A real aim

Still going strong with no gambling done. What does amaze me was had day off work on Thursday and literally when watching tv the Gambling companies are everywhere. If its not programmes sponsored by online Bingo, its every second advert before and during the footie then once thats over its online Casinos. Rather than make me want to gamble it made me realise just how much the bookies are on top and reaffirm they wont be getting any more from me.

Such a mugs game!

Well done for staying off it mate

You're right to view the ads in the way you do as well. We all know how they buy so much media space....it's with our money !!

Not anymore, lets drain them like they drained us...

Disaster, after a real bad week I bet and lost. This has set me back no end after thinking I was back in the zone. I hate myself at the moment. The only positive I can muster is it was a solitary bad day and by coming straight onto here I am already doing something positive and start again on the long, lonely road. Day 1 (once again) starts now. Sorry everyone, its no positive story tonight.

Pull yourself together and start again.

Past 2days have been hard, all I can do is think of the waste and stupidity of doing something I vowed never to do again. Why does our minds trick us into thinking it'll be different from the last time? I have sat down and looked back and realised it is nearly5 years I have been excessively gambling on and off. So this is it, 5 wasted years when I shouldve been doing so much more with my life. It is a symbolic figure as I cannot allow it to be 10, 20, 40+ years where I would then realise I have squandered the most valuable thing of all - my own life. As far as we know its the only one we get. I have to do it this time.

5 years isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. I'd been gambling in this persistent, medium level, zombie like fashion for over 15 years - not losing 1000's in a shot like some but being highly consistent in losing about £500 a month!

I know my losses aren't going to console you other than to maybe show that it really could be worse.

I've read your whole diary and the emotions and the psychology you describe rings so true. Sounds like you might need to consider the friendships if they're leading you astray? Maybe tell them you've got an issue at least, so they're not in your face with it?

Good luck

Thanks Cardhue, yes 5 in scheme of things isn't bad but I'm also aware how its slipped from a one off, to a year to a few years. The facts are there, before gambling I had more money and was much happier so there is absolutely no reason to slip back to bad ways.

Its funny, I do feel better when I read of people who have lost similar amounts and more to me, which is so wrong. I wouldnt wish what Ive gone through on anyone and even if I hadn't lost 000's over the years any loss is a waste. Also the amount of money all depends on how it affects your current lifestyle, I'm sure if someone had for example 50k savings losing 3 or 4 wouldn't greatly matter but if only had 5 it would.

Also made a few changes in my life - friendhips/work etc as was drifting nowhere. Time to look out for myself a bit I think and see how it goes.

Cheers

After a hard week at work can say since Monday when I had hit rock bottom I am feeling a bit brighter. The irony of working so hard purely to get money that instantly goes to chip away at what I have wasted is not lost on me but what really hit home was that I've spent the last hour reading back my own diary. I am so sorry to all the good people who gave me encouragement in the past and to all of you I owe you. At least can say, no gambling today, day 4.

14 days - 2 weeks. Seems ages since I did last bet but in reality 2 weeks is nothing. More importantly not desire to bet or even think of it which is good.

Still no thoughts to gamble. I'm determined to beat this. Day 19

Not updated for a while, mainly because I moved house and chose not to get internet. It takes away any temptation for me to gamble however nowdays I don't think no internet is realistic. Have got so used to doing all bill paying etc it was too much hassle so am back. Glad to say still not had a single bet since last on and now time has built up I can say to anyone else reading this the normality has returned I so wanted in the early days after losing the plot. Hang in there, things do settle after the initial horrible few weeks. However am very aware I could relapse anyday, especially as still dealing with the financial consequences of previous losses. Luckily (if can call it lucky), things are too tight money wise to risk any amounts - I've too much to lose. My problem is when I actually save up some money and I become complacent and greedy. Also the change of house and job has been a bit of a new start, a good break away from old temptations. Reading recent diaries from others show so many similar stories on here of 'normal' people with 'normal' jobs who get consumed by the 'safety' of online casinos in their own homes and cause untold destruction to them and their families, I know we all are responsible for our own actions, yet I have never heard of anyone winning 'big' from doing the same. Yes at times they can get well up but these are the people like ourselves who spiral out of control and lose it all and more. I can't believe more isn't done to if not ban such sites but to research into betting patterns and analyse who really wins and loses. I think the problem is we all try to cover it up and lead normal lives while battling the financial consequences. Anyway, I still wish I could turn back the clock and not log on that first time those years ago, that'll never go but am using the shame to keep focused. 16 days to go to one of my milestones I hoped for when at my lowest.

Day 84, gamble free

Day 84

Unfortunately its not good. Hadn't been near a bet since back in the summer then past week have slipped back into online gambling. Thought I had set enough blocks but didnt seem to be against all new sites. Before I knew it was back on the go and a few hundred up, needless to say it didn't last and have cleared myself out. Am so annoyed as it has taken months to get myself just treading water financially and am now starting back again. So here I am, reset all the online blocks so hopefullly any reaction to temptation has been removed. Have no idea why I did it, complacency I guess. Not sure whats worse, the loss of money or the feeling of inadequacy that I've been back doing this even though I know where it'll end up and that I hate feeling so low.:-(

Hi, sorry to hear about the slip. However, you have gone for months without which is excellent so dont be hard on yourself and just ensure this is a one off. Try to convince yourself that however much you think you want to gamble in the future that you will not do it, also try to find a positive and enjoyable substitute. For me the bad feeling after my hundred and something odd slips outweighed the short lived artificial good feeling when gambling. Thats why however much i think of gambling now simply doesnt matter - this is because its not going to happen. All the best lc.