A New Start, Same Journey

Hi Dave,

I think i missed this last post!! d**n, how could i? Lol

Very true and honest post my friend. I am glad that pulling away is working for you, the best thing is you know where to find us anytime 🙂 anyway i'm sure you will keep checking in now and again, it is not easy to control this herd with ur tread for Xmas lol lol

The debt will clear, don't get too stressed over it. Every day we abstain, we clear those few pounds away. Patience and we will surely get there. Money is not everything on the other hand, you got ur loved ones, friends...ppl who cares...you can't buy this feeling for any money.

Be kind to yourself. Keep belief going and i know as well as you know - ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE 🙂

Keep the good fight going Dave

We can do it !!

Sandra x

Hi Dave

Thanks for all the threads this year they have helped me so much, have a great xmas and new year, thanks for all your support throughout the year

Castle2

Hey Dave,

Grwat guy on this site. Thank you once again for all the support and lovely treads you offered for people. It made my personal journey worthwhile and i will always be thankful 🙂

Have a very Merry Xmas Dave, you deserve all the best for yourself and your loved ones 🙂

Take care and thank you for everything once again

Sandra x

Merry Christmas gamcarers. Thanks for the lovely posts hanzolo, castle and Sandra. I love this site it's helped me through a really tough few years and gives me the strength to look at the tough years ahead but with a smile knowing I'm doing the right thing. I wish everyone here a merry Christmas some will know they've helped me others help me without even knowing it but I thank you all, have a great Christmas and make 2014 the best year ever!!!!!

Happy Xmas Dave and have a gamble free new year

Morning Dave

Just popped along to wish you a very Happy New Year and to thank you for hosting the recent "check-in" threads.

Take Care

Irene

x

Hi Dave,

Xmas gone..so i'm back to wish you happy New Year 🙂

I am sure you enjoying everything good in your life and spending your time amongst people you love. You deserve all the best 🙂

Thank you so much for the tread again, would like to hear from you aswell ..

Take care

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Dave,

Hope you are Ok and just wanted to pop by to say happy Christmas and wish you a peaceful New Year.

Our diaries including your old one are almost 2 years old! what a journey so far, day by day we can do this mate

take care

paulds

Hi Dave

Just wanted to wish you all the very best for the New Year ahead and thank you for setting up the challenge threads. They really do help.

Thanks again and take care and stay strong.

Feb.

Hey Dave,

Dropping by to say hi 🙂 and to thank you for ur lovely tread again.

Hopefully you kicked off 2014 with a new smile and determination and reaping the benefits of ur abstinence :-))

Take care and drop a line when you can 🙂

Sandra x

Hey Dave,

Thank you so much for giving a shout back and heart warming words :-))

You sound in a good place and I am very pleased to read...

Little update should follow up ;-))

Bumping u bk where you belong - page 1 ;-)))

S xx

Hello Diary - Been a while. Ive been neglecting my diary, neglecting my wife, myself, my work, everything. I have snapped myself back a little and have made some positive steps which i'll mention later but i need to get on here how i was feeling, i wish i had done this when i was down as it wouldve been more real but i need to get this down as a reminder of what ive been through on this journey. Its really been the last few months where ive just started caring less about things, debts are only getting worse yet i seem to be working harder than ever. My life is work go home sleep, work go home sleep. Barely see my wife, very, very rarely see friends and family. My own fault, we have no money becuase of my gambling (not all our debt is gambling related but the majority is) I felt like i didnt deserve anything so i've been using any spare money to pay off debt ive been doing that for the last 2 yeaars really, i think thats what has lead to my slips and certainly to my 2 major slips, i just couldnt handle all the stress and money worries and working so much and having nothing to show for it. This time tho i didnt slip back to gambling as i knew that was not the answer but i didnt get any help or try to look at what was going on and could i maybe help the situation. I just got depressed, i do use that term loosely as i havent been to the docs or anything - almost did but I have to be on my death bed before i go to the docs and i just didnt want to really go there and say oh im depressed give me some pills i wanted to try to sort myself out. (I will say i did make the decision to go to the docs and inquire about wether some sort of meds or treatment may help as i was very low but im feeling a bit more positive now so dont think i need to - think i was just really feeling sorry for myself a bit to much). I started to really hate my life and i will say this here as i havent said it to anyone else but i have realised that talking and sharing really does help (thats why im now feeling alot better i spoke to a friend of mine in depth about everything and that really helped) also before i say want im going to say im not saying this for attention and i would never actually do this and never have tried as i would hate to leave my wife and family in all this mess but i have thought about killing myself, infact ive thought about it everyday for quite a while now. As ive said I never would do it but just keept thinking how great would it be if i just cut my throat, no more stress, no more debt, no more worries, my head finally clear. Me and my wife rowed one morning before i went to work and when i got back i just told her i said im sorry but i just have to be honest at the minute im just miserable and i hate my life. I said i still love her and i know that im luckier than most with the life i do have and some of the things i have got but thats just how i feel. She didnt really know what to say to that but i'll just say we are ok now.

