I have decided to start a new diary as the old one I think has run its course and I feel It’s time to start again, a new chapter.
I will start off by putting some things here that will be reminders of why I’m quitting and hopefully things that I can come on here and read during an urge and let that urge drift away as I remind myself that it just aint worth it!
I plan to take a second out and read through this opening post whenever an urge does strike and hopefully the words I put down here will help to make me resist that temptation.
A few thoughts to stop me gambling........
Remember when your mum was in hospital and while you were waiting for visiting hours you were in the bookies, losing of course and had to stay just so you could try and get some of it back. Ok I remember you got there on time but where were the flowers, chocolates and gifts you planned to take with you? No time/No money.
On my way to a stag due I popped in the bookies for a little gamble, just to get some drinking money. Ended up being an hour late with several missed calls from my mates wondering where I was.
Missed out on so many nights out - lost too much gambling so couldn’t possible go out and spend more. Money for gambling anytime anywhere but never for anything fun or important.
Never take my wife out for the same reasons. Can bet a £100 with ease but can’t take the mrs out for a meal. I promised her the best life I could give her - that promise is not being for-filled.
Again on the same lines my brother has a new tv now planning for the new xbox. I have an old school big bulky tv and a nintendo wii. I will get my brothers old xbox as I can not afford the new one - I have spent 6 new xboxs in the bookies this year tho.
If I stop gambling now it will take a long time to get my debt sorted, at least 5 years perhaps if I’m honest even longer. But if I stop gambling I know it will come down and in time I can go on nights out, I can take my wife out. I have always in the past found money for a bet I’m sure I can find money for a meal out or 2 with the wife.
I also must remember I may not have any spare cash in the months to come even tho I’ve stopped gambling but things are moving forward as debts are being paid of monthly so things are heading in the right direction, so in time I will start seeing some light at the end of this long tunnel.
This after all is the only way, gambling my way out of trouble has only ever put me in so much more trouble in many different ways not just financially. I also know if I lose anymore it could be over for me, it could well mean losing my wife and therefore losing my whole life.
Start being gamble free from now and I give myself a chance. I can see how things are in 3 months, 6 months, a year. I know for one thing I'll feel so much better for it. I can give my mrs the holiday she wants and deserves next year and I can finally start to sort my life out and point it back in the right direction.
My married life hasn’t exactly been as planned but I know that I love my wife and she loves me and if I can stop gambling now I still have a fighting chance at making amends and changing our future, giving her the things she wants and needs and when the time comes for littlins then I’ll be there for them also and I’ll be able to provide the things that they want and need. I can start to keep the promises I have made!!
One last thing to remember I have done this before. I have been 6 months gamble free. I can do this, I have proven that, I just need to do it and keep doing it, one day at a time and see the difference.
Just have to add this as it is a great poem put on here by blondie and is very helpful and oh so true...
Why We gambled.
We gambled for happiness and became unhappy.
We gambled for Joy and became miserable.
We gambled for sociability and became argumentative.
We gambled for friendship and became enemies.
We gambled for strength and felt weak
We gambled for relaxation and became nervous.
We gambled for bravery and became afraid.
We gambled to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We gambled to forget and were forever haunted.
We gambled for freedom and became slaves.
We gambled to forget our problems and saw them multiply.
We gambled to cope with life and invited death.
I will have some goals and treats along the way but I need to just slow things down a little and not worry too much about where I stand in regards to debt, days gamble free etc. I need to just live without gambling messing with my life. I will continue the count tho, I have decided to start from day one tho as it kinda makes sense as this is a new diary and I’m comfortable doing that now, I feel a bit of an old hand with this gamcare lark lol. The treats I mention will be small things celebrating different milestones, big and small, a reminder that what I’m doing has its rewards. I think I have learnt a lot and hopefully I can really turn my life around I wasn’t really ready before - I hadn’t screwed my life up totally so I still felt gambling offered a way out but I now know the truth, learnt the hard way but maybe that’s the only way you can learn.
So today is day one, the journey continues......
Hi Dave
What a lovely read. You write beautifully and honestly. I can identify with so many of the feelings you express and also with your attitude to keeping focussed on changing.
Needless to say, I wish you well on this " new chapter" and look forward to following your progress.
