Back from the Brink

A truly inspiring and humbling post!  Well done on your achievement Michael35 and thank you for sharing and giving others HOPE. 

Long may you continue your Recovery Journey - One Day At A Time 

Best

Amanda

Forum Admin

Day 1423

Typically right on cue, I’m back into some difficult financial situations which I need to overcome over the next few weeks. It’s quite likely that everything will be OK, but I have 6 challenges awaiting me over the next 5 weeks. Plain sailing for around 3 years then “wallop” - issues to overcome. If I make it to April unscathed, then the rest of the year should be plain sailing towards paying off Credit cards by early 2024 which is uncharted territory for me.

Day 1534

No gambling for 4 years, a significant portion of the owed debt now paid off, a huge effort and on-going day-to-day challenge. But just as I thought I was getting somewhere back to normality, I'm getting hit with pressures from all angles again - loss of overtime, dreadful pay rises, access to significant bank funds which would have pretty much paid the remaining CC debt has been cut, kids Uni fees to pay, rising interest costs, 0% CC deals coming to an end, and of course, rising costs pretty much everywhere else. I also find myself working 50+ hrs a week with some significant work challenges ahead + trying to maintain a side hustle to bring in the extra income to at least keep on top of things. Just trying to ride out this storm, but once again, after all of these years of scrimping and scraping, I can't believe I'm back under this sort of pressure once again. That said, me and pretty much the rest of the country - will this ever end?

Posted by: @michael35

Day 1534

No gambling for 4 years, a significant portion of the owed debt now paid off, a huge effort and on-going day-to-day challenge. But just as I thought I was getting somewhere back to normality, I'm getting hit with pressures from all angles again - loss of overtime, dreadful pay rises, access to significant bank funds which would have pretty much paid the remaining CC debt has been cut, kids Uni fees to pay, rising interest costs, 0% CC deals coming to an end, and of course, rising costs pretty much everywhere else. I also find myself working 50+ hrs a week with some significant work challenges ahead + trying to maintain a side hustle to bring in the extra income to at least keep on top of things. Just trying to ride out this storm, but once again, after all of these years of scrimping and scraping, I can't believe I'm back under this sort of pressure once again. That said, me and pretty much the rest of the country - will this ever end?

Most of these are normal problems faced by us all - our problem, our main and significant problem is keeping away from gambling. The time wasted has gone and the thousands we have lost is gone and neither are coming back; I guess we both understand and accept that.

Just a little preaching if you don't mind, it might not be a bad idea to redo all your blocks even if they havent run out yet. Just do it as I found it helps me enormously and reinvigorates and gives me strength.

Also, pick out a couple of posts on here that sound familiar to you 4, 5, 6, 7yrs ago and tell them bluntly how bad its going to get unless they do something about it. It helps me doing that although I do get frustrated with some peoples absolute 'stupidity' even though I was just as stupid myself. We have all been stupid I guess...

Good luck mate

Mick

Day 1694

The last bet was over 4 years ago, but the repercussions of my foolish acts continue to be felt today. I thought I'd be past this by now, but a life of quiet desperation continues to be acutely felt.

Stuck in an awful, all-consuming, desperately stressful job which I'm trying so hard to build an escape tunnel from. The job was forced upon me during a failed organizational restructuring exercise, although others were shown the door, so I'm thankful to at least retain a role. I've given this job a good 12 months, and it's been incredibly tough with many many long hours, but I still hate it. I earn decent money, and I need it to keep heads over water and that's what's stopping my escape. Bills, and increasing interest on mortgage and debt payments - it was all so easy 2 years ago with debts melting away, but now stuck in a desperately frustrating holding pattern.

If I move, I'm almost certainly going to need to take a pay cut and something will have to give, but if I continue the way I am now, my health will suffer. I don't want to speak to my manager about it as he is not the understanding type, more of the "sacking" type.

Gambling is not the way out, and I know that - in fact it's never even crossed my mind.

But Gambling has put me in this situation that's for sure and I'm paying the price every single day.

Every morning I wake up and pull myself together for another day of long, meaningless meetings, b******g managers, idiotic requests, multiple escalations and long hours. I'm now well into my 50's, but it's sometimes hard to understand how a seemingly innocuous act of placing 1 bet when I was 37 yrs old, has led to all of this, and remains the cause of most of the stress and anger I feel today.

I guess there's only 1 thing to do, and that's to keep moving forward - and if I'm going to get anything out of the loathsome job, at least I'll try and do it all guns blazing. Meanwhile I'll keep searching for employment elsewhere.

