A warning to all of you - My Story & Diary

Thanks for your post Richard, means a lot. I haven’t even considered gambling for a split second so I think there is no danger in that happening at this stage. It’s been a very reflective weekend that’s for sure. Scott

Hi Scott, so sorry to hear about your Aunty & condolences for the heartbreaking loss of your Mum. I can’t imagine how painful this is for you & just wanted you to know that I’m wishing you all strength - ODAAT

Hi Scott,

Hope things are as good as they can be with your auntie, and that you are OK.

Just popping bye to say hello, and thinking of you and your family.

Cheers

Rich

Thank you very much richard for your post. Early days with my auntie but it hasnt been easy. Gambling has taken a back seat 100%, havent even thought about it hence my lack of posts recently. I am ok thanks. One day at a time bud. Scott

Hope your ok Scott. It is a very traumatic time for you and your family. A time to rally round and support your auntie with love and affection.

The events may have taken your mind off gambling but your recovery is still of vital importance. You have progressed really well and are 11 weeks gamble free. Congratulations on that and thankyou for the support you have given me on my journey.

Hi Scott. Just saying hello, and hope you're OK. Know you and the family are having a tough time at moment, so wanted to say haven't forgotten you, hang in there and hope you're still gamble free (just think how much more supportive you are being without the gamble bug in the back of your head, and give yourself a pat on the back). Cheers. Rich

Belated thanks Richard and Stephen for your posts. I haven’t been on here at all since I wrote my last entry. Your thoughts mean a lot.

So, whilst I have been away I hit the 100 Days GF without even realising. I really haven’t thought much about gambling lately but I am always on guard from thinking I am done with gambling and that I have defeated it 100%. I might be winning at the moment but I will not become complacent that’s for sure, I still manage my finances again and that hasn’t been a problem as of late. I am starting to feel in control again and I am managing the households finances in general. I will revert back to letting her do the driving if I detect any signs of going back to my old ways. All good for now...my Aunty is not too good. She has found it very hard to accept what is happening, she feels like she isn’t being punished which really upsets me. I have tried my utmost to try to convince her otherwise. She is unfortunately starting to get symptoms now and we are trying to sort out pain management and just be there for her as best we can. Every time I go to see her now, there is likely to be deteriation which is just plain awful to see. The doctors have decided she is too unwell for palliative chemo. One day at a time is all we can do.

Wishing everyone on here well, let’s all rack up those GF days together...

Thank you for posting on my diary Scott.

It is traumatic to be with a loved one who appears to be in pain and discomfort as their life draws to an end. A terrible feeling of helplessness at not being able to alleviate their suffering. However, just being with someone can bring them a little comfort and reassurance.

Pleased to read you are still gamble free and committed to staying that way. Take care...stephen

Hey everyone. I just wanted to check in and see how everyone was doing. Since I last logged in, I haven’t done any more gambling which is the main thing, huge positive. I’ve had repeated urges to try and win back my lost fortune however and still feel immense guilt and anger at losing such an opportunity I had but... I’m still smiling and it’s getting less and less.

I keep plodding on 🙂

Scott

Hey man.

Has been said many times here but once again, thanks for sharing your story. You would have touched a lot of people and also safeguarded a lot more from the potential of relapsing or giving into temptation.

Winning your fortune back... Mind trickery is an amazing thing isn't it. When you had all this money (or amazing opportunity as you put it) may I ask what you were intending on doing with the amassed amount? More curiosity than anything mate - that's why I ask.

What have you learnt about yourself over the last 10 months? Again curiosity fuelling the question (lucky I'm not a cat eh)

It would make me happy to one day hear you've exorcised that guilt and anger one way or another...

Do you think you'll ever forgive yourself for what happened? I hope you do. I hope you find peace, tranquility and 'amazing opportunity' in your life again - and by the latter I'm not referring to money ;o)

Look after yourself mate.

Thanks for your reply signalman.

Financial Independence was the goal. The amount using the 4% withdrawal rule would be used to mean I never HAD to work again to earn an income. Essentially, I would be able to live a normal life like I currently do but without he need to work. I was never about having money for money’s sake itself or status or being materialistic. It was all about more freedom, more ability to say no, more chance to be a stay at home Dad, look for new work if it got bad without any financial worries etc. But.... I am still working towards that but it’s a long way off like it is for most, so no self pity as it were just anger I guess, at throwing away such a chance.

No I don’t think I will forgive myself for it, but I have moved on from it. I just get the occasional regret but it does go and it mostly isn’t there anymore. Time certainly does heal.

Scotto85g wrote:

It was all about more freedom, more ability to say no, more chance to be a stay at home Dad, look for new work if it got bad without any financial worries etc.

Like you said you can still achieve all these things friend. You did it once - you can do it again. Maybe your definition of the above will change and you could achieve even without having to amass fortunes like before. Life is rich in so many forms right?

You have survived your ordeal. You are stronger than the old you. You are wiser. You are more determined. You can create a fantastic life for yourself whatever that may be.

I know this sounds mad but even now do you still get the occasional urge? I'm just curious as I'm trying to paint a picture in my own head of actually how deadly, dangerous and overpowering gambling addiction can be over clear and rational thinking.

Really appreciate your honesty and perspective. Thank you. You're a pretty amazing guy to come through this and have the courage to post up a diary and move on with your life. Amazing person really.

Thanks for your kind words. I am not so sure I agree with how you describe me though, I sway from feeling like I threw away so much and it need not have been that way, I had not chased before but.. I also feel proud of not gambling since. I know that’s a good achievement. When it comes to temptations, I go weeks and weeks without thinking about it at all but then something reminds me of it, of the life I threw Away. It’s like grief when you think about it. I have thought about winning it back, I have had moments where I briefly day dream a plan up but it never gets past that. That doesn’t happen much at all now but it did in the first few weeks and months for sure. I have accepted my loss and that I can’t get it back, but haven’t forgiven myself in summary.

Why are many of the richest people in the world depressed because money simply doesn't bring happiness. Enjoy your life scottotheres much more to life than more. And I'm sure u have much more to offer society, work hard play hard that's a good motto.adam

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Meant to Sa offer society than if u didn't have to work past 35, work hard and enjoy yourself

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