A warning to all of you - My Story & Diary

Hi Scott

The money is gone, it is not coming back, ditto.

Tough words but unfortunately true, focus and the anguish will get easier, I promise.

Shaun

Thank you for posting on my diary Scott. I appreciate your support.

Accepting the losses are gone forever is a bitter pill to swallow. It has to be done though, and maybe somewhere down the line we will learn to live with our past mistakes....stephen

Thanks Sha999, abstainer, frozen. Without any meanness intended in response at all, you just have to accept the losses and move on is just like saying, you just need to stop gambling. It’s true, I do. If only it were that simple though. If I could tell my mind to stop thinking about it move and give me peace and it did, oh boy that would be incredible. I’m not trying to sound harsh saying that, it’s just I’m speaking my mind and want to be as open as possible on here. I so so appreciate everyone’s comments and they are all well meaning in terms of you just need to move on. I’m just being honest in that I can’t switch off currently the feelings of loss and it’s doing my head in...

LML - Thanks for your post. It means a lot. My partner has been very supporting and I try to always put on a brave face in front of her and hide my anguish, of course she sees right through it a lot of the time hehe. My partner didn’t say it was only money in the bank, that was Richards partner however, she has took a similar view in some ways. It bothers her more how it’s affecting me which tells it all. The new chapter sentiment is something I am trying my upmost to think along those lines yes. Things will improve but right now it’s just a difficult time. Here’s to all of us remaining gambling free. Scott

Thanks so much all again for support and comments, it means so much to me.

I have had a good day today, went out with my dad and family and had a lovely meal. The thoughts of losses was mostly absent from my mind and as no one other than partner knows I had money and hence lost money, no one else reminds me of it in anyway. I am finding caring about others and focusing on helping them is currently a wonderful distraction from the relentless negative thoughts that spawn in my mind. I will say it’s been a good day. 38 Days GF

Scotto85g wrote:

Thanks Sha999, abstainer, frozen. Without any meanness intended in response at all, you just have to accept the losses and move on is just like saying, you just need to stop gambling. It’s true, I do. If only it were that simple though. If I could tell my mind to stop thinking about it move and give me peace and it did, oh boy that would be incredible. I’m not trying to sound harsh saying that, it’s just I’m speaking my mind and want to be as open as possible on here. I so so appreciate everyone’s comments and they are all well meaning in terms of you just need to move on. I’m just being honest in that I can’t switch off currently the feelings of loss and it’s doing my head in...

LML - Thanks for your post. It means a lot. My partner has been very supporting and I try to always put on a brave face in front of her and hide my anguish, of course she sees right through it a lot of the time hehe. My partner didn’t say it was only money in the bank, that was Richards partner however, she has took a similar view in some ways. It bothers her more how it’s affecting me which tells it all. The new chapter sentiment is something I am trying my upmost to think along those lines yes. Things will improve but right now it’s just a difficult time. Here’s to all of us remaining gambling free. Scott

Thanks so much all again for support and comments, it means so much to me.

It's not easy Scotty, time will help but this addiction is cruel alot of us see gambling as the solution to getting our money back, further increasing our losses.

l

Hi Scott,

Read your last couple of posts, and I think we’re still on the same page ... i’d love to forget about the losses but can’t. Having said that, when I look at my diary from two weeks ago, i’m in a much better place. I actually found yesterday very hard ... stupid but I lost all the money between 8pm and 9pm on a Saturday, so I sat there yesterday thinking through exactly what happened ... getting back to within £45 and playing a £50 hand so I could win!! Etc etc ...I think about it all a lot still, but not every minute like I was doing a week ago .. sounds like you managed to forget about it for a bit today, so hopefully it will get gradually easier. I’m also starting to sleep a little better. All we can really do is take it a day at a time, don’t bet again, and hope the regret fades. Probably good that we will always carry a bit of the pain ... surely that will help us not to do it again? Anyway, stay strong and another week gamble free for us both. Cheers. Rich

Hi Scott85g

Like so many of us, I've been following your thread with a keen eye and I sense it's because, even after a year of showing tremendous fortitude without gambling, you are still looking for some kind of closure, some way of moving on. You're trying hard to, but feel you still need that extra 'push'.

It's worth referring to the well-known 'five stages of grief' here. They are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Although most commonly used for how we deal with death, it has resonance and relevance to dealing with coming off an addiction such as gambling.

I feel, Scott, you're not at 'acceptance' in dealing with your losses yet. So, where are you on the scale?

