Back from the Brink

And I inch my way forward to pay day. Relief in that it means I can settle my tax bill and pay a big chunk on 1 Credit card, the remainder of which will be paid next month. Need to be 100% on my guard for obvious reasons though.

Day 28

Nearly a month gamble free with money in the bank, and possibly a chance to get CC debt down by nearly 10% by the end of the month, and then the possibility of knocking another 10% off the CC debt next month.

But, my mood is anything but good at the moment. The last few days I’ve had a real awakening of the senses, and I’m starting to look at what I’ve done through the eyes that are not clouded by gambling thoughts. It’s time to grow up, and fix this.

Hi Michael

I am in a similar position. I’m not gambling, starting to pay off debts but 23 days since I stopped my mood is also bad, disappointment with how I found myself in this position. I think it’s part of the recovery process. Let’s move forward, slowly and surely. It’s the only way.

Day 29

Busy today at work which is a good thing, but feeling down. Not sure whether it's the culmination of a few things. I've worked my **** off during the last 6 months of overtime to drive this debt down, and yes, I've managed to knock of around 5K, which is great, but could/should have been so much more than that - and that's drawing to a close now, so feels very much like an opportunity missed. So there's a bit of that. I'm also feeling pretty tired in general, so some of that as well. But, again, the realisation of what I've done. In 10 days time marks the 10th anniversairy of when I first admitted the problem, and vowed to put it right. It should have been done and dusted right then, and by now, all the debt would have been paid and I would have got back on with life and if I knew then what I know now, then I'd make d**n sure I did. But no, 10yrs on and I'm still fighting and that at times is a crushing feeling.
I've been here many times before, and I know that things will get better, as long as I stay clear of gambling, the days, then weeks, then years will rack up, the financial burden will reduce a little each month and I'll start enjoying life again.
I look at the people around me at work, the same faces I see every day and who I've worked with for many years, who knew me pre-gambling days. None of them know of my past, and to them I'm the usual happy-go-lucky colleague, but underneath I'm anything but.
I can't feel this low forever and I have to trust that I'll start feeling better in the days and weeks ahead.

I think u need to call step change, with ten credit cards and interest coming up if I was u id try to freeze the interest as if u manage to freeze it think how much quicker ill be able to pay ig off. Good luck mate.

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Just checking in as the GF days rack up. StepChange is an option and worth consideration. However, my CC debt should reduce by 10% this month and then another 10% next month and a possibility of another 10% the month after. I’ll be off the high interest CC’s by then, also had my first 0% BT offer in months. Financially things are very much looking up, and for the first time in a while, light at the of the tunnel.

Any debt that is being reduced is good. Very good, in fact.

Keep up with the good work.

NT

10 years since I admitted to my family that I had a gambling problem. Should have been put to bed there and then. But the door was left slightly open and that’s all it needed. 10yrs on and the fight goes on, but one thing that I promise myself today is that this war will be won - by hook or by crook, doesn’t matter, I will win this battle.

Made some positive steps today self excluding from everywhere. I have some pending withdrawals that need to come through before I register with Gamstop because I’m concerned that the casino will cancel the withdrawal if i self exclude. The debt I can get out of, although it’ll take many years. I’ve been living a lie during the last 2 years. Like a drug, gambling has controlled my state of mind over the these 2 years - Moody after a bad loss, happy-go-lucky after a big win. The last straw was a £3000 loss, which I recouped then lost again, the last loss with 11 consecutive £100 Blackjack hand losses - ludicrous. £3000 I can earn back and not a huge amount in the grand scheme. But as the trigger to rid myself of this once and for all, then perversely, it’s money well spent - a cheap divorce bill if you like.

Day 3

Feeling weirdly euphoric today - is this normal considering what I’ve been through ? Think it’s because I’ve realised at all levels how futile gambling is - and putting the extra blocks in place means I can’t even contemplate Gambling again. I’m starting to remember a time before gambling and everything good that went with that which was 10yrs ago. Out of the last 10yrs I’d estimate I’ve had gamble free periods totalling around 7yrs - so really around 3yrs of my life wasted. Akin to an expensive and failed 3yr business venture. The losses are recoupable in time with some hard work and some huge life lessons learned on the way.

10 years from now I will look back on my diary and realise that this was a blip (albeit a very large one) with the ensuing recovery something to look back on with immense pride. Here’s to a 100% gamble free future.

Full of energy yesterday. Have a few ideas / projects which I’d like to explore over the coming weeks which I’m going to devote my time to. I’m not going to allow myself a minutes “dead time” to sit and mope around because there’s a lot of good stuff I could be doing.

Day 4

On the subject of finances, which is never far from my mind, despite gambling on and off for 12months now, I’m actually in considerably better financial shape than this time last year so at least thankful for that. Meanwhile, anxiously waiting for the final withdrawal to hit my credit card before self excluding and registering with Gamstop. Why does it take so ******* long ?? I desperately need to close this loop now.

I'm 20 years old and in £7000 debt. Just signed up to a debt management plan which will help me pay it off within 2 years. I'm trying my best to take advice on, keep on fighting, I wish you the best

Day 5

Thanks Unknown, good luck with your recovery and check your diary for some “words of wisdom” from me. One thing that has struck me is your only 20yrs old - it’s quite sobering to think you’re only a few years older than my own son. One thing I’ve often thought about are whether we are born with these obsessive traits that put us at risk to developing CG tendencies, or whether it’s in all of us and with the right stimulus, (like winning £250 from a £10 stake) we get snared and the cycle begins.

Thinking back to the pre-gamble days I can remember I was pretty obsessive over money. For instance, I used to invest money on the stock market, not doing any research and punting my money on risky investments. The best one was thinking Northern Rock would bounce back, that cost me £1000.

But all through life, I’ve obsessed over stuff, from the utterly meaningless, to the risky and the ludicrous. I have an extremely low boredom threshold, flit from task to task never finishing anything, I can’t sit still for 5mins, can’t concentrate on anything for more than 10mins, feel the need to constantly joke on and loon about, find small talk excruciatingly dull, and I have real problems letting stuff go.

I guess the point of all of this waffle is, and not wanting to sound like I’m making excuses, is that is my mind wired in such a way that I’m more vulnerable to gambling tendencies than Joe Public - who’s probably a little more level headed and less obsessive than me ?

Also, getting to my second point, I’m starting to see a little bit of this in both my kids which is starting to make me shudder, and particularly in my son, who is starting to obsess over money and other stuff. I’m currently passing this off as a “teenage thing”, but I’m starting to see some the the exact same traits in him as I had at that age. How much of a concern should this be ?

Day 6

Another day passes and the gambling haze lifts a little bit more. Self excluded from everywhere now. Will sign up to Gamstop first thing in the morning.

On the subject of finances, another credit card should bite the dust this month. The other 8 I’ll gradually pay off over the next few years. Decided that I’m not going to stress myself too much about this, as long as the debt reduces that’s good enough for me. It did dawn on me recently that if I can at least keep on top of the debt for the next 5-6 years, then I’ll be very close to being able to draw on a fairly substantial pension pot. That’s for the future, and something to keep in the back pocket. Obviously this could be completely derailed by you-know-what but self excluded and signing up with Gamstop will make this impossible anyway.

But for the time being, gambling thoughts are a million miles away.