Back once again for the renegade gambler...

Pleased to see you here, did you check up about the counselling?

Hi Ryan,

KTF as Martin would say ☺

Little steps forward, commit & never stop fighting!

S x

Hey Ryan,

Just a fly by to see how you are getting on.

Hope you're staying safe and calm.
Have a good weekend!

S x

Hi Leeds0, just a quick reminder that Gamcare provide free gambling counselling. just give us a call on 0808 8020 133 if you want to find out more..

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Ryan.....

Just browsing through diaries & came over yours...looked at the counter :-/

You know where i am, please don't suffer in silence and remember that support is out there.

Be kind to you & never EVER give up!

S x

Well, in terms of that pesky counter, it is back at 0 again.

Problems breed problems, and in an honest reflection it hasn't been a great few months, and this came to a head last night. Had been clear a few months, but driving up to my mum's house, which i am currently trying to clear ready to be sold, my car gave up on me for the third time this year, and I once again get towed home on a truck.

I then get drunk, and lose a bunch of my savings. Because that makes everything better. I can't rely on software, I can't rely on preventative measures, I have to make the improvements in me otherwise this cycle goes on for another ten years or more.

That includes dealing with my drinking, which has become almost as self-destructive over recent months. Back on the horse boy, back on you go.

Hi Leedso,

Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time of it too.

To quote...

"I can't rely on software, I can't rely on preventative measures, I have to make the improvements in me otherwise this cycle goes on for another ten years or more.​"

I agree with you. What I have found in practice is that the more barriers I put up the more devious i become in finding away around them. As we all know, if we really want to gamble we will. Thats not to say that putting sensible measures in place is not a good idea, cos it is... but like you say... working on "self" is the priority.

Just by reading your last post I feel as if I am you "just 10 years on".. cos I think i am roughly that much older if my memory serves me correct. Strangely the only difference being the "drink". I haven't had a drink for months. Ive completely lost the habit, probably cos ive been gambling. I guess something to keep an eye on going forward... gamble free!!

Am waffling, sorry about that... but your in my thoughts mate..I think we can both improve our lives going forward.

Hi Ryan

Such a shame seeing you relapse. As a long term poster, I've always looked out for your posts.

You seem different from many, in that you have much more awareness of your problem, and you seem like a nice bloke. Yet, these qualities aren't stopping you from getting off the merry-go-round.

You really need to take committed action now. I'm out of touch with your diary. But I would look at a twin approach.

1. Directly address the addiction through GA and a radical embracement of the Steps programme. Alternatively, do some research and find a really good psych who can delve deep - yes, costs money, but surely less than the alternative (I don't think that 'lightweight' stuff like gamcare counselling will cut the mustard with you).

Even if you have reservations about the above, that's fine. It's about making a commitment - by making that commitment you are already giving yourself a massive head start.

2. Make life improvements and (re)connect with your values. The second, of the twin approach, is start taking committed action in pursuit of your values. First up, what are you values? You mention losing weight - this sounds like you value your health and well being. So take committed action there. You are clearly a family man (from memory you have had a difficult time recently). Many (probably all) addicts have problems connecting with others - whether this is family or friends. So maybe 'connecting with others' is another value. Can you start taking steps to be more sociable and slightly step outside of your comfort zone? You seem like a kind person - is there another value there. Can you start taking action in pursuit of kindness - by helping people. I might be wide of the mark - these are just thoughts popping into my head.

The benefit of this second approach is of course reducing the conditions in which addiction can thrive. If we are healthy, connecting well with others, connecting well with our values (whatever they are), then there's far less 'demand' for addiction. Oh yeah, and there's of course the added bonus that by living life according to your values, you are leading a rich and meaningful life. That's the really important thing here - it's about something bigger than addiction. Sometimes called 'actualisation' - it's about being the person you deep down want to be. You achieve this through 'doing'.

Final thing - when taking values based actions, it's REALLY important to do this in manageable steps. It's actually all about the process of making a commitment and sticking to it - no matter how small. Eg, don't run a marathon, take a walk first. At first you need to consciously make the effort to live according to values, which will probably involve some degree of stepping outside your comfort zone, but over time it becomes more second nature.

I know you probably know all this. I'm not usually this prescriptive in my advice. But I really feel your pain. I'm also proscratinating massively as I 'work from home'. So there you go.

Best

Louis

Hi Ryan,

Dear friend...so many miles walked with you on this journey...yet we are still struggling huh :-/

Louis post above is God send.. i am gonna save it in my folders as the approach can truly work if you work at it! I have tried many different routes to stop my addictions..so far none worked...however what Louis pointed out above makes much sense. It's own mindfulness and finding the values..

Get a picture of what you want from your future in front of you..work hard towards it..it pays off ☺

You kow where i am...PM me at any time!

Love, hugs

S x

Hi guys,

Thanks for the support - it is appreciated and if it was just down to support then I know the community on here would never see any of us gamble. Did a bit of freelance work today, and put a few books in the post, and didn't really over-do it. Tried not to ponder too much on the act, and think more about how I can move forward once more.

Louis - I have been thinking over your post - I think you have some very good suggestions. In terms of helping others and being sociable. I could never make time for those, but would always find time for a few beers? Strange that. However, some strong practical advice, thank you.

Day 1 draws to a close. Rebuild, first step back on the right track.

Okay, still on the straight and narrow - lots of work and stress from my mum's craziness. It can't end well, but it feels like I'm stuck and helpless down here.

Nowt much to report if I'm honest...just back on the straight and narrow in terms of gambling. Everything else still a little bit of a shambles, but muddling through as best I can, and making progress, possibly?

Hope you're still on the straight and narrow mate?

Hi Leedso, I am reading my life story on GamCare you know you were the first person to comment on my thread back in 2010. We have been through alot that we probably don't deserve. I hope you are well.