Thats really when i knew i needed to sort myself out, telling your wife you hate your life when she's done nothing wrong is bloody wrong. It made me think well do i want to be married anymore or do i want to just chuck everything away, my wife, where i live, just go and lose it all, probably end up in some bedsit alone somewhere and start gambling all over again. I didnt want that, i know i love my wife, i have a good family and good friends. I rent a nice house and have a job i like, I AM BLOODY LUCKY!! Ok i dont exactly feel very lucky right now but it could be a whole lot worse and my debts are sky high but they could be worse to and more importantly there is a way out. Ive not seen the light at the end of the tunnell for a while but i know it is there. If i stand up and face my problems and dont hide away i can make the right decisions, get a plan together and sort my life out, yes its a bit of a struggle of course it is and its only right that it is a struggle but the years go fast and i'll soon be before i know it in a cracking position. If i stay off gambling the debts will eventually disappear and then hello disposible income! lol. The chat i had with my friend really helped me see the dark path i was walking on and he helped me snap out of it, gave me some suggestions and the biggest one which i hope i can follow is keep a bit back for us - me and the mrs. Dont use all my moeny to pay off debt, if not i will be working for nothing again and it'll only lead to another gambling relapse and another low in my mental well being. So i wont keep back a lot but it would be so nice to take my wife for a meal or see a film now and again. I didnt really realise that it has probably been a couple of years since weve seen a film at the cinema and im not sure if ive took out my wife for a meal since weve been married other than special occassions, certainly not enough times anyway. So i will be trying to budget better now and i have to get a plan of attack in place, i have made a couple of moves already, moving some finances about and making payment plans. Which is why im starting to feel a bit more upbeat. Ive got some things off my chest and made some positive moves. The decisions ive made aswell will give me a clearer idea of when i can probably get the debt paid off. As im finally looking at things like an adult and facing my responsibillities. I just need to keep it that way. Ive said 2014 could be a big year for me and it could well be a great one.

I have a few goals for the new year, one is to be gamble free for the whole year, no more messing about with this, I've said it before sure but i can only try and each time i try a little harder and sooner or later i will get there, this could be the year, i certainly hope so and will be giving it my all. Ive already started but i need to sort my finances. I plan to have a real look into them and budget accordingly. I dont want to borrow any money this year my debts are going one way - down. I will set up standing orders, direct debits etc and will make sure i can survive with the plan i put into place. I have a night off tomrrow and my wifes at work so i hope to make use of the time and look at bank statements and really get into what comes in and what goes out. I think i need to use this diary more, im not saying im going to be back posting like i have done in the past, im still probably gonna take a step back but i will, for now try to make it on here daily. To help with that i shall do a daily count once more, during my successful periods of abstinence its almost always had a running count being kepted along the way, so why not go back to what works for me. When i said tho i need to use my diary its for posts like this. I may end up taking a step away as i have done of late not posting all that much which has sorta worked as im not gambling but havent exactly been enjoying that time but what i need to rememeber is that this diary is here for those times when i am down, when i am low to get some of the stuff out and dont end up bottle everything up, i dont like sharing with friends and certainly not with my wife or family as one its my fault and i want to sort it and two i dont want them to be worrying aswell. So if i get it out on here that will help, its helped in the past and i have to remeber what a great tool this is.

Now that my fingers are getting tired, i thank you gamcare for giving me this outlet, i wont forget that you are here next time things get rough. Thank you for listening.

So to finish (finally!) its the tenth today, will start the count from the first, new year, my first one gamble free!!! So Day 10. Lets get this show BACK on the road.

Hi Dave,

Big hug coming your way my dear fighter 🙂

I am pleased to see that you decide to use ur diary as a outlet, because we all know how bad is to bottle things inside...and how much better to let it all out!! It is ur diary and i am pleased you are using it to ur benefit.

You are right, recovery is slow process with not rosy path on a way...but you are doing it my friend - little by little stepping forward..

We can make this year ours...a bit more determination, positivity and belief...we will get there 🙂

Looking at ur finances while wife is at work...hmmm..maybe time to put that apron on and make smthing special for you two while you have a space in a kitchen? :-)))

Little surprise to show how much u appreciate her company and treasure life together...( ..just a suggestion from another female lol )

Doing well Dave, take it easy..recovery is bespoke and i am sure you will find the best way working for you!!

Day at a time

Sandra xx

Day 11. Just signed up to the year long thread. I hope I am ready for it - all I can do is try.

Thanks for the message Sandra. I do feel a lot better now I'm making some correct steps. Thank you aswell for the womanly advice and although I haven't done anything this evening to be honest I certainly agree with you I need to do something a little spontaneous and surprise her. I will sort something soon.

Day 12. Work on a Sunday should be made illegal!! Day off tomorrow can't wait!