Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning diary.

I have to say that I fully expect a wrap on the knuckles from the administrators of the forum because I have written what I believe is true on another author's thread and I know that by pointing out the truth here is not the desired action wanted by author's and the administrator's alike.

We are a truly sensitive bunch aren't we,I am ashamed of the way that I would willingly manipulate folk to ensure that I was always the victim, that fault would always fall at another person's feet.

I lived to feed addiction, surely that is what addicts do,by fare means or foul I put the act of gambling before everything else.

I was bailed out by bosses, banks, parents and my wife

Every time it sactioned the green light

Yes I might go a hundred days laying dormant, I would behave in a remorseful fashion, nod at tellings off.

But for twenty years I was playing lip service, I couldn't give a f**k about anything except waging that next punt

I loathed anyone who stood in my way, I silently plotted my comebacks, addiction feeding the will to prove everyone wrong!

Well there was and always would be a huge elephant in the room.

I like every other compulsive gambler lived by a mantra

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

I repeated the same action over and over expecting the outcome to change.

I lived within my own madness.

I see the difference today, recovery gifted me the facts.

I am truly sorry for all the victims who innocently suffered through my inability to see that elephant, the true casualties of addiction. you all offered a solution many times.

Recovery awaited until I embraced it unconditionally

Today I believe that awaits anyone who is fully unconditionally committed to taking the opportunity.

I hope that comes without the twenty years feeding it did my life before I sought it.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Good posts duncs

so v sensitive we are. People will go through immense suffering and self punishment rather than face up to criticisms of others.

Someone might commit to running a marathon as part of their recovery, eat pot noodles for a month as punishment. Yet sharing a secret, committing to therapy is wayyyyyy too much. Although of course it's never 'too much' just 'not for me'

Soz rant over. ...and on to work

Best

Louis

Duncs,

leave others to deal with those inner demons in whatever way they deem fit.

Dave

Hi Duncs,

I don't know whether or not you received a wrap on the knuckles. Freedom of speech and opinion clearly isn't alive and well. My earlier post to yourself has been massively edited rendering it pretty pointless!

Dave

Evening diary.

Dave I am saddened if a post you have written has been edited because I believe that I can learn a great deal from what you write because I would deem it raw and true.

I have given a great deal of thought today as to why I am still here writing, over 900 days since I waged a single penny on any form of gambling and I find myself compelled to write.

I fed addiction for more than twenty years, I summise that I will need to give actively to recovery for the same length of time before I can let go the overwhelming feeling of remorse I hold, I committed some truly heinous acts throughout my gambling life,today I live to try to make amends for those acts.

I am humbled to have the opportunity to do so because I recognise the fact that I myself would have found it difficult to be as forgiving as folk have been.

I believe for me the reason lays in the fact that I have stopped trying to find an exit strategy

For me I am an addict, I will be one until I draw my last breath, I have stopped wishing that I could have a punt and the outcome wouldn't be catastrophic, because it would.

I am compelled to put abstinence first because it works.

From maintaining the act of abstinence opportunities for living are boundless, there's nothing I cannot achieve.

Every day I need to remind myself of the facts.

There is so much on offer with what I see as little sacrifice, Through acceptance of the facts I can live in harmony with myself.

I am first and foremost finally looking out for myself, I am happy with the outcome of the effort I give.

The by product of my commitment is the folk directly influenced can enjoy life without destruction.

I cannot justify the actions I brought, I can without doubt learn from them.

The same awaits every compulsive gambler

Please take what's on offer

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back..

Morning (on my side of the world) Duncs

I am the mom of a CG and am on the f&f side of this forum. I do wander over and have a boo at some of the diaries on this side (yours amongst them) for one reason...HOPE.

Reading the work & commitment you have put into recovery not just for yourself but your family fills me with hope.

Thank you!

Cathyx

Morning diary.

Well I got awoken at silly o'clock, lol mr blue hoodwinked me into believing he needed out and beat me back to bed!

So I got less than half my half lol.

Still caught up with some programmes missed on the i player and pondered my week.

I have had to climb a mountain every Sunday for eight months, staff not playing the same tune as me and every week I have spent a six hour service in a rage.

Yesterday?

Bliss, unadulterated calm,the same amount of punters if not more. Almost the perfect service.

One customer stated the beef didn't taste like beef?

Enraged? No just offered a replacement. Customer is king!

So why the change?

Plain and simple last week I addressed the life/work balance

Two days and one night off. The result is I don't feel tired,irritable, overworked, stressed.

What I felt was a desire, a desire to do what I can to achieve the standards we strive to maintain.

Equally I had a desire to finish and enjoy a supper with the folk I hold dear.

Which I did.

I learnt a valuable lesson.

One I aim to repeat

Look after myself, the results are purely positive.

Abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

That is the way to go Duncs, positive results:)))

Keep keeping strong and thank you as always for your positive posts on your diary, totally inspiring as always

Suzanne xxx

Dear diary.

I feel like I lost a tenner and found a penny this morning, I haven't felt this way for some time.

I guess the outcome will please two outlets

Addiction

The gambling industry who earmarks us all with the same label, we are the great unwashed, the ignorant few who ruin gambling for others,it's our lack of self control.

After reading around the forum I can't even defend it.

Wow.

I am ashamed.

I created the feeling I have last time through my own shortfalls.

Today I can't say the same

So it leaves me with a choice

Fight or flight.

I beat myself senseless for twenty years, I honoured the oh well f**k it attitude to life.

I believe I have earned the right to fly

Goodbye all.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Gutted 🙁

If you are still reading...Look after you!

Lost for words on your post my friend, but like ODAAT am gutted, please look after you. and keep stepping forward never back xxx

Don't blame you Duncs feel the same. I have to stick around I need this place right now I just ignore all the poor behaviour that has been going one for a while now.

KTF

Mount Vesuvius erupted on gamcare and have left all the peeps frozen in time.

Possibly by some, I could be classed as a hypocrite as also some what trigger happy. But the emotions on this site have been brewing for a couple of months. I have my theory, but what's done is done and I completely get where your coming from Duncs, some times flight is the way forward as we leave our hero days behind us.

Will look forward to catching up in 3d and Having a rendition of ' play up pompey, play up pompey ' I love simple lyrics.

But Duncs, never say never. This forum will miss the equilibrium the likes of you bring to these diarys.

No pressure hai

Morning Duncs,

Just as I wrote to Dan. I'm not worried for you my friend but, I will miss you so. I will always be grateful to you for all of the unconditional support you have given me over the years. It is trully a sad day for GC. I completely understand though. You know what is at stake. It's a no brainer. Fly good friend! And, I echo Paul's sentiment; never say never and as you have said to me on occasion the door swings both ways. Hugs to you, Sarah, the kids and the hounds. -joanxxx

Such a sad day and although I know you will be fine it scares me to think that, had you come to the forum with your first entry on a day like today you might be in a very different place now, which would have meant that you were not there to offer the invaluable support and insight you gave to me over the years. xxx