for money and can buy a few nice things I need for the house. The next day - I reverse the withdrawl and loose the lot!
Then I deposit another £100 (this is all coming from my overdraft now) and say if I win back the £100 I lost yesterday - so withdraw £200, I'm back where I started and leave it at that. I get it to £197 and withdraw.
I reverse that .......... why, I do not know.
As of yesterday I am £400 down for the week. And that is me being 'responsible' - I didn't gamble the part of the overdraft that will have to be used on the rent - thankfully!
Until now, I have never admitted this is a problem for me. To be honest I feel a bit of relief now I have admitted it to myself. I had this constant stress of having to gamble, and them having to chase loses, like it was an unachievable job I had to do.
Even as I type this I am still thinking - ... well I could win this back ...
I am not going to go on another casino site, but I can't get it through my thick skull that I will never win.
Hi Mindy, yes they owe me, I know that feeling well.
My husband is a very calm and understanding man, but I just feel so ashamed and embarassed to tell him. I moan at him for wasting money on bits and bobs such as brand names instead of supermarket own and so on. We've not much money, he works hard, and he teases me that I'm really tight. I suppose I don't want him to see this side of me.
Thanks Half-life.
Well, I told my husband last night, to be honest I don't think he realises the seriousness of it. But, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I want to switch the bank account, and when I do that I will just let him access that one (which is for bills and emergancies). My weekly wages are for the shopping, and I plan on withdrawing that in cash each week.
I am not even tempted by betting shops, never played a fruit machine or FOBT before, and value cash a whole lot more than numbers on the screen. I feel safe working in cash. Any extra I would normally tuck away for treats and days out, I will tuck away in cash instead of online banking.
Hi catwoman
Well done for identifying that you may have a problem. I think that the most difficult realisation is that we cannot win in the long term. I remember saying before I admitted to having a problem, that the worst time is after a big win.
In my experience, the single most important step to take is blocking all of your devices. This takes the decision process of gambling out of your hands. If you are anything like me, when the craving came calling, there is nothing that would stop it. I am no longer under that pressure as I cannot gamble.
However you decide to go about it, good luck and always try to remember why you stopped in the first place.
Stay strong
Russ
Hi Catwoman. My story is a lot like yours. I won £2500 on a slot, then over the course of 3 days I managed to reverse and lose the lot. Chasing losses never works out for someone who has the compulsion to gamble. It's never enough, I too thought I was the one in control but that was a lie. My husband found out, it was difficult to admit the problem but I am now on day 47 of being gamble free and I had gambled pretty consistently for about 7 years. It's difficult at first but it does get easier. Make sure the blocks are in place and hand over financial control to your husband.....it's really effective. I have about £20 in my bank for emergencies and everything else I have given to my husband. When I get money I transfer it straight to his account and ask him when I need something. Even shopping money now goes to him and I get him to bring me the cash/transfer the right amount when I want to go to the supermarket. That was hard for me as I've always been extremely independant but as I say, it is effective. I have also started the free counselling that Gamcare offer - this has started to help me make sense of the why. If you can work on the cause and understand the triggers you can help yourself even more. Well done for taking the step, stay strong and look forward to reading of your recovery.
Thanks for your replies.
Today I have been feeling better about things and putting it all behind me. But feeling better about things, I begin to think I don't have a problem - and I have been here so many times before. Because when I think I don't have a problem, then it's OK to deposit a little bit for fun.
I am walking the dog, and thinking about the fun slot games in my mind.
I logged into my bank account and saw the deposits on the statement - that hurt! But I have to draw a line under it, it's the only way.
But I feel strong and husband is off work all week and we have things to do which is good.
Thanks all.
Hi Catwoman. I know what you mean, it's easy to think in the beginning that this is easy, that maybe you don't have a problem but if you get the urge to go back to the slots then it is surely a problem. Keep strong, keep your money, don't give it to the gambling sites...they don't deserve it! Have fun with your husband in the week together and my suggestion is to try and plan some things for after that week so you are not left alone with the thoughts and nothing to do. Keep busy, it helps.
I have not gambled, but have had lots of urges. When I am falling asleep or walking the dog, or daydreaming, online slots creep in - the fun bonus rounds and winning money. But I have began seeing it in a whole new way. Since admitting a problem and coming on this site, I realise that I don't get thoughts 'oh i fancy playing a slot for a bit' but more a COMPULSION. So, I have a little devil on my shoulder telling me often to just have a go, it's no big deal, I'll probably win since I have had such a loosing streak last.
BUT, I can take a step outside of this and beginning to see it for what it is.
Day 18, I played online slots for the first time and lost £250. Why did I do it? I thought I could just chance it as I was 99% I would win...
blah blah, I'm boring myself.
I did not like the feeling though, I felt really hot and uncomfortable and it's not something I want to repeat. I really felt like I was doing the wrong thing, and I didn't enjoy it .
I'm really turning a corner now, I was quite level headed about it, how much was i prepared to loose, I'm not even angry with myself, I'm just saying i told you so. I feel like I let the devil on my shoulder have it's way and now I've proved it wrong - it is not a good idea, it doesn't make money, it is not fun.
It's such a rip off!! No more!!
So, this is day 2 after my relapse.
I have had a few pangs, but overall I feel as if I am done and don't want to do this any more, ... this time I will stay on track. The money I lost did set me back in terms of paying back my large overdraft, however it could have been ALOT worse, £250 is not as bad as my past and strangley I am not beating myself up 1 - because I stopped there when I could have gone on, and 2 - I feel like I had to prove it to myself that there were no winning left for me.
Anyway, feeling on top of things. I am going to check in here more often too.
A major gripe, which I have mentioned on here before - I am constantly getting snal mail from bingo and casino sites. Also, I sit down last night to relax and watch some trash TV - Big brother - it's only sponsered by a casino and so I have to tend with that. Then, in the breaks are lotterads and bingo ads! This seriously has to stop for the sake of so many people.
Day 4
Feeling good, got work to do and been getting housework done. Spent some money on my dog, which feels good instead of spending all my money on gambling and then having nothing left for anything else. I am sticking to a plan of paying back my debts, but also letting myself buy something nice each week with £10 or so, because this used to go in the slots and ALOT more, so treating myself well instead of beating myself up. This is the new me, GF.
Day 5, GF
Got lots of reduced food at the shop. Focusing on saving money rather than spending money to make money!
Still feeling a bit sick at the financial position I've put us on, but debts can be paid back before Christmas and I am actually feeling positive about money again.
Day 18, still GF and not really felt interested in gambling at all.
It does feel longer than 18 days however, when I came on here I thought 'is that all', but well done to me all the same.
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