I have been here a few times before. I feel that I have possibly turned a corner. In my 25 years as an active gambler. I have never honestly once wanted to stop. i realize that now. Gambling has been my ultimate passion. The girlfriend that never left regardless of how much I hated and loved.
For the first time. I have changed a feeling I had on protecting myself from my addiction. I bought a betfilter for my computer. And I was happy that I did. That might sound abit duh,,, but for me that means a change in attitude and I feel I have actually won the battle right here. You as a gambler will know that the stories we keep in our baggage is quite a trip. Probably a book or a film in every experience.My story has been epic. My gambling has almost killed me a few times but this thought/ change of heart is inspiring. I am hopeful.. Yes I have a hughe mess to clean up my S*t after twenty five years but if the good lord got me this far maybe he will get a abit further down the road than this.
I am posting here not to boast not to mark anything but to share. I hope it can help you in some way.
All the best
Chris
Hi Chris
Great honest post and sharing what we have and know is the best way forward and will help everyone in their recoveries, like u I did 26 years b4 enough was enough and a change was needed that was 2 years ago 4 relapses since then but all learnings were took on board
Understanding what we are dealing with is important the reasons and triggers why we gamble, it is a long hard journey but one worth making
Stay close to this site its the best tool for anyone's recovery the support here is amazing no one judges we all understand and its a real pick me up on the bad days
I wish u all the best
Castle2
Ty for your reply Castle and I am sorry that it has taken time to reply back.
I have been out of it all now for a while. I am trying to find my way. It is a feeling of not knowing what to do. Gambling was the center of everything I used to do. There was not a second I was not a gambler. I would say truly possessed. Just writing these words and thinking of what I had been up to when I was gambling has started a dopamine reaction I suppose well call it or a slight head rush ( like you can get by the slots). So what happened? I got saved I suppose. I wont say more than that because the rest of that story is just for me, but in short that is what I believe has happened to me.
So now I will need to slowly find my way and learn the life of a non gambler. My past will haunt me for some considerable time because I carry debt from before. I do think I will be tested for a while but as I have got this far I will get the rest of the way to.
It is very hard to share this type of experience. Yes people may know my journey but it is ultimately my journey and I do not expect people to understand it. I can say it´s become more peaceful now than it has ever been and any true gambler will know that is saying a lot.
Regs
c43h
My addiction by choice was/ is gambling.
Before those words sounded like Greek to me. Addiction by choice. When I read some things here on this forum it suddenly makes a lot of sence. We can be addicted by choice to drink / drugs / gambling and food etc but why by choice? Did we realy choose this? Gambling is not drugs food drink or s*x. It is something we mechanicly do to get emotional pleasure in our brains. It´s a release of both reward and emotion and sometimes that release can be so strong it will overcloud drink, drugs, food and s*x and everything else for that matter. I supose it is choice. Why would we otherwise have anything at all to do with it and why would gambling firms chase us by phone or letter just to make us do more?
I choose to stop because I can. I hope choice can be a word that is important to those who need it and now read It. If not just give yourself time to think about it. It is important.
Regs
C43h
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
