A journey of a thousand miles....

Hi Jim and welcome!

I am only on Day 6 but if I have learned nothing else in these early days....I know that I can't put too much pressure on myself, just concentrate on today....don't think about tomorrow or next week, next month....

All the best.

M x

Hi Jim

With advice from JamesP and Mo you can not go far wrong, they are very supportive and can help a lot. Well done for coming on here and setting a game plan. I wish you all the luck and determination you need to stop.

Amanda

Thanks M and Amanda for your support.

Knowing wonderful people like you have found themselves in a similar position and are on the road to recovery inspires a great deal of hope.

So perhaps I can share a little about how I think I ended up here.... My story takes us back to a local sports club in the early 1990's..... My schoolmates and I used to go there to play pool on the weekend.... They had a fruit machine installed in the bar which was 5p per go with a 75pound top prize.... Silly numbers now but the 75 seemed like a fortune to us.

Another boy and I became particularly fixated playing the machine and we often seemed to win a little bit... Many times after that we'd not bother to play pool at all and go straight on the machine.

After a while the other boy lost interest, probably realising that over a period of time he was out of pocket. I on the other hand could not shake my interest, which has followed me for 20 years and cost untold fortunes.

As I progressed through my teens my gambling increased dramatically. Even the friends I had who considered themselves to be prolific gamblers would keep their distance at times as I would always be willing to play longer and use more money than them.

As a young teen I had a mental map of where fruit machines were available in our local area. The swimming baths had one so I would sneak off there after school and play it. As I got a little older I would take the train to the seaside with only slot machines in mind.

I emptied all my savings that my parents and family had helped me build up. I remember going back and forth between an arcade and a building society one day. I wish I still had the savings book which had withdrawal after withdrawal listed one Saturday in the early nineties. It would be a sad but important artifact of my secret history. What I am sharing now has remained largely only in my own memory for all these years.

Around age 15 my chums and I chanced our arm getting served beer in the local pubs... Well we found a couple that were relaxed on the matter, and so began a new toxic combination for me. Drinking and gambling. The problem was, whilst my friends were playing pool and chatting up the girls, I was glued to the machine... This trend went on for years and destroyed my finances and ability to afford fun activities, despite having a part time shelf stacking job. In fact I was certainly spending more than my entire income on fruit machines and turned to my father for help and confessed all......

To be continued...

I am not sharing this story because I think I am God's gift to literature or because I believe it to be in any way remarkable when compared to the incredibly moving accounts of far better people than I in this very forum.

My motivation is to be completely honest about this disease for the first time in my life, and if you are kind enough to humour me I believe it will help me be a better person.

Night all and God bless.... Day 2 and hopeful.

So this is the small hours of day 4

Today will present many opportunities to gamble in physical casinos and more bookmakers than I could possibly hope to exclude from.

Today is a test. Any thoughts on strategies to avoid?

I carry passport pictures so I can exclude at any time

I have no one to hand my cash and cards to today...

God bless and good night all

J

J,

Your story will be so similar to many many people who use these pages, i have no doubts.

I like you became hooked on 2p fruit machines in the arcades as a kid when i went camping with my parents, this moved on to the £75 prize ones at my cricket club in my teens, the ones with the mystical 4 wheels, i once almost came close to getting that jackpot.

Fortunateley for me, and incredibly considering how much i used to place bets for, i thought fruit machines in pubs were too expensive so stopped playing them years before my proper gamblig started.

If you want my advice on resisting temptation, in the early days i would carry around an empty wallet, or one with the bare minimum cash i needed for the day. Dont give your mind the chance to make a decision, if you cannot physicaly pay for something, you cannot do it.

You have to believe in yourself but also you will need plenty of will power and drive to go out and self exclude at new places that could potentialy pose a problem.

The other thing is just avoid those areas, walk/drive a different route, keep on the other side of the road, whatever works for you.

I wish you luck

Thanks Leeds,

I'm about 40 minutes from the real challenge... I will.follow your kind advice so I can post a day 5 update tomorrow instead of being back to square one.

Its the weirdest sensation when your feet seem to take you somewhere without your mind fully engaging. This is what can happens to me. I become aware I'm gambling having not even properly decided to start. It just happens. I need to catch myself before its too late...

J

Day 5 and still going strong.

Yesterday was real though though.

I was armed with passport photos to self-exclude from all the gambling haunts on my travels.

The problem was I know if I entered a bookies or casino my feet would carry me to the machines before I could request the exclusion paperwork.

I just knew so I kept walking.

Its rough to realise you cannot control your actions properly. And much as I have had a good idea that I had gambling problem for the best part of 20 years, some aspects of it are only just becoming clear now.

The true powerlessness has been a creeping and very uncomfortable realisation.

So... I neither gambled or self-excluded which means my next trip will hold the same degree of risk and temptation.

I'm hoping I can be strong enough to walk in and self exclude next time, but I won't set foot in there unless I am certain of my resolve.

I'm not sure how one is supposed to feel on day 5... (and this is not my first day 5 by any means...) I feel a bit deflated and tired today... work is challenging and its a job where I need to be calm and decisive in my work, so I have to keep my emotions to myself.

Inside I am a bit all-over the place.

I am excluded form al the gambling establishments within reasonable distance from where I am now which is a God-send as I would not be certain of my resolve otherwise.

Thanks again for those who offered advice on yesterday, you guys helped me no end.

This forum is an inspiration. Thanks to all who post.

J

J, you got halfway there, and depending on your strength and deseire, you might not need to do anymore if you think the temptation once inside a bookies is too much.

In the early days of me stopping i still went into bookies on my lunch to watch racing, but i started getting itchy, far too close for my own good, so i have sacked that off and stay well well clear.

If you can keep yourself clear physically then you cant use the machines.

You did well and should be proud with your actions.

Congratulations on getting to day 5 .