• Denial - You know what's happened; there's no denial
• Anger- I sense there's still residual anger here, although heavily subsided after one year.
• Bargaining - A complex part of the process, this, but in gambling terms could perhaps be construed where people suffering losses wonder if they can win it back, or somehow recoup the losses in other ways. I would say that you're still young, Scott, have skills and a good future with prospects; this is what you've told us and this is very important and valuable.
• Depression - I sense you might be depressed about how you see your situation, and this lingering 'gloom' is preventing you from reaching ...
• Acceptance. Where, at least, you can move on and reignite your life with a great future ahead. What was, was. What will be, will be! But, under a cloud, you and loved ones mught struggle to move on in a way that's best.

What I think is of great help to you is your diary here, and the more you post, the more feedback you are getting. The advice you are receiving is very sound and very consistent, from, as you know, those who have 'been there, done that' and are, or at least trying to, 'come out the other side' and live a better, happier, gambling-free life.

I would say to you: keep posting, keep reading, keep on the good path but seriously consider counselling from Gamcare. It's free, and the counsellors are specially trained to deal with compulsive gamblers like us. You won't get much 'there, there...' but you WILL get empathy and a genuine desire to help you help yourself, with their guidance, to rationalise the situation, clear those dark clouds, and move on.

Just a thought Scott. Wishing you well as always,

Mixer

Hi Scott, sorry I got a little mixed up with Richards partner but I'm pleased to hear your partner took a similar view.
Lovely to read you've had a good day.
Caring about and focusing on others sounds a fab way to occupy your mind. I hope your positivity grows with each passing day.
All good wishes x

Hi Scott, yes doing fine, hope all is well.

I am going to start a new thread, it will make us all think twice before gambling again, I promise!

Shaun

RSmith39

Yeh very similar situation to yourself Richard. It was nice to completely not have those thoughts for a while.

Mixer

Hi Mixer, thanks for your long post. I really appreciated reading that. I think the important thing with those stages of grief is that sometimes you go between them in different orders and backward within the same hour or day and that it’s not linear like some seem to incorrectly assume. Thanks so much for your kind words, posting here has indeed helped greatly and having people follow my story like you has helped even more.

LML

No problem at all, easily done. Yes being there for others on their journey is certainly helping me.

Scott, thank you for sharing your story, I can relate.

I am 32, live at home, in debt -4.6k, payday loans, credit cards and overdraft with no savings from chasing my losses gambling. I recently got a high paid role, and thought to myself that I could gamble in a controlled way, all that ended up happening was that my stakes went higher.

Gambling is destructive and evil, it will fleece you off your wealth and livelihood without realising it. Quitting is the only way forward. Don't look back.

Just an update on my week so far. I have been suffering from a really bad cold or mild flu which has meant I couldn’t go into work today as my eyes are constantly streaming which makes it impossible to use a computer, I can’t even use my phone or tablet without my eyes watering, it’s difficult typing this even..man flu if there ever was such a thing hehe. I will see how I am tomorrow before I think about going back in. It’s interesting as since moving Job last year, I didn’t want the time off, I really wanted to go in but literally couldn’t so that’s something to hugely appreciate having a job you enjoy going to. I had such an awful job previously that I really appreciate all the good in this one, earnt it after 6 years of the last place though...the grass CAN be greener :).

As for gambling, no thoughts of winning back losses and amazingly whilst I’ve been ill with this, not too many negative thoughts about losses either, it’s distracting me that’s for sure. I have instead been listening to some audio books and over eating...

Hope everyone’s doing ok, 41 Days GF

Hi Scott,

Sorry to hear you have been under the weather but that will hopefully soon pass. Much more importantly, glad that you're enjoying the job, not having gambling urges, and best of all not beating yourself up too much about the losses. As time passes, I'm cutting myself some slack too ... whilst not wanting to make an excuse, clearly I wasn't mentally in a good place and it's almost like I was a different person .. as long as I put blocks in place now I'm reasonably sane in case I get into that mental state again, I think I can learn to forgive myself ... you should definitely do the same. Rich

Hi Scott. I posted a message to you on Richard's diary by mistake...stephen

Thanks rich, i know you are right Yes. Thanks also Stephen for your post.

I feel much better now in terms of my man flu, it has mostly gone now. Work was ok Friday, had a good day really it felt good to be back. I am having a bit of a reflective night tonight, I am sat here thinking about what went wrong, how the now come to be, mistakes I made etc. Not necessarily in anger but just in review. I am starting to get that surreal feeling again. What hurts me the most I think is that I imagined doing precisely this and posting here before I had any real losses. I imagined the feelings I now have about the losses and I still couldn’t stop it from happening. It makes me feel even more stupid, more silly... oh well. It upsets me but it is what it is.