Back once again for the renegade gambler...

Hi Ryan,

Thank you for your kind post! Good to hear you've had a good time away. 200km walking..man..that's really impressive! All i do is around 10miles a day (if working) & probs about 1mile on days off..lol.. tried to go for a run yesterday but ended up walking after first 800metres sprint..bahhh..if your mind is not into it then i suppose body is neither :-/

I hear what you're saying and thank you for your support. I know changes takes time. I guess i still am very impatient (main addicts issue huh). Learning each and every day - time will put everything in the right places ☺.

You're doing well and will achieve what you set your mind for! Gambling brings misery - recovery on the other hand - an opportunity to make things right again...you are on the right track.

Wish you well, keep looking after yourself

S x

Happy Friday guys, the weekend has arrived once again.

Been feeling a bit meh on my first week back from holidays, but overall still going strong, and today is apparently 50 days since my last bet. Wish it was much longer, but at least I'm back making progress on all fronts, and feeling pretty good about it on the whole. No real gambling temptations, a couple of small thoughts, but stamped those out quickly. The kind of "I could really do with a few thousand pounds" ..... to which the correct side of my brain replies .... "fine, but you won't get that by gambling"....thoughts.

First weekend back in the country though, so got to make sure I don't get complacent, and keep up those mental guards. Back to the reality of dealing with the consequences of gambling, so also have to keep a tight rein on the finances and can't really spend too much.

All the best for a good weekend 🙂

leedso wrote:

Happy Friday guys, the weekend has arrived once again.

Been feeling a bit meh on my first week back from holidays, but overall still going strong, and today is apparently 50 days since my last bet. Wish it was much longer, but at least I'm back making progress on all fronts, and feeling pretty good about it on the whole. No real gambling temptations, a couple of small thoughts, but stamped those out quickly. The kind of "I could really do with a few thousand pounds" ..... to which the correct side of my brain replies .... "fine, but you won't get that by gambling"....thoughts.

First weekend back in the country though, so got to make sure I don't get complacent, and keep up those mental guards. Back to the reality of dealing with the consequences of gambling, so also have to keep a tight rein on the finances and can't really spend too much.

All the best for a good weekend 🙂

keep being careful Ryan. Not easy at times this addiction, but then if it was, we'd all find it easy to stop.

Hi ya Ryan,

Thank you for your post the other day & sozz i didn't get bk to you quicker. The storm reached the peak this week & i kind of went on autopilot ..just doing my thing and trying to settle the mind.

New job..yeah..like every job i suppose. Everything new, new faces, procedures, expectations, time lines. Feel like a schoolgirl again lol.
Cannot say i like it there but here we go. The change was my main focus and i got what i preached for. Maybe in time i will feel more "homie" there. Feel like in London or something lol..people are different and every1 is zumming around like crazy..they know where they're going, me not yet lol..It's also an hour away from me so giving my lil four wheels a drive. That's the highlight of my days really lol..love love love music and it puts me at ease prior & after the shift! Comes with consequences tho, as feel v tired after the driving and sleeps still hard to find. Like last night...was listening to some trance on Radio1 and nearly passed out on the wheel but as soon as got in - couldn't sleep till 4am..It's not exactly day shift & i reach home around 01.10 but better than getting in the pit past 7am. :-/

Other stresses are here..such as house and all that. Feel like will have to snooze in a car soon lol but as we know, nothing comes easy so fight on i must!

Bahhh..ranting huh..hope you're ok & finding more peace with yourself every day..ya know, i planned to visit a shore for over a month now & since I'm off this weekend, i shall do so today! Will be thinking of you while soaking all the calm in...sea always helps to clear this head ☺

Hugs to you Ryan..thank you for your kind thoughts and touching the base. Loneliness has hit the roof also recently so am very pleased to see familiar faces around me.

Take care & stay safe

S x

So, the weekend is here again, and looking forward to two days of watching football, golf, boxing, American football, and maybe having a little beer or two along the way! Body feels achy though, as on Thursday did a cardio session and then played five-a-side for two hours, which is far more than this battered old body usually does! Feels good though, and still losing weight, so continuing to try and improve and strive for fitter and healthier as well as mentally developing and becoming stronger too by beating this addiction.

Nearly two months gamble free, and continuing to try and repay the latest batch of losses, and maybe consider trying to save for a deposit on a house. I can only achieve that by not succumbing to gambling. Get that through my thick head, and maybe there's a positive future there.

