The last time I posted on here was on the 14-08-16 on the thread https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/i-need-stop-i-destroy-myself-and-everything-around-about-me
A lot has happened since my last post which I admit I blamed everyone bar myself about my gambling addiction. I have managed to stop gambling for short periods between 17-18 but I have relapsed several times and can't seem to stay gambling free for more than 4-5 months. Currently I have relapsed and this started in July and after being on a rollercoaster ride of winning -losing -winning - losing I've decided I've had enough. A sign yesterday was when my local bookmakers were closed that I should have went home and kept what money I had until the bank opened. But even this wouldn't have stopped me as I am a complusive gambler and I would just take out the money several days later.
After losing all the money I've decided I've had enough.....insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results! So after a sleepless night I have decided to stop going back to the bookmakers to play the FOBT like a addict needing his next fix.
I've read the success stories on the forum and Mike's thread https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/25-years-one-day-time has inspired me.
MONEY - I have decided now to contact my bank and ask for my daily withdrawal limit to be reduced. I will leave my bank card at home and will use Apple Pay when I need to buy things as I will have my phone. I will also transfer enough money onto another card which I use for daily living expenses/fuel but not enough to gamble with.
DEBTS - The only debts I have are with 2 credit cards and I have decided to pay more than the minimum if I can with what money I have left over from the previous month. I will try not to withdraw any money out of these cards but instead only use them for emergencies.
TIME - I pay for a gym membership which I haven't used since 4-5 months ago also at this time I have been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I need to exercise more and I neglected this these last 3 months. I also need to start my hobby of photography again and I also neglected this when I was gambling.
DAILY PROGRAM - Mike advises people to have a daily program and I think I will try to do it as any free time could lead me to gamble.
GAMBLING THERAPY/PRECAUTIONS - I have been seeing a counsellor arranged by GAMCARE and my next appointment is next week though it has been sporadic. I need to look at why I have started gambling again and I don't know the answer.... Previously I would win lose lose and stop. But these last few months its been a rollercoaster ride of wining - losing- winning -losing and eventually when I lose it all. I have contacted SELF EXCLUSION and I have asked them to ban me from all the local bookmakers in my area. Hopefully this will help as I have self excluded from my local CASINO and ARCADE and I have been refused entry several times. I know it's not perfect but I need to try but the last time I contacted them was in 2016 but I never completed the form or submitted the photographic ID. Perhaps on the back of my mind it was a back door to get back into gambling. I also need to stop myself watching videos of people playing FOBT slots as well thinking it's harmless when it fact it could trigger a relapse.
My aim is to try and be gambling free til 31st of December 2018 and then after this milestone I want to try and aim for a full 12 months after this. I've blamed a lot of people for a lot of things which may have or not have contributed to my gambling addiction but I need to admit that overall it is ultimately down to me whether I gamble or not. Today I have decided not to take the rollercoaster ride of cheap thrills and stay gambling free.
The problem with Apple Pay mate is you can use it as a cash card in the betting shop. I have done it myself thinking I’m save with Apple Pay but you ain’t because all I did was keep going back to the counter using my phone to put £30 a time on fobt.
Thanks Boro I'll keep that in mind.
My main problem is that I use my main card at the counter or withdraw my limit each time from the cash machine. By leaving this card at home and also self excluding hopefully I will be able to stay gambling free. I'll update on here and let you know how it goes.
Day 2 of being gambling free and last night I submitted a copy of my colour passport and a photograph to self exclude myself from all the bookmakers in my area. Today I got a email back to say that the self exclusion will be processed within 10 days. Also decided to sort out my debts out and will be arranging to balance transfer one of my credit cards to a 0% one.
Didn't feel the need to gamble but am wary that any slip up will result in more losses...got an appointment to see the counsellor in 2 weeks time. Feeling confident that I can beat this addiction...
Haven't had time to update on here but things have been going well so far until recently.
I self excluded from the bookmakers and haven't had the urge to gamble and I managed to stay clean for 55 days. Unfortunately I relapsed when I was at a leaving night out for colleagues. I managed to stay away from paying the fruit machine in the pub until when I had a few I couldn't resist putting a few quid into it. I won the jackpot of £100 and then proceeded to lose that and a further £85 and only stopped when the pub shut. The next day I felt really bad that I succumbed again but I decided to play the machine again to see whether I could win the jackpot? Unfortunately lost another £10-20 and decided that was enough and decided to walk away. I told myself it was luck that the machine paid out and that it could take more money before it could pay out the jackpot again.
It has been 9 days now since I last gambled and I haven't had the urge since to gamble.
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