Back to square 1

Happy new year!!!!! This is the year I'm gamble free. Drunk but no urges at the mo, and I hope never to do it again. Xxx

Well finally admitted to my partner about this diary, and they totally disregarded it. Feel sad about that, like I'm alone

Never alone here girl, you know better than that.

Taking ya both had a few tonight and if ya told him about the diary here after a few ya may both not remember it in the morning. LOL Lol LOL

You have a good new years too and thinking all will feel better in the morning providing it ain't a head banger. LOL yeah enjoying a few myself and hope neither one of us deals with that come morning. LOL

Hi Nicki,

How are you getting on? Avoiding all those temptations?

Starting my day 5 today. So far so good. x

hi nicky and thanks for the post on my diary,

hope your doing well and still gamble free this year

gl

Day 4

No urges today. Having a very chilled day. Should be writing my dissertation but decided I wanted to spend it with the little one. So he is happily playing with his Lego whilst I get some much needed tidying done.

Having problems with the ex. He has stopped paying maintenance as he isn't getting his own way. I feel that the grief I get from him will never stop. Now need to go through csa but that will take up to 12 weeks. I said how do you expect me to pay for his after school club, but he feels that's for me to work so not his responsibility. Even though in reality it's for him to work as well. My son goes to many activities which cost me a lot but that's also nothing to do with him. Not sure when he will realise that him stopping the payments doesn't just effect me but also his child. Anyway rant over! Gonna try not let it get to me to much

Hope all is well and remaining gamble free for 2013

Nicki x

Just what you don't need Nicki! It's things like that that weaken your resolve and can send you back gambling ! Like you say don't let it get to you, stay strong.

Yep plenty of time to work on your dissertation, take the opportunity whilst it's there to spend time with your son.

I did a couple of OU post-grad modules a few years back and my assigned tutor was forever nagging me to spend strictly 2 hours a day, 6 days a week. I never did and crammed everything into a manic final 2-3 week period and passed OK. Not advising you do the same 🙂 but don't feel bad for not doing xyz amount of work on it daily, you'll be fine x

Day 5

I know das but unfortunately I think I'll be dealing with that man s**t until my son reaches 18 maybe even after :(.

Well my student loan is here the day I've been dreading. I can not afford to spend anything on gambling, so think I will give my card to the other half to stop me from doing anything. All though I do hate not having my card it makes me feel like I'm having my control taken away. Hope all is well.

Stay strong

Nicki x

Hi Nicki,

Sorry 2 hear that u r going thru a tough time atm, u r a strong person... well done 4 taking some positive steps with ur card!

U can do this!

Stay strong xx

Hi there, I am fairly new to this site but

I did identify with your feelings in your diary and thanks for sharing with us.

Many years ago I had similar problems with my ex and brought two children up with little or no help from him. Went back to uni a few years ago at age 56 so understand the pressures there too but did get a lot from the people I met there and the career it allowed me. Have used gambling to hide from problems for years and only makes things much worse so make use of anything you can, if your partner will help allow him to until you feels strong enough, just think if you were phsically ill you wouldn't think twice about accepting his help and it would not feel like losing your control.

Just my thoughts and you may disagree altogether but however you manage it the end result will be worth it so stay strong.

xxx

Hi Nicki,

Thank u 4 ur support on my diary, it means a lot 🙂

I hope u r ok 2day and staying strong 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xxxx

I feel for ya girl and been through all that cr-ap and sure does suck. Ain't his payments auto taken from his pay check? My ex works for a small company and good friends with the owner. so yeah he fu-ucked with them payments a lot. LOL yeah gotta say it was a relief giving up his payments cause at least I knew where I stood.money wise. LOL hope it all gets sorted out.

Hi Nicki

Keep strong girl I know you can do it in 2013 things will get better. I drop you an email later

Take care and stay strong and just for today I will not gamble

Hugh x

Day 11

Thanks everyone for your continued support. Not got alot of time to get on here at the moment, with placement and dissertation I'm so busy. 6800 words to go ughhh.

No urges to gamble although no card to use either, as it was cloned and someone tried to use it for £680! Thank god the bank noticed before it was swept away to Hong Kong. So got to wait till next week for a new card grrrr.

I hope everyone is well, and staying strong.

Take care

Nicki x