Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning diary.

thanks shiny,joan. Together we do stand.

The thing I do take from this forum recovery in general is growing acceptence that I cannot always be right, I used to be the "it's my way or the highway" fella both at home and in work, today I in both take other folks point of view in to account and try to go with the best way, every problem has a solution it's surely about finding the best one.

Life does'nt revolve around me, I see myself as part of my own "solar system" I have planets close by, a Sun I rely upon for warmth and energy and other planets around me whom likewise excist in the same vain, chopping down all the trees for firewood would starve my planet of oxygen, so for every tree I harvest I have to plant more,I prepare as much as possible for all weathers and understand that meteor showers occur from time to time, but they will pass and life will carry on, so to preserve life I have to feed it,water it and weed out the poisonous elements, and recovery has gifted me the opportunity to do so.

The greatest asset to this is I am sound in the knowledge that parts of my planet lay undiscovered, which will and does gift me all the inspiration I need.

Today just for today, I choose to continue existing in this amazing star studded galaxy by not risking it all on the outcome of a chance BET.

My name is Duncan I am a comulsive gambler NO BET since 23/01/2012.

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan,

Just wanted to leave a quick message.

I came to your diary after you had left me a great message on mine.

I've only reached page 10 so far and am going to stop for now, you commented back then how after 29 days you were able to go past several bookies without any desire to go in. My immediate thought was 'i could try that' however on day 1 that may be a bit ambitious! I think I will focus on what needs done in the first few days and let day 29 take care of itself!

Also huge congratulations on achieving well over a year - a really fantastic achievement. I'm in no position to dole out advice and as I said I'm about 330 pages behind on your diary! However, maybe as a quick reminder... I once went around 16 months gamble free then for some unknown reason slipped - that was about 4 yrs ago and today is my day 1 (for the umpteenth time)... I'm sure you won't but never forget - it only takes 2minutes to undo months of good work.

Well done again on doing so well, thanks for your message of support and good luck. I'll come back to read a lot more of your story soon.

Hi Duncs

You just reminded me with your post there ...my ex partner always had to be right all the time to the point where I shut down bothering to talk to him becasue if I had an opinion it had to be argued in terms of right and wrong with me having to "prove " everything ..

He had to be right

Now it's role reversal and when it comes to my life I'm now right all the time ..lol ...I like it .

R and D xx

Evening diary.

Rach like that old head chef i had many years ago stated often " I'm seldom right but I'm never bloo#dy wrong!!!"

Lol.

Well the pea soup mist finally cleared to leave a beautiful day, got out in the garden and stained the fences and started on the bench, ready it for a few late summers nights!!! And with pleasure i write that the apple tree i took from it's pot to give it permanent roots last year to symbolize the start of recovery, to lay roots and stop running, well that tree is full of buds, lets hope we enjoy the fruits of our hard work this year.

Peace and quiet this evening all the kids are out, just me my beloved and the hounds!!

Here's to that wonderful life.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

DMac,

Spreading positive thoughts around the forum as usual. I love it. Keep it coming buddie.

Tomso.

Hey Duncs,

Thanks for the post on my diary. Great to be reaping the rewards of abstinence. Like you my friend, giving back is a big part of my recovery. Today I was talking about G.A. with my therapist in my 1 on 1 session and mentioning that we need a sponsor at some point for G.A. He asked me who do I think benefits the most from that sponsorship? I told him the sponsor. He said I was right, I completely understand that roll now. You my friend Duncs are everyone's sponsor on this site, for that I thank-you sir.

Chicagoguy

Hi Duncs,

I too really appreciate all of the support you have given me on my own diary and for the positivity in your posts. Some days I need that comforting hot bowl of soup, other days I need a breath of fresh air, and on occasion a bit of cold water tossed in my face.. lol.. Your posts are a balance of all of the above my friend. Today, I raise my mug of joe to you Duncs! -joanxxx

Was thinking about you losing weight and needing a belt and braces and just thought that is what you have been to me in my diary. Every now and then you need that extra support from someone strong to hold you up so you can keep on without tripping over. A bit corny but so true.

xxx

Hi Duncs

Well I'm back from a well earned rest. Had a fabulous holiday, nicely refreshed and recharged and back at work feeling very positive.

Hope you're well. Will read back through your diary in the coming days and message properly. Have a great weekend. Let's hope it's a sunny one.

G

Evening diary.

I have to say folks i am truly humbled by all your kind words they mean a great deal and without doubt feed my soul.

Had a call today from a fella from my GA who is really struggling at the minute. His mind is the constant battle grounds for the question, what's the point?? For him he only found gambling after he lost his wife to illness, in his mind he hit a rock bottom before gambling even made a start. We talked it through, tried to find a focus for him, he is only a couple of yrs older than me, has a fantastic career in the armed forces, he uses gambling to deal with his pain.

