A Better Life

Hello JamC

Welcome to these diarys, you will find that your very much not alone and in a superb society of people who are tackling the same S***e.

Keep posting and reading, it is a battle but it can be won with the aid of these diary's, GA etc Stay true to yourself and who you are dear to you.

Strength and honor to you for facing things. I wish you well....

Well done

Thanks for the messages of support. It means alot and I hope to do the same for others.

Today I saw a mental heath assessor after being referred by my GP as I had told him what happened.

The good news is that they were more than happy with my state of mind and my positive outlook so don`t want to see me again.

A tough day today as it is my (ex) partners birthday. I should be helping her celebrate but that is not possible. Instead I have spent the evening at a very god friends house drinking tea. they have been very supportive.

10 days gamble free.

Almost forgot. It is my company`s Christmas party tonight. I have not gone. One because of money and two it is a Vegas casino theme night. Quite ironic really.

Be strong people. No more gambling equals a better life.

A mixed day emotionaly for me today. I watched my stepson play football this morning so it was really good to see him and my (ex) partner but I was really upset she didn`t bring my daughter.

I was under the impression that she would so was gutted. I haven`t seen her for 3 days and I miss her every minute of every day.

I have been told that I can see her tomorrow. I hope so.

My partner is out with friends tonight for her birthday. I gave her a lift but must admit to feeling a little sad as I should be with her celebrating. My choice to gamble has cost me that opportunity so here I am in the spare room of my parents house.

Tomorrow is another day, one that I hopefully see my daughter.

11 days gamble free

I have just come back from seeing the kids and am buzzing.

At one stage I thought I wouldn`t get to see them but my (ex) partner sent me a text to say I could go over.

I was able to bath my daughter and get her ready for bed. Saying goodbye was heartbreaking but she gave daddy a kiss.

Things are tough but I have to and want to be a better person.

12 days gamble free.

Oh I went to Church today. I haven`t been for over 20 years but it did give some sort of inner peace

Hi mate, sometime you have to face the cr** for things to get better

Michael

Yesterday was quite an intense day.

I had to have a meeting in work to discuss my problem gambling. In order for me to beat this they had to know. They will support me but I could tell they felt let down so it is my job to prove them wrong.

I then had my 1-2-1 session with the councillor. It was the first time I had seen him since my partner had found out about my gambling so it was quite hard reliving the details of the last couple of weeks.

I then got to spend a couple of hours with the kids, which was good. the hard part is my (ex) partner arriving to take them home.

The goodbyes are not easy.

It was then onto my GA meeting. I know GA might not be for everyone but I have found the two sessions that I have been to very good.

One thing I`ve noticed about having to move back in with my parents is how ill they both are, especially my mum.

I feel awful and ashamed that I have made them feel worse.

That`s the thing I realised with compulsive gambling. You end up hurting the people closest to you.

14 days gamble free

Well its been an eventful week but things certainly don`t get easier.

On Sunday I had my daughter to myself for the afternoon so that was fantastic.

and on Monday I was allowed to help with decorating the tree.

Yeaterday was a difficult day as | felt very much alone. I think it is down to thefact that I want to run before I can walk.

GA helped in the evening. I heard some interesting things which I will share with you on my next post.

I miss my family.

Deep down I don`t think at the moment they will ever forgive me. It seems like once a thief always a thief.

I will prove all my doubters wrong.

I don`t want anyone to feel sorry for me.

20 days gamble free.

I wish I knew why I gambled to the extent I did. I used to have the odd £1 accumaltor on the football and it seemed like harmless fun.

Somewhere along the line I became an idiot.

A part of me wants to know what triggered my stupidity.

What I do know is that compulsive gambling ruins lives and not just your own.

Not looking forward to Christmas but next Christmas will be a different story.

Just got back from baby sitting the kids and feel horrendous.

I will live with the guilt of what I have done for a very long time, if not life.

I am finding it very hard to be positive at the moment.

I have never won a fight in my life but now I have to win the biggest one.

I will always hate what gambling did to me and my family but I think this is a good thing because every day I hate it is another day not gambled.

3 weeks gamble free

Feeling down. Missing my baby and family. I hope one day they will forgive me.

Dreading Christmas.

Still gamble free.

Hi JamC,

Don't be too hard on yourself. Keep your abstinence going and better days will come. Past is past and nobody can change it. Concentrate on today, yourself and your loved ones.

Take it day at a time, it will get easier.

Take care

Sandra

Hi Jam, I have read through your thread and instead of feeling sorry for you I am actually inspired by how well you are doing considering how much cr** you are dealing with. It would be all to easy to go back to old ways but you are strong and determined and one day you will find that things have become better. Gambling eats away at all we hold dear and doesnt give up until we lose everything. You are taking your life back- what you achieved so far is amazing so dont be too hard on yourself.

I am almost 2 weeks free of this affliction and there are a few of us that have joined a thread on overcoming problem gambling- called 2014 challenge. It would be great if you could join us so we can help each other stay clean for 14!

Hi Hardtimes.

Thanks for your message. I am definitely up for the challenge. It will be good to focus my energy on something positive.

Like many of us on here Christmas is going to be tough but we all have one goal and that is to make our lives better which I certainly want to do. The hard part for me is not convincing myself because I don`t want to be the person who gambled all the time but convincing my loved ones is going to be one of my toughest battles.

Happy Christmas everyone and be strong.

One day at a time.

26 days gamble free