A new start

Well Day 1 has arrived. It's going to be a good day. Get some sleep, wake up and start a new journey without gambling. I'm actually excited this time rather than hating myself. I'm pleased with myself that I have finally sorted my head out to draw a line under it. It's all in the past. The debt is there but id have probably wasted some cash on a different vice. It's just not going to be gambling now...

I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN

Good luck Change. As you know from writing on my diary I'm at the beginning as well. I honestly wish you all the best. Reading your previous diary I can sincerely relate to the 'emotional stress' we put ourslves through.

I see you're clearing your garage out. Think of that as a positive. I don't even have a garage! On a much smaller scale I'm going to keep myself busy by cleaning our - small - BBQ. My daughter asks why we haven't had one this year. I keep blaming the weather........when the truth is.............."Daddy spent the spare money gambling and due to the fact that I feel stupid/guilty for doing such a thing I'm not in the frame of mind to be in charge of a BBQ and try and entertain people"

That will change at the weekend as to keep my mind away from checking the football scores I plan to have a BBQ around 3pm so that I am pre-occupied.

Change - keep going. You/we will crack this. Any time you fancy a chat you know where I am.

All the best.

Day 1 and it does definitely seem different this time. I really don't want to think about gambling anymore. I just want to enjoy life like other people do so I'm here to stay for a very long time this time around.

Not again - thanks for your post. Good idea with the BBQ and hope the weather holds out this weekend. It's crazy how we make up excuses because we've been feeding our habit or because we've used up money at the bookies. Just this week my wife wanted to go out and sit in the sun at the pub but I wouldn't go and meet her as I wanted to watch the footy on the tv late on sat to see if my bet came in... so I made up an excuse that I'm too tired. It was a glorious sunny day and I wanted to sit inside panicking over a bet! I've never wanted to tidy up the spare room or the garage as my mind has been too busy raging with bets and scores. I'd keep putting it off saying "I'm not in the mood" or "not tonight as I'm feeling stressed". It was because I'd been gambling and I'm sick of making up those excuses and getting nothing done. Making no progress in my life. I wish you all the best in your journey and I'll be popping by frequently to make sure you're ok.

Our washing machine packed in this morning and I reacted fine to this. Just have to get a new one and add it to the card and pay it off when I can. No point keep trying to win everything and pay for nothing as it doesn't work like that. I've lost the desire to want to try and instead I'm happy to take it on the chin and stump up the cash.

Off to hospital now to see my son...

I can see me doing a fair bit of rambling in this diary so here goes...

Woke up a bit later today as knew the nurse was coming to our house around lunchtime. I walked the dog in the morning and it was nice to do that without interruption from checking scores and looking at bets.

My Uncle came round to help me fix the flush on the toilet. It wasn't flushing round the whole basin and my wife kept complaining. We managed to raise the mechanism with a few washers and that makes it flush better.

After nurse visit we stopped off on way to hospital to look at washing machines. I now know about load weights and rev speeds! I'll do some research tonight and read some customer reviews to decide on which one to get. Lot of people saying avoid Beko and saying Zanussi and Hoover are good?

You're working on improving things Change so it's all steps in the right direction. I had the app Flash Scores on my mobile, that was the equivalent of my sports live betting update bible. I deleted that today - I know it would be easy to add on etc - as even that is sponsored by b****5 and comes up with the odds for everything.

Oh dear, we've get a Beko. When you get clued up on what's what give us a nudge please!

Keep going

Haha I'm really not clued up on washing machines but if your Beko works fine then I might take a look at some of them as well.

Spent tonight sorting the spare room which was filled with loads of old bank statements is chucked on the desk as couldn't face seeing the numbers at the time. I had to rip each one up tonight and brought back some of the horrors when I saw some of the amounts coming out. Absolutely disgraceful behaviour. If my wife had looked at each one of them she would be disgusted at me. It got me depressed at the time but I snapped out of it and I never thought about chasing. Well at least I have now got rid of some demons and it's only going to be the August one I need to throw before the rest will be clean.

Had to cart a load of old junk I didn't want to throw out up into the loft. Realised the loft is also a tip and full of all types of stuff. Going to have to sort that out when I get other parts of the house tidy.

I went for a bike ride to get some milk just before it went dark and that would have typically been a prime betting excuse. Nice trip to the bookies disguised by a bike ride for some milk. Instead today I just headed straight to the shop and then straight back home.

Spent time later in the evening trying to do some more sorting in the garage but it's such a mess it's hard to get anything done. Fill up a couple of large bags with all types of rubbish but still much more to go.

Spent some chunks of the day thinking about whether I am really going to stop and I do think it is different this time and I have something really strong that keeps telling me to forget about betting. The first week or so tends to be easy and it's after that period once the dust has settled that things can get more tricky. I just sense that I don't find it enjoyable anymore and only bad things ultimately happen so what's the point anymore?

I think the 10-40 day period is really crucial for me. If I can get through that and then move on to 50-100 days I'll have achieved something that I don't want to mess up and move backwards. In the 10-40 day period I always think that a few wins can speed things up for me and get me to the point I want to be at much sooner than taking things a day at a time. I know now that thinking like that is complete and utter nonsense and is compounding a disaster with another disaster.

As always if anyone wants to chat, chip in with comments or start a dialogue then feel free. A bit of to and fro always seems to help make it feel like we're all working as a team.

Thanks for listening.

I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN.

Hi,

Thanks for popping by and posting on my diary.

You seem exceptionally determined to conquer this addiction. One day at a time and stay strong.

Best wishes

Really stressful day... not due to gambling but for other reasons. Absolutely no desire to gamble as have other priorities in my life.

Hi Change,

I hope it's nothing TOO serious. Well done on the not gambling today.

Speak soon.

Hi Not Again... thanks for posting. Just a stressful day at the hospital with lots of downs and difficult patches. I don't want to get too drawn into it as it's not related to gambling. Occasionally those stresses can impact on my decisions but that's more of an excuse than a reason I gambled. I won't be using them again.

I'm really done with gambling from here on in. It's not for me anymore. It's a total mugs game and I've been a mug for way too long. I have accepted that they have won and I have walked away from that battle of trying to get even with them and recoup my losses. It's a really tough thing to do but my brain is larger than my pride so it's over.

I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN.

Another quick thing I've noticed after only 2 days... I sleep now! I go to bed and don't worry about bets throughout the night. I don't think about what bets I need to place the next day. I just sleep and it's much better.

Another bad day but avoiding any urges.

I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN.

Very stressful day and no time to even consider having an urge.

I WILL NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN.

Hi Change,

Pleased to hear all is going well. Once again I understand about the sleeping part. I tried something on b*****r a couple of years back where I downloaded sets of stats after stats on Over and Under Goals in Football matches. That was another "this is going to make me a fortune" moment.

Some of the games were in South America and I kept telling myself "I'll just stay awake for 5 more minutes and see if they score" Sometimes still lying awake until the final whistle at 3am.

Not to mention the sleep I didn't get for feeling sorry for myself/feeling guilty over the amount of money I had lost earlier in the day.

Keep at it.

All the best.