Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

DMac,

Thanks for your kind words as always. I have awoken full of optimism. I am going to put my heart and soul into this. I admit defeat and, most importantly, I admit that I am back at the start. This is key for me. After Christmas I was a little embarrassed to come on here after being ten months free from gambling and then suddenly relapsing. The past week and especially yesterday has cemented the belief that I am firmly back at the start and it excites me. I have been here before last year and the benefits were huge. Everything in life becomes enjoyable again and I am about to experience all that again.

Tomso.

Dunc.

Enjoy your weekend.

pass on my best wishes to Hovis.

gazza

evening diary

been thinking alot about second chances today, well truthfully third,forth and so on.

I lost count of the times my gambling indiscretions were overlooked, kicked under the rug.

for me that was my life cycle.

gamble to the edge of my cliff, hang on, get bailed out, be remorsefull then as soon as the coast was clear, go straight back at it.

i actually gambled right up to the point were it broke me.

it really did break me, take far more than i had to give.

whilst at it i could not see it, that is the truth, i blamed everyone around me, never my fault.

right up to the day it could take no more because everyone saw me for what i was, a fella washed up, nothing to give, just a bloke on the take.

that was the day gambling won.

the 22/01/2012.

since then i have learnt truthfully how to live with my addiction. a compulsion which leads you to live beyond your own worth ten fold.

at first i still could not see it, my inner self, the selfish bloke through addiction thought the answer to all lifes questions layed at the hands of a bet.

but with each days abstinence came moments of clarity.

to lead to todays mindset. i do win each day i make a choice not to give in to my addiction.

again i see it, day on day. at it

I cannot win because i cannot stop.

through abstinence i enjoy the polar opposite.

I did win because i did stop.

days like today through my commitment to the forum, a day when i see two fellas return to abstinence show me through the courage of my convictions i see that to arrest our addiction is enough.

why??

because it delivers life. a life better ten fold and some compared to the one whilst at it.

we escape the misery, we become honest with firstly ourselves and most of all life becomes enjoyable.

and today just for today i made a choice to stay there.

in a state of arrest.

my hope that others, all of you enjoy the same.

lets abstain and maintain.

the results are astonishing.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Well done dunc, you are doing amazingly.

Take care.

Feb.

Dunc,

Truely amazing words of wisdom, you should write a self help book for compulsive gamblers, I would buy it.

Chicagoguy

Great post Dunc... wise words indeed .. warm regards... and well done for continuing to turn your life around!... S.A 🙂

Hey Duncs..it's true....I think you should start a Blog on twitter...diary of a recoveree ....seriously..you'd get loads of followers..

R and d xx

Hi Ya Duncs,

Wow Wow Wow.. Back at the top of the posts because everyone needs to read it!! Thank -you Duncan! -joanxx

Hi there

made my eyes water reading your post - and I wasn't even peeling onions.

Thank you as a real motivator when hitting a downer.

Very simply, you do have a wonderful life.

xxx

Morning diary

thanks for the kind words folks, this is my book i guess and if my ramblings touch base with others then fantastic. For me it helps immeasurably.

Following on from yesterdays post i can see where the most instrumental thing has been the triangle handed to me on that first meeting at Ga.

Time - whilst gambling my time, my existence was dedicated to the act of gambling, bluntly it consumed me.

Location - I knew every bookie within my town and doubtless they knew me. I remember the first fobts being installed, my instant answer to all my problems.

Money - the fuel to feed my addiction, whilst at it i can say everything else went by the wayside, family, bills, work simply everything came second.

Today again the polar opposite.

Time - the time regained through abstinence is the greatest benefit, i have it in abundance, i make time to enjoy the things that addiction stopped me doing, most of all the moments the last thirteen months have given me to enjoy with my family. Priceless.

Location - I no longer find myself in the wrong place, no more trips to the " shops" to purchase a £300 bottle of milk after the walk of shame, no more not turning up for work as i am no longer hunched over an fobt, through this no more loneliness, a gambler at it i was always a deeply lonely fella .

Money - through handing my finances over to my beloved Sarah we have money, money to enjoy living, through abstinence i work hard, a new job sees i enjoy it, the postman is no longer my nemesis. In fact the postman brings joy, from the bank statement to the clubcard statement.

So today i do see through clear unclouded eyes what abstinence delivers. For me the triangle and the fact that i am happy to let folk know about my addiction.

I used to be scared most of all of being caught out, that before losing, that was always inevitable!!

At it like all compulsive gamblers

i cannot win because i cannot stop.

Well i did stop.

I today am healthy scared of gambling, i know it had a stick it beat me up bad with.

Today just for today i hold that stick, because just for today the most important day i choose to make a choice.

No bet today a great way, the only way to as a compulsive gambler to start his day.

Off to work my socks off, a dining room full of smiles my goal. Then home to enjoy a wonderful leg of lamb. Another benefit.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

DMac,

Great post to read first thing in the morning. Happiness is your reward for all you hard work and determination.

Tomso.

Great post Duncs - you are an inspiration, and I hope my son can travel the same path as you .... Day 46 for my son today - a Hapy Mum - but always taking one day at a time.

Enjoy your Roast Lamb ... I'm cooking the same tonight 🙂

Afternoon diary.

Well the roast lamb was delicious a great reward after a hard days graft, an extra twenty or so customers catered for above the bookings and the staff were delighted the gratuities came flying in, so they were all happy, well except the lad who thinks the world owes him a living, I have a sit with him and the boss scheduled for later this week, I hope we can get him to see the light.

A day off today a day to relax a little, something without the constant chasing of a bet has come alot easier, and without doubt a great deal more enjoyable.

So a day to check the emails, top up upon my resolve here and cook up a lamb curry using the leftovers from yesterdays roast.

Something else abstinence has delivered, the ability to be thrifty, therefore enabling us to enjoy other luxeries in life.

It is payday this week a short month, as it seems as though we only just got paid, and I celebrate payday as before I would have been lucky to have left enough to see us through a week let alone a month, and without doubt any purchases would have to be offset by a gambling win, for my ridiculous brain to accept it, only those wins were as we all know a temporary loan from the bookmakers at best.

So today I feel secure in the knowledge that the bills will be paid and it will leave us enough in the bank to enjoy life and living it.

Our lily-may is 17 yrs old next week and joe turns 19 2 weeks later, so a month of worthy celebrations and I hope a good few more curries LOL.

Hovis is on the mend, still fashioning his collar and the stitches come out on friday, not such a busy week for me this week so I will kick on with a big clean at work in preparation for the summer.

Today I once again continued my streak and bettered my tomorrow.

NO BET today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan,

Really enjoying reading your positive posts keeps me going. Well done and enjoy the lamb curry.

Wilsy

Hey Duncan,

I also enjoy reading your posts, very inspirational to a newly commited ex gambler. Reads like a nice book. Much graditude, for your wisdom.

Chicagoguy