Hey well done Leedso on nearly two months gamble free. Think it's a good idea to have something in mind to focus on saving for like your house deposit 🙂 I'm focussing on nice Christmas presents for my family and friends this year and Christmas days/nights out, as every year for the past however many years I've always cancelled due to lack of funds, as usually gambled it all away! But not this year! Enjoy your weekend C x

Hey Ryan,

Good to see you in high spirits! Ohh that excercise huh. Yup, i did my running today and felt better afterwards! Cardio is my favourite.

Interesting music you like. Had a look yesterday and hardly know them bands..boo to me lol..I'm more "Top 40" chart listener but like all kind of music really. Singing with windows open is cool, esp if you carrying on when it stops unexpected lol.

Keep up good work and well done on two months. Listen, only you can stride forwards to your new future & you will get there. Nothing comes easy, work hard towards it - it will happen ☺...pattiieenncceeeee......

Have a good week and look after yourself

S x

Hi Leedso

Thanks for dropping by my diary & the words of support, encouragement.

Mo

The weekend arrives again, and time for me to get ready for some r&r....at least that was until family illness threw a curveball my way. So now I get a 140 mile round trip to see the parents, and to check out how they are going as the old boy got bad news, and now has a stock of Oxygen canisters. Looks like my mileage is going to be increasing, as he may not be able to do the long drives to take my mother to her hospital appointments.

Ah well, nothing to do but to adapt, take everything on the chin and make some more mix CDs of music I can sing along to for the car!

Still no gambling, and no real thoughts of gambling. 64 days since my latest bout of madness and idiocy, and the further away from it I get, the clearer I see that madness and idiocy is exactly what it was.

Hi Ryan,

Thank you for your kind post to me. Ohhh..so sad to read about recent changes in the family. Sending my best wishes and strength over!
If long drives looming over, i would urge you to use the advice you gave me. Have power naps between them and take extra care while driving. Changing weather as it's Autumn doesn't really help but just hope it stays on the dry side your way.

Keep looking after yourself and try & organise your days. Driving seems easy & relaxing, however it's the most tirening activity for human cause you always need to stay vigilant and focused.

Stay safe and keep posting.

Well done on your ongoing recovery journey - things will only get better with time ☺

Take care

S x

Thanks Sandra,

You're right about driving, but I've done too much over the years, and am an expert in snagging a power nap in the front seat. Plus my singing voice is loud, but terrible, and is out of tune enough to keep anyone awake!

Had a couple of little niggling thoughts today, probably just the stress of worrying about family stuff, but I'm not going to be letting that get the better of me.

Onwards, the only direction to go on this path, and soon enough I'll see the next milestone on the way.

Those temptations are weighing on me tonight....feel depressed and hollow as I try to get to grips with my dad's illness, and there's been several features on FOBTs in betting shops on TV tonight. Never even used one of those, but just seeing the images has sent my mind in that direction. I'm not going to be giving in on this one, but the temptations are definitely not fading with time, I'm just better equipped to deal with them right now. Ten weeks gamble free tomorrow, and I think I'm strong enough not to give this one in just yet.

Hope everyone isn't finding the same problem, maybe it was just in Wales that this has been on the TV.

Downhill to the weekend from here.

leedso wrote:

Those temptations are weighing on me tonight....feel depressed and hollow as I try to get to grips with my dad's illness, and there's been several features on FOBTs in betting shops on TV tonight. Never even used one of those, but just seeing the images has sent my mind in that direction. I'm not going to be giving in on this one, but the temptations are definitely not fading with time, I'm just better equipped to deal with them right now. Ten weeks gamble free tomorrow, and I think I'm strong enough not to give this one in just yet.

Hope everyone isn't finding the same problem, maybe it was just in Wales that this has been on the TV.

Downhill to the weekend from here.

I get its not easy sometimes leedso. Put in the barriers. Get some more counselling, GA, whatever. Even posting 3-4 times a day may give you that reminder 🙂

sending you some vertual hugs ((())) tri

Thanks ryan for the post and the honesty. Reading your words gave me a smile. thankyou for that

Tri x

Hi Ryan,

Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes in life everything gets overhelming, but as I've been told over and over gain - every situation has a solution! Never give up on giving up, you have strength to carry on and come out the other side. We all do & we all will get there!

Hugs - S x