Some level of normality starting to return - mum now has a carer in for a couple of hours four days a week, and this has seemed to make a difference. The unstable rollercoaster over Christmas was horrible, and couldn't focus on anything when I was away from home, but starting to be able to get back to work now. Diet not great, exercise more and eat less, and I might make some progress!
Not much to say really. Still plodding. Temptation sneaking in, as I would like to put a few bets on the Superbowl. But I know that i would only start with £2 here and there. And then the gravel would start to slither beneath my feet, and the slippery slope would begin. Then it would be a total loss of maybe £10-20. So to try and win this back, a few quick spins of video poker. Then I'm hundreds down. I may as well play on, and see if I can get back to even, I'll stop at a thousand if things continue to go south. And they do, but then where do you draw the line. Sometimes I can stop, sometimes I can't. But the best way not to see where my line would be drawn this time is not to put a bet on to start with. So that's what I'll do.
Well, I guess I knew this was coming based on the urges over the last few days. Today is once again Day 0. Need to get right back on the horse with all the stuff going on at the moment. Can't afford to let one slip become an avalanche.
Hi Ryan sorry your having a rough time of late, but lets nip this gambling in th bud, it's only going to make you feel much worse. Marching forwards, more positive, you know you can do this x
Come on leedso, back on the horse. Think I watch out for your diary as I'm also having turbulent time with my father, and Christmas was also a hellish roller coaster, so I have some idea of what you may be experiencing, the worry and stress it causes. Work out where you have gone wrong this time, and start again. Wishing you strength.
Ryan,
Keep fighting the good fight!
You are more than capable of that...please remember I'm here if you ever need a chat! I'm not on FB as much..only browsing now and again but feel free to touch the base ok!
Ps..i am sure i posted to you this morning :-/...w*f...i think i am loosing my marbles as nothing is here!
Stay strong - you're not alone dear soldier..a slip is a learning curve for us..has to be!..don't let it get to the slippery slope dear friend...i have faith in you & know you won't!
S x
Hi Ryan. Pick yourself up bud
And start smashing the day's In again. Don't let a slip ruin what you've achieved so far.
Keep fighting
& here I am to ride roughshod over all the well wishes with not even a thimbleful of tact or diplomacy...If you saw it coming, why the hell didn't you take evasive action? Wishing & hoping isn't enough for us Ryan & whilst it may make you forget for a while, you come out the other side of a binge with all the same problems you went into it with plus a side helping of guilt to go with any financial damage.
Don't do this to yourself, you have enough difficulties in your life already, don't kid yourself that you need a bet on the Super Bowl to put gambling back in the mix, get off the mountain & get some effective barriers & physical help. You've been here long enough to know the drill - ODAAT
What are you going to do differently next time you see it coming?
Ouch! Harsh but true..ladies are right Ryan, there must be different approach out there.
I am not there yet myself and obviously need a let out when my mind gets messed up.
It's painful to see people lapsing & knowing that that moment of madness can change all the beliefs and understanding instantly. Very nearly made stoopid decision myself yesterday...i did in a way - i went on demo for 5mins...see it coming? Maybe i do also. Maybe just not sure which addiction to concentrate the most on. Alcohol triggers gambling usually so i kind of know where to keep my eye on mainly.
Just please don't isolate! Post & rant away. I used my diary yesterday and it felt a little bit better. .i should do it more often...trying to look after myself and not to worry to much what others thinks..maybe progress ☺
I'm here, as always...if you need to talk please go ahead...don't isolate as that doesn't help Ryan!
Ps.....a journey to the h i l l s is often on my mind, maybe i shouldn't be as shy and suggest a hike some day ☺? ..fresh air, peaceful surroundings and freedom! Heaven for sure 😉
S x
All fair comments, and if I'm honest I don't really know is the answer. I guess there is a part of me that just wanted the solace of zoning out and not caring about everything else for a while. Maybe I just am not tough enough to beat this thing for good, and that cycles of not gambling with the occasional stumble is the best i can achieve. If I can't fix this part of me, how can I hope to fix the rest. Just feeling really negative.
I do know the drill though, back on that hoss. ODAAT - the issue of blocks is one that I admit has been my blindspot for too long. In my heart I know that I haven't put enough of those in place, because there is that part of me that wants the comfort of knowing I could have a gamble if I really, really want to. I guess now is time to review that particular piece of the puzzle.
Anyway, busy day at work, now off to the gym, and then on the road for a couple of hours up to mum's place. Roll on retirement!
Come on man, blocks in place. Not long ago you hit day 150!!
The blocks won't fix it Ryan, they are a safety net only, you know that! I'm out of touch with your diary but even if you have done it all before, surely it's time to consider help to address what's wrong in your head that a perfectly intelligent man would consider gambling a safety net? You have so much going on but you need to be kind to you & put yourself & your recovery 1st - ODAAT
Okay, software blocks in place on the computer. Hopefully this will help. Fixing myself might take longer. I was on the waiting list for CBT, after being diagnosed with cyclothemia a few years ago, but they never got in contact with me and I never chased it up. Will check in to see if counselling is included through my medical coverage.
Still back in the saddle, building up the days once again. Still holding together. Nowt much to add.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
