(THE PRESENT - BY LEST-WE-FORGET)
The desire to gamble,
the way that it digs, the defences could tumble, along with the dreams.
The realitys not so simple as it first may seem.
The joy to abstain, is no continious high,
the verdict holds no ground...oh why oh why...
i should be elated, yet i am not...
but surely who cares...
least the gambling has stopped.
(authors note....well for 38 days so far)
The Past (by LEST-WE-FORGET)
My brain is at work - it's devising a plan....
so resourceful to find a ways to make the triangle full (the money, the time and the perfect place)
In hindsight my brain in its brilliant fault - knows the triangles elements required before i am even consiously aware of such a parodox.
so as i work away, the long hours of day....earning a small amount to try balance my accounts....
my wonderful brain is confirming my plan to risk all i have and much more after that at the drop of a hat,
it persuades me again by the thrill of emotion it flushes through, as i wish my final hours of work away and prepare to endulge the urge.
I do not have dinner or even get changed.........straight to the safety of the womb ...or rather in hindsight the tomb.
every place that i sit, every bet thats then made....feeds the addiction and builds up the waves....
the tsunami is here as i drown in such waves and the numbness i feel ...takes everything away....
the bets no longer make sense...i simply don't care....a reckless play after another,
until everything is gone....or no wait a fairly big win on my last but one spin....now i feel good and a little relief....only a few hundred up but no longer a pound down........it must have been luck........all i need is a little more now...
the last three hours have now no hold as we are born again in the moment we have more to spend.....
logically i should leave as today i could be up..........but the addiction is too strong and who needs sleep when we can play some more and maybe win twice that.....
the energy renewed but the brain still fried......logic does not exist in the devils abide....
one day becomes the next.......until every penny is gone....the tireness sets in........what have i done wrong.........
my brain now acknowledges its failure to be in control.........and now the hardship of lost sleep, finding the ways to get the funds to correct the mistake.......and the feeling of dread.........as i vainly head off to bed....sleep don't come easy for the one whom is fooled by his own grey matter.........time after time.
was it me or my brain who commited the crime.....to most it sounds absurd ...that i was but a puppet to the ecu i wish i knew....
(THE FUTURE - BY LEST-WE-FORGET)
it is to be seen..........................
Thanks and yours are thought provovoking I forgot how much I like to write poems and such here's an early little one
I dreamt the world was free,no more gambling not even for me,
The tvs didn't blight of riches and golds
Of wealthy treasure they did not hold
Replaced was laughter,fields of green,trips to take, you know what I mean
wages earnt,were there for treats,
an ideal world was all in reach.
you certainly know how to write them well my dear tt1980...
Another excellent addition
The adverts, in view every where,
each and every time i take a chair,
is there surely not nowhere,
to hide and avoid the hypnotic pull,
if i could, i'd obliterate them all,
and so i take a new approach,
avoid tv and its encroach,
from dusk till dawn all i can safely do,
is work or watch dvds and netfliks too.
But even on the way, to my break, the sign posts state ...come on in and play to win a jackpot or two....
so i run and hide from every inch or advertisings evil rinse...
i wash my hands to every word and every catch....
the promotions are not for me....
the wagering requirement as bold as brass....
i say gambling go kiss my.... # # # #.
not one of us would be able to bank it all.......
the queen herself would struggle, to...make it prof...it...able.
thanks Wayne for this feed I love reading your work and it's good to be able to write too :0)
today will be gamble free I see upon the feeds
Learning its an addiction and not a rooted need
inspiring story's, barriers to place
no longer believing were all wastes of space,
Confidences they grow,
banter to and fro
support in bountiful supply
no need no longer to have to lie
A day at a time , they soon add up
keeping in deffinate regular touch
for here always your not alone
for everyone similar has there cash blown.
My mom I watched her sit and cry,
I didnt understand I didn't know why?
Today we had so much fun,
I kept wondering when we'd be done
I watched her laugh, I watched her play,
We was in that place so long all day! !
The lights where bright,
the sound surreal
as I watched them spin and spin those wheels
"mum can we go" I heard me say
"Just five more minutes now go and play,
I sat on the chair my legs they dangled
mum was starting to look like shed been strangled.
Her face was bleak as she took my hand,
walking so slowly it was cold I didn't understand
her body it shook as tears they fell
why oh why what had caused this hell
"Don't cry mummy itl be ok" as I smiled and I hugged her leg
little knowing next I would have to go beg
go to the neighbour ask for a few quid my mother said
all to go and buy some bread!
I'm hungry tonight, I don't know why so,
when I saw my mummy this morning she had money to blow,
My mother I sat and watched her cry I didn't know then I didn't know why
but I do know now I do know why as the same stupid things do make me sigh!!
Day seven today a little relief
at first how I'd manage was with disbelief
today on the challenge they talked about stages
steps to be taken to not lose your wages
each one of them true in all kinds of sense
no longer just sitting on that lonely fence
first step to recover acknowledge the problem....check
Barriers to place... what a pain in the neck
abstain and maintain I think that comes next
oh hang on a minute I just got a text
so where was I now oh yes... a day at a time
now abelievable goal my wage will be mine
so riches and golds are all within reach
not in the pockets of casinos no more
my bank will be pleased no longer so low :0)
Dear tt1980
You have such true poetry,
Your words masterfully lain,
each sylable pure, not plain,
an artist whom has lived,
each harrowing bridge,
living deep within the mire,
each day wanting to retire,
yet now we draw but strength,
blow hammer and apply such wrench,
to manually apply and process,
what undone us so immense,
till as a pact, we can deny,
the gamblings evil transpire.
Awww thanks Wayne I love it, here's one for you
Through a thread that was made by Wayne
an artistic thread to abstain and maintain
to write in rhyme with sense and reason
to bottle it up now that would be treason
I read his words of joy and woe
each one it does sink in
he's doing well 43 days so
now Wayne that really is a way to go
Inspired by your thread
and all the things you've said
can only just say thank you
your helping me from staying blue
With pleasure tt1980,
your kind words and poetry are such treasure,
Lest we never forget,
the after effects and pure regrets,
this forum, may it save us all,
now is no time to stall,
worst things can happen,
but together we won't fall.
Together we finally..... stand tall.
The 2015 challenge is my next goal to tick each day and have all, 365 is the next goal....no easy ride but join me as passengers enlighten the ride and together we change the tide. x
Addiction
What is addiction people ask
is it the devil in a mask??
What is addiction people dismay
Is it the urge to get through the day??
What causes addiction I hear you say
is it depression?loneliness and fright??
Is it being scared of the shadow of the night??
How do I quit the addict crys
what steps do I take to resist the urge And lies??
Who can I turn to won't they think it's absurd??
Won't they just think I'm a big t**d??
Were will I find addicts like me??
ones that may help and make me see??
You've come to the right place the councillor soothes
doing the right things your making the right moves
a day at a time for it won't go away
I'm afraid this is a battle youll be fighting everyday...
The comments so true,
the battle goes on,
each day that we win, another comes along,
how on earth i ask, do we keep strong?
somedays no shadow of doubt,
not a single fear,
others more nucular and not so clear,
the front line can't be taken,
the barricades in place,
for its a day at a time, to truly win such a race.
comrades don't fall behind, keep up the pace.
There will be no white flag, for together we're strong,
The demons can be beaten, our souls will live on!!
tt1980 hope your ok and your recovery still strong?
Missing your poetry.....come back soon 🙂
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