A year wasted.

So today after being assaulted..long story I failed and spent 40 pounds...not a huge amount more annoyed that I used the slots as a crutch

Hello Katiecoo. Sorry you have been having such a difficult time. Sometimes when life looks bleak we turn to gambling for comfort but we know it just makes things worse. Your having to cope with anxiety, stress and other issues so you really don't need gambling to add to your difficulties.

It is good you have posted on your diary. We are your friends who can empathise with your compulsion to gamble. Together we are all trying to improve our lives. If we fall we get back up, and try to come back stronger. This is our sanctuary where we can evaluate our lives, make choices and hopefully see things with more clarity.

Take care. Wishing you well...stephen x

Dear dear me... after not smoking for 8 years the urge was sooo bad, my anxiety so high. I neither smoked or gambled...I ate !!!.. Thank goodness I didn't lapse to another addition

Hi Katiecoo

I'm really sorry to hear you've been assaulted. That sounds very worrying. Have you been checked out for injury? Received any emotional support afterwards? Are you safe? Let us know.

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Thanks Deirdre . I am safe, currently off work. I work in mental health so physically slightly battered, ironic really because my own mental health feels far from OK which is worrying me more than any injuries I sustained. I stopped at the garage today to buy cigarettes to smoke, I still didn't get around to it... out of habit I guess. I filled up petrol drove off and thought, d**n I wanted smokes. Tomorrow is another day.

Very strange ... gambling thoughts come and go in my head, but that's about it..no urges at all just passing thoughts.

Hi Katie great to let those thoughts go isn't it? Take care of yourself S:)

I wonder if these thoughts would have turned to more if I had access to credit? It hasn't been easy removing all access to my credit especially just after Xmas, but I knew I couldn't be trusted with it. It has left me feeling very vulnerable. If I don't have the money I now can't have it, Hut neither will I have debt. I am now trying to concentrate on building up a savings emergency pot. Not easy though is it. I always had spare to gamble but have every little to save? No choice now,I'm down a path which is a completely new way of life.

I would try really hard to not think 'what if' removing access to crefit/funds is good damage control and works! After I've paid bills etc I live on a cash budget each week and try to keep my account low. But I also have blocks in place as am d'etat stay GF but do have weak moments.You really are smashing it, here's yo stay GF, take care Sx

Starting to learn the value of money and regain control.

Hi, when I look back and see what a loose cannon I was ref money it makes me sad but it almost feels like it wasn't me...This sounds ridiculous but gambling does turn you into a different person, So glad you feel back in control, take care S 🙂

Katie, please don’t destroy your diaries...That fixes nothing. If you want to consign them to cyber space then speak to forum admin. What you are doing makes meaningless posts of everyone who has supported you on your journey & regardless of whether they post anymore will be willing you forwards on a safer path!

Hi Katie, how are things with you? Sorry to read about the few weeks in your life. How are you getting on? We were both doing so great at the end of last year. Are you ready to build up some more vital gamble free days?

Yes Dan thanks for asking. I'm OK. Kinda still trying to build a relationship with money. After so many years of gambling it will take a while for my head to value it and not fear it. I will try to focus on living my life and stop checking my account at least 10 times a day?. Madness !

I know the feeling all too well, Katie.

Keep grinding away at it and a better life is just around the corner.

Don’t stop believing in those dreams. They can be a reality. It’s all in our hands.

Take care x