My thoughts turned to the question.

Where is rock bottom?? What qualifies your rock bottom??

My answer, surely it is as bespoke as recovery, it must be the point were your situation can't be worsened. In addiction you gave it all you had to give and more, it took it gladly, would keep taking in truth.

I can't begin to think how losing your partner would affect your life, in fact any loved one.

All i can do is offer my unconditional support, through which i hope my friend can see through the taunts of his addiction.

To which he has successfully for 26 months now.

The support I offer here was born through the support others before me gave to me.

When i came broken to this forum the words of Gt,smiler,ex mug, Ian b, js123 and so many others helped me to find my lights guide, it feels like a relay, a never ending one were we are all torch bearers, all helping one another.

That is the reason i believe in recovery, it delivers us the constant opportunity to better life.

Believe, in all of you I do.

Together from both sides of the fence we afford ourselves a better chance.

Today just for today i choose a path now friendly to me.

A gamble free one.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Great post mate as always, love reading them,

Enjoy your week

Afternoon diary,

Day off today, been in my back garden for the last five hrs hard at it, moved the compost bin, should I say full compost bin!!, tended to all the pots and my butlers sink herb garden, planted out some peas, lettuces, tomato plants potted along with new basil, 60 day beans,runner beans and broad beans, that lot should keep us all healthy!!!

I have to say two weeks in and my family look fantastic, everyone is up early, there skin looks good and everyone is shedding the biscuit and chocolate pounds!! As a treat we all had a chocci bar, me after much deliberation opted for the Dark bounty, wish I had gone down the double decker route like my Joe, it looked delicious!!!

Sad and glad to see a few new names on the forum, Brilliant to see Doh back after a weekend gamble free!! Great work!!

My friend from Ga took his kids away for some r&r over the weekend, and glad to say today he is feeling much better, gamble free and focused again.

GOALS.

I think what I learn from this is what helps recovery short and long term is Goals, small ones, great big ones something to achieve.

I have lost a trouser size in the last two weeks, my trousers are literally falling down, my goal is if I drop another trouser size in the next two months I will look to re-stocking the wardrobe, yes my lovely, beautiful wife I will rid the wardrobe of all those old clothes and re-stock it!! lol.

(funny conversation yesterday, our lily-may spent some of her hard earnt on some clothes, one thing being a jean jacket, just like the one Sarah threw out all those years ago!! Saying I wont be wearing that any more, What comes around goes around in the fashion world!!)

Payday tomorrow, another day to reduce the debt and a few quid spare for a few treats, Why???

Because I choose not to formulate any of it into a bet, which would lead to another, and without doubt bring the house down!!!

the odds on offer are simply Sh##T against what I have to lose!!

Oh and I may make a return to midweek cricket, after a 20 yr absence!! saw a fella whom I used to play with, who is skippering a local 40over mid week team for the season, may just down the old willow and give it a try.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for your supportive post on my diary.

Things are definately on the up for me at the moment as I am turning back into 'Positive Ade'! Rather than that imposter that took over me for far too long and left me feeling drained.

Glad to see that you are feeling good and moving forward as usual. Your positivity is shining through in your posts and is truly infectious my friend.

Keep strong and keep living life the way you are Duncs. The future is what we make it......

All the best

Ade

Hi Duncs with the falling down trousers!

You continue to offer inspiration Duncs, highlighting what's achievable not only in terms of abstinence but in life- thanks!

Irene

x

afternoon diary.

I was duty bound this morning to take the hounds for a nail clip and pay an installment of council tax debt, walking to the post office i passed a familiar site from my gambling past, a fella i stood in silent curse next to many a time next to the fobt whilst we both loaded our wallets into the machine.

by sad contrast, i ambled happily along were as the fella looked like the weight of the world rested upon his shoulders. I watched him walk straight into a bookmakers, my guess an educated one, his payday too, oh and the bookies payday to boot.

Took me to thinking about the twelve steps, step 10.

To which i would like to share an extract.

The wise people have always known that no one can make much of his life until self-searching becomes a regular habit.until he is able to admit and accept what he finds, and until he patiently and persistently tries to correct what is wrong. When we have gambled far beyond our means, we must admit it was the direct result of yesterdays excesses of negative emotions. Do not linger on the past for long. It requires an admission and correction of errors now.our inventory enables us to settle with the past. We are really able to leave it behind us. When we have made peace with ourselves, we can meet tomorrow's challenges as they come.

Today i allowed myself a smile because you reap what you sow.

That fella i hope he finds a path on his journey, less destructive than his current one.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change.

Courage to change the things i can

and wisdom to know the difference.

My name is Duncan i am a compulsive gambler No bet today, no bet since 23/01/2012.

Stepping forward never back.