Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Duncs to see how many posts and people who are willing to go the distance to come see you shows how valued you are. Everyone one here is guilty of making mistakes we're humans after all . Something you did in the past shouldn't define the person you are today. A thing that sticks out to me around these parts is your saying death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Hopefully you'll be able to get the help you need right now and continue stepping forward never back . All the best duncs

Keep fighting

Hello Duncan,

In truth, gob smacked. And didn't want to write until digested and to find the right wirds, but thought fool it.Your post has lots of pain reverberating from the words but dealt with an unnerving honesty. You've seen the response from your Gamcare pals, you need to reach out like you have done for others Duncs.

The last stone has been turned Duncs, despite not catching up as yet and not knowing you in 3D, I know this honourable chap will bounce back

Duncs you've been a great help to me in the past and now I'm wondering how I can be a friend to this man

As ever I am truly humbled by all your words,Joan and a person I really thought I had long lost from my life thanks for your emails, I have shed lots more tears today, ones without agenda,no hidden meaning, just tears of unrelenting pain. I had two telephone conversations with the Crisis unit this afternoon, I think my blunt honesty drove the second call, I am going to a secure unit tomorrow for an assessment at 2pm, from it I will take what I am given, I will be here for life, in truth I need this forum more than it needs me.

Duncs

Duncan I consider you a friend. A friend for life. It's unconditional. No words just a hug and a hand across the pond.

Duncan, I work in mental health and have come to rely on this forum too. All I can say is, reach out and accept the help you will be offered. Take a rest, and just take ODAAT. It will be overwhelming, but maybe a relief that someone will take the reins for a few days. Just take it easy okay. I am thinking of you, and keeping you in my prayers xx There is nothing that cannot be sorted out. Time will do all of this.

Hello Duncanmac,

Well done for sharing what you have been currently going through, it sounds like you have been struggling because of recent problems and this has triggered a lapse to gambling, but also risk of harm to yourself.

However you need to recognise the positive steps you have taken since then, which is being honest with the services you have since been in contact with such as the your GP, family, police services, gamcare forum and now future support from the crisis team.

Being open about what you are going through is painful and difficult but will provide you with the support to help you take further steps in recovery from problem gambling and any other problematic situaitons you may experience through life.

Please remember the GamCare helpline and netline are here for you when you need to talk, freephone :0808 8020 133.

The Samaritans helpline will also be able to provide you support when you are feeling in need to talk, you can contact them on; 116 123 (UK).

Take care

Forum Admin

I dont know you but you appear to have a lot of friends on this forum that have a lot of respect for you. Chin up and keep fighting -you havent lost if you havent stopped trying.

Duncs,

I am so terribly sorry to read these latest updates.

All I can say is - please remember just how valued and appreciated you are here on this forum. Whatever your own situation, you have played a vital role in countless recoveries over the years. Mine definitely included.

Sending you love and strength. D123

Hi - nothing much I can add to what others have said but you are in my thoughts.

I hope and believe you will get through this

Duncs, three words. Honesty, Willingness, Wisdom.

Big hug, tri

Morning diary I have had a pretty fretful night, I have spoken at length with Sarah in the night I have explained the contents of the letter I sent which she will receive today I know that it will cause hurt and anger but I have to stand by it's honesty. I had presumed that Sarah had told our children about the underlying reason and have since discovered she hadn't so regretfully lily read about it here, she emailed to tell me, I have apologized and Sarah spoke with the boys straight after, I truthfully didn't think she had ever read my thread, I am happy for her to do so, it's an account of my true life. I am not justifying my actions or looking for sympathy I have to put the contents of my mind out there. In life I have been party to sharing many secrets, things left unsaid, I often have believed that it is just to do so for the greater good, maybe today I see that there are flaws in such an act and does that mean everyone has the right to know everything, giving them the ability to founder their own opinions and judgements from the whole truth. I am today trying to face life with a practical approach, to get the black and white done, there's no colour in my palate, equally the immediate desire to end life is not my only thought so I accept that as progress, I accept that depression equally turns on and off like a light, for me truthfully the darkest days of my Life have always come after a momentous occasion or achievement,as if to pronounce my life unworthy, unwarranted as deserving any happiness.gambling addiction love's to capitalise on this mindset, encouraging episodes of wantan self destruction, that kept me in a loop for more than twenty years,live,ruin, survive, repeat cycle.

Gambling also offers escape, to totally zone out, I have on countless occasion put 20x the possible jackpot into a fruit machine.why? To win? No winning was a terrible outcome, action=escape the outright desire to stay in action.

That is why a non compulsive gambler could rightly never begin to understand the mechanics of my mind.

Equally I know that there is a way, I have tasted it, I know the pure joy it gives, today I will start that process.

The twelve step commitment.

My name is Duncan Mcquilken I am a compulsive gambler and my life has become unmanageable, truly unmanageable.

I will hand it to those who can help me to manage it for myself.

Duncs.

Good morning Duncs,

Thank you again for sharing. Strangely feel united on this forum with your honest posts back. This place is the blueprint for us huh..no matter how many times we go away...we do come back.

I can relate to depression. As you know i am fighting it for years myself. I know how daunting black & white can be.
All i can assure you off - it will pass! I felt at my lowest last year, would of not wish this to anyone...it's helpless place..but...stretching that hand out and asking for help is the only way forward...help is out there and we only need to accept it.

Duncs...things happens for the reason, take this tough times in your stride, keep moving, keep learning and forgive yourself. You're only human, as we all..you make mistakes.

Wish you well...& keep posting ☺

Love & strength to you and your wonderful family..just for today - be kind to yourself!

B& S xx

Hiya Duncs, action = escape, so true for so many of us. Just wanted to say, I don't know you, but I am walking alongside you, one step at a time. Helen x

Duncan,

It pains me to see a man with such a big heart going through such traumatic circumstances. In the 5-6 months I have worked with you, I have developed not only a friendship, but also a huge respect for you. I would like to reassure you that I am not on this site as a means for idle gossip, I am simply here to get in contact and tell you that I am wanting to help in any way that I can. I'm not going to sit here and write that I know what you are going through, as quite frankly I can't even begin to imagine the mental battles you are having with yourself at the moment. But one thing I do know, is that knowing there are people fighting your corner with you, is a very valuable asset to have. If you feel like you need to get in touch, you know where you can find me. Until next time, I wish you nothing but the very best. You're a good man Duncs. Matt G.

You're a good man Duncan. Like all of us, you have made mistakes growing up.

I know you would show compassion to another man in your shoes. I hope you can find some for yourself.

I'm sure you will find strength through the steps programme.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Louis