A Diary of My Gambling Life - Rotting Away

Really gutted for you mate, it's horrible when something like that happens to one of us, and it can happen to any of us at anytime. At least you came straight back here, I reckon the majority of people who slip up leave this site and basically self destruct and spiral out if control. You mustn't do this, you had a good slap in the face but it never put you down. Pick up the pieces and start again. Don't beat yourself up or be to down, it was a slip that's all, gone now, learn from it. Be angry at yourself, be angry at gambling, be determined but don't give up. Read Cameron's post and Mike's they slipped up but came back stronger, more focused and believe it or not better for it. Every day you didn't gamble you won, you just got to start doing the same again, every day, one day at a time. This is a tough fight and in any fight you're going to get the odd dig or so. Soak it up and soldier on otherwise there'll be further pain along the line. I have 'slipped' up hundreds of times, it's an endless battle. The past is the past, forget it, leave the guilt behind. The future is we're success lies, if you really want it then it's yours, you have to earn it by being determined. Good luck and take care, Steve.

Crazy to read back. I am hardly teetotal, but have had a good year so far. I am self excluded from all the casinos in my city, as they were the real problem for me over the bookmakers.

2014 was a c**P year, was up down a lot, lost big near the end of the year that prompted me to make a big effort to stop.

In 2015 I think about 2 times I lost around £500-700 (A lot for a low wage earner like me), my most recent loss was 3 months ago, and only £150. I say only because that isn't a lot for me. I havent' been in a bookies since then and it hasn't been a struggle at all, the urges are certainly low and manageable. I have had a look a few times on the football accumulators, but that isn't what gets me excited/addicted, it is roulette. Haven't touched either in a while.

So yes, I have lost a few £ but my time spent in bookies and casinos is very small compared to last year, and I am in a good place right now with regards to gambling.

Slowly I am making savings, but it is hard on a low wage. My main problem today is that I cannot enjoy money, I try to save whatever I can and rarely go out or live my life. Maybe if I earned more I'd feel less guilty, but it is a mixture of thinking how far behind I am in the savings/life game, and also how little I earn for a 30yr old.

Hi Urgh,

I don't think I will ever be comfortable about money again in any form, it made me so ill trying to juggle what I did not have in the first place to feed my gambling, that it has left a big scar, I still panic about spending money even though we can get through the month now safely lol because we have enough for bills, debts, even food and toilet rolls lol.

What I am saying is I now earn less than half of what I was earning and yet I and my family are soon much richer in every way.

simply because I stopped chasing that ridiculous dream of thinking gambling can change my life for the better, I stopped chasing that ridiculous addiction because it crucified me in every way.

Stop thinking of what you lost and start thinking of all the positives in your life that you are now experiencing, and the simplest one is your freedom back to choose NO to gambling.

Keep going and keep winning

Suzanne xx

PS this addiction is not even about money at the end, that was a ploy and a symptom of our bigger picture :))))

Still gamble free, coming up to 6 months, before that it was "only" a £150 loss on the fobt. So only one betting sessing in 8-9 months in reality. So 2015 has been a good year as only a few big blowouts (maybe 2k total) in short amounts of times mainly during Jan-March. I remember being 1k up one time and the cashier desk closed for a break. By the time it had opened in 5 minutes the money was all gone. I used to spend hours upon hours in the casino several times a week so I have definitely made progress in saving time, even if the amounts are still a lot to me.

I'm here today because I had a dream today and the urges came back. In that dream haze on waking, my urges told me to cancel my exclusion and I could be back playing roulette again. I played the scenario in my head. I know that If I lost £100 I'd have to put in more, and until £500 lost, I believe I would stil put in more money. So that certainly scared me off it. I still need to be alert and realise the urges though very infrequent, are quite strong. I am at a stage where I can go about my everyday life without having to fight anything at all.

I have been saving what I can, too hard think. I don't make too much cash (below 20k). I am saving any overtime I do, and this Christmas is a headache because i have to actually spend more money than I'd like. I can't enjoy money anymore whether I gamble it or not. I still feel like saving it's a race, because i think about all the cash i lost over those years and where i'd be if i had saved it.

Anyway, thats it for now.

Very sobering to come back here after several months. Earlier in the year I slipped up a few times, probably lost 2k in total I believe I only went a handful of times to the casino, but lost some 4 months worth of savings. I self excluded from that one, it will expire next year, but as of right now, I cannot enter any casinos in the city.

The good thing is that I am now around 7.5 months gamble free, I am in a good place where gambling didn't enter my mind for several months.

I have made some savings, so a lot of the problem I had, the feeling that I had to win back what I lost, has gone a bit.

I am here because the thought does cross my mind every so often, but not as common as it used to be. Its all good. I think only recently I have been stressed about my cash situation, because I am on a low salary and cannot afford a flat in my area. A part of me is now wondering how much I could've had for a house deposit if I hadn't lost all that cash.

Another part ois telling me that the most likely situation for me to go back to the casino is due to having spare money and thinking I have a spare £500 or something to gamble. I think we all know where that leads. I also believe coming back after a long abstinance will make the rush really strong and hook me. I need to remember this.

I don't post often, but like to read the newcomers thread to keep me regular.

Good to be gf so far but one thing strikes about your post. You're in danger of getting distracted by the money and what it could buy. Money comes and money goes, happiness is about being happy with what you have. The issue isn't the money. It's the gambling, the addiction, the emotional illness. Long term recovery and the decent life that goes with it takes deeper digging to address the addiction, to make real lasting changes, via counselling and GA.

Wish you well.

CW

Thanks, definitely true. At the moment I have no social life, and I'm saving any penny I make.

That's harder to fix in my opinion

Had a bad day yesterday, woke up with this incredible urge to gamble, haven't really had that in months. I phoned all the casino's in my city, still self excluded, and removing them takes a few weeks at least. I managed to refrain from any gambling in the end, though the online option did tantalise me a little.

I am feeling better today, urges are gone now, I was caught out, maybe because of stress about my job and my future.

I am some 10+ months gamble free I believe, so doing very well. I believe my gambled fre anniversary will be 22nd Feb, so I m looking forward to that.

Thank you

It's been a long time. Lost my account login. Any way to get access to my old account when that email is now deleted?

I have some good news, been gamble free for probably well over a year. I don't remember when it started, but have never gone this long before.

It's been a while since thinking about gambling. I watched on videos of streamers losing online, not sure why

I hope I can keep it going. The main thing that stopped me was the online and physical casino ban. The second component was the counselling. After that, the benefit of time helps. A lot of my gambling was always about chasing my losses, and the longer you go the less you think about what you lost.

Anyway, I hope I can keep this continuing.