arghhhhhhhhh!

Thanks for posting Rainman and well done being 94 days clean.

I too smoke, had given up for yrs but started back again.

I know i can do it, as i was 6 months free b4 this slip up. The booze reduces my willpower enough to do it. Will have to earn my respect back, as im in the vicious circle of drinking leads to gambling leads to loss, familly troubles leads to remorse leads to drinking leading to gambling etc etc!

My old counsellor told me its very easy to stop one addiction and become addicted to something else, I always seem to get addicted to things they ruin you. Emotionally Im all over the place, wifes had enough of me , in trouble in work, lost most of my friends. My addictions have turned me into a person I hate thats why i dont respect myself. The only future is zero gambling starting today!

Hi Gav

I can identify with your plight. I, too, suffered with alcoholism but managed to put it in its place a good few years ago. Then gambling took over stronger and now I battle this. Addiction is what we are battling here and I would hazard a guess that you are escaping from life with your addictions. Counselling would be a great starting point to try and get some normality in your life. It ain't easy but if you want it bad enough you'll work hard for it. Life can be enjoyed once we get into calmer waters. Get onto Netline for some practical tips and advice it does work

Take care and keep posting and reading

Thanks for the advice folks. Yeah Smiler Im escaping from my life i should be happy I've 2 boys under 3, last few yrs have been tough , i lost my sister last yr to alcoholism 41 left 2 kids behind and im going down the same route. I just dont know what i want if that makes sense, i cant seem to be happy with what i've got. BUT today i will seek help im going back to my old tatics of leaving my bank cards in my safe at work and pick them up on monday morning, just carrying 40 quid cash on me to do me the wk end. Will look into Netline and phone my counsellor to get an appt. Im in for a rough night tonight, coming off the booze but it needs to be done, busy day tomorrow clearing garage.

Smiler how did you combat your drinking did you go the AA route? Are you t total now?

excuse my ranting but I feel like getting my thoughts out. LAast wk end i lost around 200 quid on another drunken binge on a poker machine, came home and attempted to deposit money on an online slot machine company. the transactions were declined and i got a fraud investiigation call from nationwide the next day. Im sure i would have blown thousands if i had the chance. Need to sober up , get my head back again. Long road but ive had enough of my current state of mind.

Gav

Fella well done for facing up to the fact that you want change.

For me this is key, the major factor that will be the start of something new.

The day you stand up and say 'I have had enough'

You have a choice, with that there will be loads of help available, lots of good folk who will help you to address the reasons why you are by your own admission 'self destructive'

You hold the key, me I hope you put it in the door and lock it behind you.

Just one question, why the need for £40 notes?? do you really need it??

For me today my money stays in the bank, it took twenty years going gung ho at it for me to realise that unless I really need it I actually dont have to buy it, the result is there is money in the bank for when I do need it.

Keep making the right choice.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for posting Duncan, I've made the first step and been referred to a local gambling counsellor who i've seen before and helped. the 40 quid is needed for indian tonight and taking my son out tomorrow , with leaving my cards at work i know i cant go on a binge over the wk end. Also i've made the ment al decision to not drink tonight as that leads to gambling OR thoughts of gambling with my willpower down. Also i need to get on this site every day and get my thoughts out and open. My heads all over the place currently but that w ill get better when i stop drinking and of course gambling. Ive stopped for 6 months so i know i can do it but i cant afford to get complacent.

Hi Gav

I know its sounds corny but all you need to do is keep it in the day. Stay stopped just for today. Don't think about tomorrow. Check in on here in the morning and promise yourself you will be back tonight with a clean slate. Quality of recovery is key and the numbers or quantity will stack up in due course.

As for alcoholism I am racking my brains as to think how I stopped. First and foremost I was an out of control drunk that ended up in hospital and re-habs on more than a couple of occasions. I met many good people on my road to recovery whom tried to help me but I didn't want to stop. I can recall many things said to me whilst binging on alcohol and maybe one thing or another triggered my senses and made me realise I actually wanted to see my daughter grow up. So instead of hitting the self destruct button I pressed it again (metaphorically) to reverse the procedure.

I realised one day I could not go on living like that anymore and I put the drink down and have never returned. I tried AA and a guy was fantastic but I didn't stick with it. I would recommend you ask someone for help though as it is hard to combat addiction on our own. Most people would be so relieved to see you seek help. Even those people that you know and you think that don't know about your drinking, I'm sure they do. You have to live life on life's terms and this is tough at times as it doesn't pan out how we script it. There is a wealth of help out there for you Gav but first you must hold out your hand for someone to take it

Please stay close to this forum and post as much as you can. It will help you immensely. Read some literature and maybe look on youtube for Father Martin alcoholism. He has some good stuff. You are in the right place just need to stay here.

