back again

Thanks dp and Hollie for ure kind posts. Tell me about the bank balance. Was a bit surreal today. I was driving past bookies and wasn't interested. I know it's early days but I am of the opinion we will only ever beat this if we utilise self control. Mine is very low. I must have a level at say 30 per cent. My head is jus above water. I need to raise it to 99.9. At the moment I am getting there. Back to work tomorro so shouldn't be a problem. In fact work is heavy for next 21 days. 42 days should be here soon enough.

Anyway. Bed now. Up early for some ashes.

A.n.d

A.N.D

Your right about the self control bit, very difficult hwoever isn't it ? difefrent things brings on the need to gamble again ! strangely when we are under financial pressure we feel we could gamble and win to ease the situation, reality is however we often get into further debt ! then there is the situation when you have some extra cash and you think, oh well it will be ok to have a small bet a BOOOM ! problems again ! ony solution is to stop completely, no more sleepness nights and the great feeling of being calm !

Have a great weekend matey & thanks for your continued support.

D.P

23 days in. Payday has been and gone. Another Saturday but working so no thoughts of gambling today. Hope everyone has a stress free gamble weekend.

I know I can't win as I can't stop.

A.n.d

So. Into a new week. Massive urges over the weekend bit managed to hold back. Funny when the cash is in the bank the urges hit me. Glad I closed all my accounts. All bills have been paid so it's my money now. Still got two payday loans to settle this month but it's less than it was ladt month.

A.n.d

A day short of a 28 days. Close to a full calendar month. Funds are tight with Xmas. Birthdays. Paying last months losses back to where it should of gone. The good thing is though I can see the lights for the trees. Next payday I should be able to clear my payday loans. Then start paying back other debts that I have accrued. Some good overtime pay to come in. Then I will get on the monster of my bigger debt. I can do this.

I did have massive urges last week so must really get the blockers sorted.

A.n.d

unbelievably but true. another week on the road to recovery. posted a few threads on others threads.

my heads bloody rubbish. but must be someone that says u r getting close to the edge best stop. not whilst on those fobt. i just spin, spin, spin. start at 5 quid then 20quid, then 50 quid and wow bam 100 quid a spin every 20 seconds.

i had a binge some saturdays ago. 600 quid down. at one point. but i was in the bookies i am self excluded from for 3.5 hrs. doing 100 quid spins. work the math out. i bet i spun near on 100k. w*f.

on a computer game. i walked out 50quid down. thats the problem with us gamblers. i wouldnt leave as i thought i could get it back. i did. then when i chased again i lost it and some more. then i lost some more and more again. thats y some 5 weeks ago i hit my rock bottom. nowhere to go. no one to turn to. i am back from work and rather than looking at winning some cash on the next certainty i am reading and writing here.

i will never get that money back

but i can be a better person and use my time in a better way.

hope u all have a gamble free weekend,

]=. i will

a.n.d

Hi pal, thanks for your post on my diary.

Don't worry I haven't gone back to the dark side, the clock is still counting but I have just been feeling very low in myself this week. Day 30 for me today, I think you're one day behind me right? I am reading other peoples posts everyday even when not posting and I am attending my counselling sessions still but just feel like progress is very slow.

Reading your last diary entry and the situation with the FOBT reminds me a lot of my last blackjack session in mid- october when I finally hit rock bottom. I was playing £50-£100 hands and completely lost the plot. Not my worst losses ever but definitely my most painful night in terms of the way that it all happened and then the subsequent fallout from that situation... the next few days it felt like I was dying! Not going back there again.

Have a good weekend anyway, you'll be a month down by monday!

nat

Natman

Thanks for the post. Yep my last day was the 29/10. It still hurts like hell that day. Don't wanna go there again. My life is starting to feel slightly normal again. No gambling. No stress of gambling. Got stress of low money this month. Typical. With Xmas coming. I have more than I would of had if I were gambling.

My last week after my payday consisted of. Being paid. Staking 900 in bookies. Coming out with 800. Was 900 down. Paying off a bill of 300 then losing the 500 quid. Getting a footy bet up for 300. Then a 66/1 winner for 120. Them winning 200 on online slots. Then losing 900 in my last binge. Anyone would know that the highs and lows with these is not good for us. I can manage my footy and online poker and have never lost massively. It's the fobt.

Fkn things.

Anyway that's it's for today.

Today I will not gamble.

A.n.d

Hi A.N.D

Good to see your keeping strong and i can cetainly understand those highs and lows as a gambler, ridiculous thing is that most gamblers forget about their previous losses its all about that current winning ! Totall crazy, all logic goes out the window with gambling.

Stay atrong my friend, there is a better life waiting for us out there.

Dark Place

Thanks dp. I must say life ain't easy at the mo with still recovering from the last blow out. I cannot go back to those times. I owe money everywhere but can get my head above water when next paid. Last months was consolidation this month is attack. I can only do this by staying away from the gambling.

Days are adding up nicely now and I enjoy telling my mates I ain't gambled for over a month. It refreshes me. My mind can stay easy. I can sleep easier.

Gotta stay at this level.

Gotta keep posting

Together we r strong.

Divides we fall

All the best folks.

A.n.d

5 weeks today I sat in despair not knowing how I was going to get outta the mess I was in. I scrambled my way thru and I now sit a little more content with my lot. Still payday loans hanging over me and a few other debts I need to sort then I will be addressing the real mess of all my debts.

I was at my rock bottom. I was working extra to pay debts caused by my addiction and seeing nothing for it. That cycle has stopped. 480 to pay back next payday and they need not be used again. I paid 700 back last month. They are the evil that feed us addicts. It is not the first time I fkd up with them either so I know exactly how they work.

It really doesn't matter when u have done ure load in the bookies.

Thanks for reading everyone.

A.n.d

Hi a.n.d.,

I remember being at that complete rock bottom with no money at all situation a few years ago. I also remember working almost all the hours I could take at work, but relapses meant that I was also getting nowhere. By taking charge now, you will see in the months to come that it will get easier, just chin up and still go at them as hard as you can. I don't need to tell you that the payday loans are absolute nightmares to beat because of the high interest rates.

Debt also adds to the feelings of being down, so try and keep your goals in sight and maybe think of a little reward once you get them out of the way, because its easy to feel like there's no end in sight with debt.

All the best,

Ryan

Thanks for the kind words Ryan. They are appreciated. I do have a few treats lined up when inextricably get paid. It's looking more promising than where I was a few weeks back.

A.n.d