Day 1695

So, another day and another kick-in the n*ts. More piled up on the plate - work and home life - favours, asks, pressure. Why do people shirk so much? Everything is earned and earned the hard way. That's life in a nutshell - nothing is easy. Into work tomorrow, back-to-back meetings, all guns blazing - f**k them, start to tell people to s*d off if I need to, past the point of caring now. Looking after number 1.

Day 1697

Another day, and yet another kick in the n*ts - that's for sure. The evidence is that my employer has acted in a deplorable manner and it's everywhere I turn at work. Not just a victim of circumstance but circumstance on top of circumstance. None of this has been my own doing, just unfortunate - wrong place, wrong time - the perfect storm. Huge effort to reverse out of the situation I find myself in, but all routes seem blocked - whilst others just look on. I finished gambling 5 years ago for good, but that losing hand has just continued on, despite my best efforts, it would be nice, just for once in my sorry working life, for something to actually go right.

Needless to say I am hugely frustrated, P*****d off, you name it, I'm feeling it. I need this job because the money is good, and I'm now at the end of my tether.

Day 1700

I've been fortunate to be in full-time work for 30 years now, but without a doubt, that is the most bizarre week of my working life, from complete anguish at the beginning of the week to end the week with a huge announcement that now well and truly throws the cat amongst the pigeons. I can't believe this has all happened during the past 5 days - worry, concern, opportunity, excitement. Twists and turns, but this needs to work for me. The next few weeks will be crucial.

What strikes me from this thread is why have you not self-excluded? How come your phone or laptop still allows you to gamble?

Why have you not put the blockers in place (that I have) that stop you from gambling? Blockers in IT, blockers on Debit Cards, blockers in bookies (MOSES) and self excluded online from all gambling?

Its only a start but why haven't you done it? And ring Gamcare and they will tell you what you have missed and explain how to get it done.

Mick

What strikes me from this thread is why have you not self-excluded? How come your phone or laptop still allows you to gamble?

Why have you not put the blockers in place (that I have) that stop you from gambling? Blockers in IT, blockers on Debit Cards, blockers in bookies (MOSES) and self excluded online from all gambling?

Its only a start but why haven't you done it? And ring Gamcare and they will tell you what you have missed and explain how to get it done.

Mick

Day 2301

Gamble-free yes, but there is not a day goes by that I don't regret winning £200 for that 1 £5 bet all those years ago - Sep 2008. Even when I was £1000, £2000, £5000 or even £10000 down I could have stopped - end of story. But I dug myself a hole which was so big, mentally and financially, it's one that I'm still climbing out of today - 16yrs later. How many hours have I wasted, worrying and fretting, and how many hours have I worked to pay off the debt I've accrued. I've lost time precious time with my kids who are now adults, I've lost career opportunities because of fatigue and lack of focus and I've lost confidence and self-esteem.

If only I'd switched off my computer on that day, life would have been so much different.

I sit here mid-fifties, over-worked and trapped in a job I hate, trying desperately to pay off debt, because retirement is the only way I have of escape from the 9-5, rueing missed opportunities and lost time I should have been enjoying.

Anyone reading this who has developed a gambling addiction, I implore you to stop, get blocks in place, switch off your phone or laptop, and go for a walk or something. I guarantee that if you do that quickly, then things will improve eventually - if you let it persist, then you create yourself a lifetime of burden, wasted time and missed opportunities.

Hi mate am on day 724 without a bet and i have come along way from being in debt to debt free i am proud off how far i have and i still have regrets has i did abstain from gambling previously however i wasent advised correctly my issue now it going to take me few years where i am actually comfortable asmy health has deteriorated and even though i have come to terms with my losses it going to take me while to rebuild i missed out on so much of life and nothing comes for free i wish i never relapsed late 2021 has i stopped getting support since then had many relapses ans got into debt i had to let my friends and family down has i never went on hoildays or did anything useful im thinking off going hoilday next year and just surprise my friends as i feel like a let down

Thank you for your very raw and honest diary. Firstly I want to say a massive well done! 2301 days gf is something I strive for. I am on day 296 after 20 years of gambling. Fortunately for me we have resources to pay off my debt (remortgage) and other than the mortgage am debt free. I can remember those days of struggling to find money to pay them, taking from Peter to pay Paul and so forth. A hideous way to live. 

Having a job you hate is truly awful, when managers are sub par it creates such an terrible and incredibly stressful working life. I dont have any wisdom on that but I do understand the stress and pressure you must be under. I hope that brighter days are ahead for you and that something changes for the better long before retirement.

Clover