Take care and enjoy your time with your little one

Hi Smiler ,thanks for your advice, I really do appreciate it, like you I tried the AA but couldnt keep committed to the 90 meeting s 90 days. Whilst my drinking is destructive i manage to function at work, put kids to bed, get on with every day tasks etc, but that next bender is always round the corner. Never been commited but know its a matter of time as i've done some crazy things when drinking/gambling involving police warnings etc. My work has a fair idea im still drinking, was mentioned my boss, that my senior bosses are concerned, i got caught drinking at work a few yrs back so it came out then, i promised to myself no more wk day drinking but that didnt last.

My 6 months gamble free went well, but the last 2 months of that spell were gamble fuelled thoughts and although i didnt gamble i got more obesessed with it to the eventual first gamble and then the subsequent madness!

Anyway wk end was good, no booze , no gambling, no watching horse racing. Cleared old bedroom out cleared garage watched some footy spent some time with familly and still have a tenner left from my 40 quid.

Also have booked an appts with local councillor i had been seeing for next week , so feeling postive about that.

Will look at that Father Martin later thanks.

Well i've succumbed again to this madness. In and around a grand the last month, won around 300 on slots on wed night blew it the next day plus another 250 in the space of minutes, my last bet a 200 bet on a horse that was favourite and finished last!! I actually felt relieved after that i laughed. I could have gambled more but I thought to myself what in earth am i doing? and why am I self destructing in this way. I can never stop once I start, and winning is the worse, and the end of the day winning just enables me to gamble longer. Feeling pretty Sh8t and fed up and fed up with trying to give up but im sick and tired of this life, yet I still gamble! Baffling! The places i did gamble are places ive self excluded from in the past. Need a period of sobriety and absistence from drinking and gambling, on the thursday morning i started drinking vodka and red bull at around 8.30 ish . Long journey ahead, councilling next week until then I've got to work out how im going to get thru to pay day , with car tax home insurance MOT all coming up and wouldnt have had to worry about these things IF i didnt gamble! I hate my addictive mind and what it turns me into, im starting to doubt whether i can live a normal life! Im actually starting to think i like putitng myself through all this cra*P and nental as that sounds.

Very tired looking forward to finishing work.

Start again i guess. Skint again wishing i was normal wishing my mind was normal

Good wk end and head in a much better place. Didnt take a drink or gamble enjoyed time with familly and enjoyed a day out yesterday. COunselling starting on thursday, in some debt but with a very strict month can get bills paid. feeling reasonably positive but know i cant risk complacency!

IM SICK OF BEING SICK!

Truely am fed up, had my first counselling session went well, last almost 2 weeks without a gamble and then decided last night to have some wine and vodka then went to the dirtiest wee arcade where i live (the only place i can gamble now as im self excluded from everywhere else!) and blew 150 quid, not a lot of money but im so sick and tired of slipping up! I know i shouldnt drink but like i said b4 im an alcoholic! Several things went wrong, i had my cards on me which is a no no when drinking, i also hadnt been doing a regular diary which i'll now do !

Im off next week on annual leave which coincides with Cheltenham! Any ideas guys what i should do, should i leave my cards in work all week? and lift money to do me? I cant believe i f ked up so quickly and i truely fed up with this is addiction, i dont know why i do it, i know i never win, and even when i do its just stake money to spend in the future so why do i do it? Baffling insanity madness! FED UP!!!!

Oh and have self excluded from that last arcade, also posted more forms to places i've already self excluded, but Like all gamblers know if i want to gamble i'll find a way! BUT restriction are key !

Hi Gav

Have you now self excluded from that last place? Give your cards to someone else so that you never have them. Only have a small amount of money on you to get from day to day.

I mean to be honest a gambler who wants to gamble will find a way. You do sound as if you have put the responsibility for your actions down to the "addiction". Yes it is hard to stop doing anything that you are addicted to but ultimately you make that decision yourself. If you want it badly enough you will stop or at the very least make it impossible for yourself when you have had a few drinks.

You can start today with a new life- of course you can- but only you can decide if you really want it bad enough.

Is there a reason that you want to keep punishing yourself? There are a lot of reasons us CG's do what we do but once you tackle the root cause then stopping can be made easier.

The next time it enters your head to go to an arcade/casino ask yourself who is forcing you to go in?

I hope you get the help you need

Linda