A real aim

Day 63. Got to keep my guard up. Have got to this stage many times before only to throw it all away. I want to have a life without gambling or debts or that awful feeling gambling leaves you in when you've been wrapped up in it for days.

Hi Mile,

63 days is fantastic going, keep doing what you are doing, with your guard up and stay strong and positive.

Best wishes,

Suzanne xx

63 days fantastic achieved mate don't blow all your good work now. Things will get better the further gamble free days you get and it is something to be proud of

Had a s**t week and just tried updating with a post and internet failed on me! at least I've got the mini milestone of 75 days done.

Hi mile,

WOW well done on 75 days, and after a S***e week,

Keep going and be proud.

Suzanne xx

Day 101. I suppose it is significant but yesterday (day100) got dumped from gf which has put me on a real downer (not related to gambling or being day 100 as she never knew). I guess the positive is if I had been gambling still and losing I hate to think of the potential state I might be in. At least gamble free I'm managing to hang in there - just! Also it strikes how a week or 2 heavy gambling doesn't just mess you up short term. It may be 100 days of no gambling but unfortunately it's also been 100 days of scraping for cash while so very slowly the debts get paid back. If anyone is swaying and thinks they can be smart and outfox the bookie for a few quid - don't. It never works. I"d say it was words of wisdom for the occasion but unfortunately those that read these pages are just like myself and all fighting the battle after being taken to the brink.

It is with great shame I am back posting in my diary. I thought I had really turned the corner, not only had I not gambled for over a year, maybe even two but I had paid back a large proportion of my debts and things were looking up. I'd had a costly week back in the autumn and when waiting in town I thought a quick gamble would give me my weekend spending money. As usual I walked out with an empty wallet and although relatively small it ate away at me and within a few days I'd uninstalled my anti gambling software and was back in the online casinos. I lost more - no surprise there and shook some common sense into me to walk away. Only I didn't, not fully. So when I got all the Christmas bills in the credit card statements mid Jan I caved in and thought I'd pay them all off by being smart and gambling. For the past 6 weeks I was riding a wave and not only had I enough to pay the bills but also had covered my previous Christmas losses. I was trapped again and rather than get out when the going was good and breathe a sigh of relief I've had 3 days of madness where I lost it all and slid into debt by just as much in literally a couple of hours. So this is me, rather than embracing a normal life again with money I've hard earned, used as it should, it's back to juggling bills and using credit where/if available - all the time more and more ashamed when friends or family talk about things like what they would like to buy but too 'expensive' yet I'm standing there a fraud who rather than be able to contribute has wasted massive amounts and more yet got nothing good in return. I can do nothing positive yet post back in here and set my own personal goals of resuming checking myself in to avoid any further temptation to risk it all.

Hi, sorry you are back, but good on you for having the strength to be here. Don't beat yourself up with shame, it's not productive. You obviously know what you need to do to get back on track, so do it :-). Wishing you all the best.

I just realised I wrote my 1st diary post back in 2011, 5 and a half years on and I'm still in debt and still making the same mistakes. My only hope is this time it's not as drastic a situation as I have been in so I can get my finances sorted out over the next few months and use this wake up call to keep my focus.

Hi Mile End.

I too have relapsed after over two and a half years of being gamble free. Done what you have done and returned here before it got totally out of control again and reached rock bottom. Like you also, I have set myself monthly mini goals - these really helped me last time, to focus my money on something else instead of stupidly and erratically throwing it all away in the blink of an eye, to gambling! They also made me feel really good about ticking them off once achieved and gave me the true value again, of my hard earned salary.

Take care. You can most definitely do this again. Get them goals posted on your diary for starters.

Our Lady.

Thought I was due an update. I'm not sure why today but am aware I read this forum alot when times were bad and I couldn't escape the grip of gambling so now that I am in a better place hopefully this can help others. I've only gambled once this year and that for a few hours slipped me back into the darkness I had battled so many times before. Other than that it's many, many weeks/months free over 2 years plus. I feel much better, my mind is mine again and my debts are reducing. I'm in no way cured or free of lapsing but I am no longer controlled by an urge to gamble. What did I do this time that was different to all my previous failed attempts to stop? I've no idea. What I do know is I don't think of gambling as a source of money anymore or a way to pay for things. It only brought me misery. I also barred myself from every online casino I had access to which undoubtedly worked during those 1st few weeks and months. I'm learning to manage money again, to buy things for me and not feel guilty. For all those in the initial days since realising it needs to stop, dig deep - those days are the toughest.