Aegretudo Egretudo !

Good Morning Diary & thank you Sandra, day 15 arrives with a great sense of pride and achievment ! this has been a long journey to get back on track after abstaining for such a long time previously. I then had a series of mishaps and was failing terribly.

What a joy it is to look at my bank statement when it says last 14 days and not to see an endless trail of transactions from online betting companies, that is a joy in itself.

Have a great weekend everyone, i will. Dark Place /

Talk about having a laugh ! i just received an email from a well know bookmaker warning me that my debit card's date was lapsing soon and please change it online now ! talk about being efficient in ROBBING f*****g people !

Well they can go and take a long walk off a f*****g short pier, never having my money ever again ! Dark Place

Hi,

I just wanted to say well done on your recovery.

I know how difficult it is to try and get back on track after such a success of abstinence. I too gave up for over a year with the help of gamcare but unfortunately I gave in to my urges. That was 7 years ago and it has taken me this long to come back!

Keep strong and we both know the upside of being gambling free for a long period of time.

Take care

LG

Lol can't believe they mail you telling you to update card unbelievable !!!!! Keep strong dark place x

The bear x

Day 18 today, very busy weekend moving to new house so did not have time to write here. Great thing sbaout the weekend is that i can honestly say gambling only crossed my mind once and that is when i was driving in the car and the commentary of the lincoln came on the radio ! other than that, nothing doing ! so onwards and upwards getting stronger all the time. Have a great week everyone, Dark Place /

Dark Place,

Took me most of the morning reading your diary. What a roller coaster made me feel sick at times. Was so with you on your happy feeling good days then felt like S***e and sick on your relapses. I think i will stick to the nice easy rides of non nausea so can you help me out and stick to the happy days makes me feel much better lol.

Well done on a few weeks G free. Will continue to follow your diary hope not to feel sick anytime soon.

CasinoRoyaLoser

So here we are, day 19 and nearly in to the 20's ! not one thought about gambling but i am not so stupid to think i am over this, fact is i will never be over my gambling addiction. All i can do is keep it under control and not allowing it to surface.

Just taken my youngest to school, now in the office ! great win for my HAMMERS last night ! thoroughly enjoyed it with a lovely chinese take away ! those mackems make me laugh, just like Newcastle, think they are bigger than what they are. Totally clinical display and why Poyet never started with Johnson is a mystery, he is top draw ! if they want to stay up, he needs to start every game.

Oh well, back to work... have a great day all, Dark Place /

thanks for the note... yes, I did think it might be a "sign" ... but I am scared to rent it to her mostly because I think my other tenant would react very negatively ....the lady was very rough looking and my current tenant, well, she's "prim and proper' and also very reliable and I don't think I should risk losing her.... and besides, the 500 I would get for that room is far short of the 3000 I need immediately so the bank could take action anyway.... I just don't know. Anyway DP, I am glad things are going well for you. Thanks for being there.

One more thought.... The lady who wanted the room had "fetal alcohol syndrome" features.... I really don't want to judge her but I have to be careful.... and after the last girl who was a complete nightmare, I'm scared to risk it..... still, I will hang on to her phone number and think on it some more. Just trying to work this out in my mind. As SA always says...Thanks for listening.

Day 20, went to cafe nero for large latte ! i like it there as they always give 2 shots of expresso, all the others are just so weak and limp. Sat outside and watched people lazilly walk by as they trundled off to work or what ever they were doing. Reminded me of a song i wrote when i was 18 and the opening verse was "Daylight dawns upon a main line city station, every face of every creed of every nation. College ties which spell the meaning of success, all put together in a concrete wilderness" it was a good song if i dont mind saying so myself.

Just like all those other pipe dreams i ever had, they kind of came and went, as a certain J Cougar once said. I really should have pursued my playing of guitar and song writing, it could have taken me away from the hell of all this gambling in my life !

I was taught by a great guitarist called mick hutchinson in Eastbourne on the coast, really eccentric ! one of his best friends was Pete Sears who is the base player in Jefferson Airplane Starship, or Starship as they are know now. Pete had an article in guitar magazine once and said Mick Hutchinson was one of the best guitarists he had ever known ! think they used to play in a band called vamp a long time ago on the underground circuit in London !

I remember one day Mick said to me, he thought i was one of the best 3 song writers he had ever heard (big praise) strange really, cos i did not believe him at the time, after all i was only 18 years old ! maybe i should have listened ! of course i still have all those songs in my head and my acoustic comes out every now and then mainly for nostalgic reasons ! life is strange, its all about choices and the different roads we take. I have 3 beautiful children and they are the best things in my life with my wife. Johannes 13, iiris 12 & isaac 4 !

I really have rambled on this morning, not really sure why :-/ guess every now and then it does good to open up your heart and mind.

Oh well, off to the office and another honest dollar/pound to be earnt. Have a great day everyone, Dark Place

Hi Dark Place might need to change your name soon to light up the day. You post touched me i didn't take it as rambling just like to read open honest thoughts. Funny how we can all express feelings in here and always manage to mention our demons in most of our posts too. It's never to late to choose our paths even if we chose just ONE who says we cant take a detour onto a new one. Go for it start writing lyrics,, man maybe you end up on a path with lots of lights and whistles at the end of it. I have always wanted to own properties like a property tycoon. My dream was to own a few here in Dubai and live off people's rent. I have my first studio apartment paid off here in Dubai but couldn't get my 2nd 3rd 4th because i gave it to the roulette tables and bookies. So i choose to open up my dreams again and now im saving for my 2nd property. Will take forever because i have to pay off debts first, big ones at that. I think it takes courage to follow the dreams and act upon them. So with this post of yours i am going back after my dream will be slow painful but it's better than the alternative. Now im rambling lol..

Keep Strong choose your path and dreams.

CasinoRoyaloser

Thanks Casino, appreciate your nice words.

So on to day 21, really racking those days up now. 3 weeks free of the disease, this seemed a million miles away not so long ago.

Gutted for the bear, hope he will be ok. Have a great day all, Dark Place

Congrats on 3 weeks. Yes feel bad for Bear too, let's hope he gets right back up and starts fresh. I was very ugly to myself this morning thanks to others for posting on my diary.

Keep going DP you will be at 50 days before you know it mate.

CL

Hey DP.... loved that post and really want to urge you to explore more songwriting. It's clear from the few lyrics you posted that it's something you really should be doing! Seriously... would you please set some time aside to feed that soul of yours?!! I will be waiting to hear what you come up with!!! Maybe it'll inspire me to try tackling some of the creative pursuits I've always thought about but never had the guts to try. Sorry I have been so slack on here.... am proud of your recent success in slaying the demons and will try my darndest to follow your lead!

Meant to say that I loved that 2nd last post! By the way, I thought of you last night. I went to a friend's place for dinner. She has recently started taking guitar lessons and she also had her guitar teacher over who brought his guitar along so we had a bit of a sing-a-long.... a really nice evening for me for a change. I really do have to stop isolating myself so much and get out more!