a new way of thinking

Thanks E for posting on my diary and for sharing an honest account of urges. The fact you beat them gives me hope and encouragement. Stay strong.

Sharon

Thankyou I Need You and Ade.

Urges gone for now.

My mums certainly noticed i seem happy and although money is going to be an issue for a while im not constantly complaining about it or rather lack of it.Money has always been tight since i was little so im quite used to it.

At least now im not gambling im not pushing the finances to the point of how the hell am i going to get to work,or will i have enough petrol to get to the school and back.

The kids have always had enough food but there have been times ive gone without so they dont.

Not sure where all that came from but obviously needed to get it out.

Stay Strong

Ex

While i was having dinner i was thinking about my last post and had abit of a light bulb moment and realised it this time.

I come from a single parent home no big deal but we never had any money i grew up with no money i worked and fought for everything i have/had.Maybe i thought if i could get the "BIG WIN" i wouldnt have to fight and work myself to exhaustion anymore. Well obviously that didnt happen.So on i work to get the things i want/need/would like.

Stay Strong.

Exx

Hi Liz,

Not to squash your theory, maybe it's true for you, but I'm the opposite - two parents and, although they weren't rich, comfortable with no money worries. I had a reasonably well-paying job in my 20s and early 30s, and if i'd saved I'd have no need to want for anything. Yet I still pi55ed it against the wall.

I prefer to think that it affects anyone, regardless of circumstances, because it's an illness. Maybe a faulty gene?

Money isn't important.

Showing all your love to your family is.

Now that's priceless.

GT

Hi Elizabeth hope you are well

GT is right no matter how much money we have/havent got your family is all that matters.

Hi Elizabeth..for some reason I missed a post from you on my diary that I have only just got sent a few days ago...just to say hello and hoping you are well xx

As Ade says ..you have the power! the inner strength ..thank you for keeping me sane x

Just to add to the theory thread with you and Jim about money...maybe it comes down to feeling impoverished or deprived on the inside despite what we have on the outside.

I remember once reading a interview with the singer Cher would still collects money off vouchers on food items as despite all her money she still feels poor.

On the genetic level Jim..it could be physical or learned behaviour...interesting conversation tho ....xx

Thanks guys for the support.

Didnt post yesterday as was exhausted by the time i got home and did mum stuff.

Went to my first job yesterday friend of my mums her husband has dementia,I have been working there for two years now and have slowly watched him get worse and worse.She has been holding out on hospital care for sometime but it was quite obvious yesterday that this is now the only option.We had to get him up and dressed hes refusing to shower as he believes water will kill him so the smell is not pleasant. I had to stand and watch while a man i had known since i was little drugged up to the eyeballs be lead away by mental health nurses.i then had to find a way to comfort my friend as she watched the man she loves shuffled away from her.I put off my next job and spent the next couple of hrs crying with her,looking through photo albums listening too stories about him.

Why do i tell this sorry state of affairs because when i got home i was emotionally exhausted and this is the sort of thing that would send me scurrying to my computer debit card in hand.

Did i gamble?????

Did i f**k i ignored all urges and all triggers.

I gave my kids a big hug had a long chat with my mum and went to bed very early.

When things like this happen it reminds me that i have all i need under one roof.I think ive got problems nothing compared to what that poor lady is going through.

Stay Strong.

Ah Elizabeth. Such a sad story. I used to do care work and it is so hard on the families. But wow, good for you.... being so strong and recognising how wonderful it is what you have.

I haven't caught up with your diary but wanted to wish you a happy new year and I really hope you had a great Christmas.

xxx

Wow Elizabeth! Posts like your last really puts thing into perspective hai!

.1st hand experience in seeing a close relative slide into dementia and for me shows both sides of the coin to life! A. how cruel this life/world can be, especially in cases like this for there nearest and dearest and B. How wonderful this life/world is with strong willed people like yourself in being there in someones true time of need.

Full credit to yourself in the strength of character shown by neither delving back into the gambling b/s and the appreciation into what you have!

Haven't read your diary but followed some of your support to fellow c/g's. Good on you, take care .

Hi Elizabeth...you sound like a compassionate lady..Dementia is a shocking illness and those caring can give dignity to people in a very healing way..you also gave your time too which is so precious. ..make sure you look after yourself Elizabeth and rest up..keep strong your doing fab xx

Hiya Elizabeth,

Just read your last post, it really does get things into perspective and you are so right when you say all you have is under your roof. I don't know if I would be like this if it weren't for my gambling, but I have a deeper appreication of everything now.

Your doing brilliant Elizabeth, your a lovely woman and as Dotty says make sure your looking after yourself too.

Love Del xo

PAGE 2 o*g!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:0)

Any hoo i finally get to sit down for 5 mins today.

Had a big row with my boss today as we got paid by chq instead of the normal bacs .Alright for her shes loaded but theres nothing i can do so trying not to dwell on it.

Reading alot of posts about looking after yourself

well i could certainly do with more sleep i love sleep.my main health issue is i dont eat enough.

Rush out the house at 7.45 no breakfast very rarely eat lunch and then wonder why im in a bad mood when i get home.Just had dinner feeling alot better now.Must try and remember to make some lunch.

No gambling thoughts.

Stay Strong.x

Hi elizabeth40.

Just popping on here quickly to say thank you so much for your post.I am feeling lot better now.

Glad to see your going strong.I know how it is to stress out in the morning and not eat.I usually try to take some fruit with me and eat in the car on the way to work,so i can at least get something into me.

Important that we do take caare of us!

Have a great weekend.

Viggo.