Here I go again, I feel like an utterly weak pathetic loser!! I have gambled again yesterday and now have no money until I get paid in over a week, I woke up this morning thinking this HAS to stop today, I have all the blocks in place on my laptop. I managed to get onto the kids computer and gamble before so will have to put blocks on them. I have a rubbish phone so I won't be using that to gamble. I will log on the computer only to write in this diary every day.
I feel absolutely gutted which makes me want to gamble when I'm down but keep telling myself NO!!! It will only make it worse.
Going out with the kids this morning then I'll do some housework. I'll log in tonight to say I've got through the day. I can beat this as I'm so desperate to. Must stay strong this time J x
Welcome back Jaz
Its not easy coming back and accepting what you were doing wasn't working
Hope you continue to learn and get better
welcome back
triangle
Good luck jaz
You can beat this, be strong and when you get an urge like we all do, just think how bad you felt after having a gamble! I also really find the GA meetings very helpfull in my recovery.
Jaym
Hi Jaz,
It is not easy to stay free from gambling, it is a really hard and long journey, on wich we have to take on every help we can get, even we sometimes think "no I can't do this" . For myself I found out, that at the time when my sister took over my money and supplied me every day just with a small amount of it, I just hated it. And I didn't let it happen because I understood the importance but if I wouldn't have done it she would have kicked me out on the street. But did it really stop me from gambling ? It did to be honest for a while but I still hit rock bottom and already planed in the back of my head the way through the back door. Funny enough it was also the first time in my life where I started to saving up. Everyday my sister gave me money, I put a bit ofit away. And when I had about 40-50 at this time Deutschmark together then I went straight after work gambling. It worked this way for a while and my sisternot knowing what I really did started trusting me more and more and one day she decided to give me my bank card back and you might guess what happened. Yes I blew all my money and a overdraft in 2 days and I felt worse then ever before and I said to myself but no it has to stop ! And I can't count how many times I've said exactly this again.
Why do I tell you this story ? Just to tell you, you are no loser at all as long as you try again and again you are a fighter and you will get there eventually when you keep coming back after you lapsed and every time you do know already a bit more and you will find it easier to work with it. Ideally you should not just visit when you are down or in a fighting process but even more when you are stable and feel good.
You really can do this Jaz.
Best wishes
Wolfgang
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