Take care
Irene
x
Hiya Dave,
I enjoyed reading your first post to your new diary. I love that poem at the bottom and it just reminds me of GA how we are all living in this dream world and if we didn't have it then we would have nothing. But it helps to read what you have wrote. I think it is a good idea writing down the worse parts of the gambling days. Trust me I have a long list of things I have missed or the things I could have done instead of Gambling.
I don't want to live with regret and guilt for the rest of my life so I am trying to work on things that will better me my friends and do things to help others.
Also ye that is a brilliant idea with starting it on the 1st November. I will look out for it and you can definitely count me in for that, Also well done on the 6 months gamble free ye your right sometimes I do forget how tough this is trying to stop this addiction is the toughest thing in my life. I think the other part was admitting I had this addiction and coming clean telling someone. But I see the benefits of not gambling and imagine what would happen if I was still gambling I know it would have devestating results and that is one reason why I am not gambling.
Keep going mate and have a great weekend 🙂
Kind regards
Ricky
Hey Dave,
What a fantastic entry to your new diary:)
It is always good to start fresh, and wish you to keep this diary without any dark spots.
New tread - wonderful idea!!! You can put my name down already lol...very thoughtful of you to take it over Christmas period, and you are so right, it is tough time for people in January. So yes, very good thought.:)
I wish you all the best, and keep fighting the good fight!
We all have a choice and sure will make the right one just for today;)
Take care and have a lovely weekend
Sandra x
Morning all. Thank you for those lovely posts. Day 2 of the new diary and I have no plans to mess it up with any gambling. I have a lovely 12 hour shift today but a day off tomorrow and I look forward to chilling out and posting about the new challenge thread. See you tomorrow.
Day 3. Russell Howard stand up on the box, still in bed, now gonna start the new gambling thread, not a bet in sight. I love a sunday off.
Hey Dave,
Thank you for your kind post and of course for taking the challenge tread on:)
I see it's a lot of enthusiasm in it so far. Great! As you said, Christmas period can be very tricky one with battling the gambling demons, but i am sure we all will finish the tread successfully by the end of January 😉
I am very happy to have opportunity to walk beside you and keep moving forward to the better future:)
Thank you again
Best wishes in your continued recovery..Doing well!!
take care
Sandra x
Hi Dave,
Thanks for starting the challenge. You are a great help to me and thanks for sharing your story. I'll be with you on your journey. It's already been said but you wrote beautifully...it's a pleasure to read and I'm looking forward to reading you gambling free again come Xmas and January. I wish you the best of luck and positive thoughts on your journey.
Onward and upwards
Hanz
Hi Dave
Thanks for posting on my diary.Good to see you have started a new one yourself never give up giving up.Christmas is just around the corner m8.Now is a good time to be gamblefree.Stay strong all the best Jeff.
Day 6. Not been on my diary much the last couple of days been trying to catch up with my fellow challengers on the new challenge thread - what a response - well happy with that. Plus a bit of man flu means I can't be bothered to stare at a screen for to long. So just to say all is well and I look forward to starting the thread and to a gamble free Christmas.
Day 7. One week of the new diary already. Time does fly. Little better on the man flu front, had a good kip last night which seems to have helped. Now to posting on a few more diaries.
Morning Dave
Great opening post to ur new diary a great reminder of how gambling made u feel, thanks for doin the xmas thread that's goin to be a massive help to everyone, I know for me xmas is a real tough time so that extra focus will really help
For yourself though all this is doin wonders for ur recovery and that's what counts couldn't be happier for u
Castle2
Day 12. Not a lot of posting. Been ill and then area managers been about twice last week keeping me busy. Now I'm on holiday this week - get in! No gambling for me. Hate it. I'm spending quite a few quid this week - week off doing a few things plus mrs birthday, got a party and a meal out etc so that's great but hard at the same time. Im also going to London with my bro on Sunday said yes but shouldn't have really - cant afford it and that's so annoying. I'm gonna go but it just made me think of gambling but in a good way as in I hate that I gambled so crazily and i am now not living a full life. I will get there tho. One day at a time.
Dave, just to let you know reading your posts has been an inspiration, keep up the good work, what you have written has made lots of sense and i can see so many similarities.
Hey Dave,
Well done for keeping strong and on the right track. Use your holiday for yourself and ur loved ones. Very true, day at a time - day further to where you want to be.
Keep it up:-)
Sandra x
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