Back to Square One

DAY 16

Just checking in. I don't have much to say at the moment, but pleased to be still gamble-free.

DAY 17

Feeling good at the moment. Yesterday evening I dug out and set up an old games console of mine - the games i used to have long since gone, but I can pick up some bargains on *******. That should keep me entertained until the lighter nights return. I also started an eight-week 10k running plan which I got about four weeks into in a previous attempt before I succumbed to gambling again.

All in all, feeling really positive and not wanting to gamble in the slightest.

Last bet 12th January 2013

Well done on continuing with your non-gambling run, just two days behind me let's keep going, pleased to see you are keeping yourself busy/entertained

DAY 18

No gambling problems. Went for a run this morning which turned out to be a bit of a slog in this windy weather - but the signs are there that my fitness might be coming back. It needs to - I'm doing my first-ever half-marathon in June! Then I helped the girlfriend out in the kitchen as we prepared our lunches for the rest of the week. Simple things to keep my thoughts away from gambling.

Can't get complacent - that's been my downfall on three occasions since I began my first diary in October 2009, and each time the financial and emotional fall-out has got worse.

DAY 20

Another working week comes to an end. I've got a few things pencilled in for the weekend - but I don't think I'll be particularly 'busy'. However, it's all about doing things to fill the gambling void. I get very restless if I'm not doing something constructive and at weekends this is where gambling urges can creep in. Just going to take it a day at a time and keep going - that's all any of us can do!

DAY 22

Passed the three-week mark now. I must admit, I really fancied a bet yesterday afternoon. I was watching Soccer Saturday and it looked like a good day for the types of football bets I used to place. Anyway, I didn't have a bet and I won't be betting today. Prior to the gambling urges I actually paid off some debt and updated my spreadsheets. I think the fact that there is still so much debt made my efforts look somewhat futile, but I know this isn't the case. I need to be patient with regards my debts, and must never get complacent about my problems with gambling.

DAY 23

Must admit I'm struggling a bit. My general mood is low and although I don't want to gamble - there's a danger when I'm feeling like this that I'll just think f**k it and end up doing something stupid. Maybe I should leave my cash and cards at home when I'm feeling like this.

Hopefully, it will pass. It might just be that Monday morning feeling - who knows? Need to be strong today and show some fight.

No gambling today.

Thanks for your post Paul, I hope you are feeling better today be on guard keep up the good work

DAY 26

Still going strong! I can put my low mood in my last post down to Monday-morning blues... that's life. Not all negative emotion is related to past gambling actions or current debts.

Moving forward, slowly and steadily.

Last bet 12th January 2013

Well, my run of not gambling ended on Saturday night. I was out with friends and we ended up going to the casino. I knew all along that this was the plan but I didn't take any measures to prevent myself from gambling so I guess it was inevitable. Luckily, I didn't lose any money, but I was being pretty reckless - it could easily have gone very badly.

The important thing is that this is behind me now and since Saturday I haven't gambled anymore, nor had the inclination to. It's back to not gambling for me.

The trip to casino was very much a one-off - must be 5 or 6 years since we went there as a group, and no doubt there will be some trips to the horses planned during the summer. I will tackle these obstacles all in good time.

For now, it's all about waking up each day and choosing not to gamble.

Last bet Sat 9th Feb

It's been a week now since I gambled in the casino and importantly I haven't had a bet since. I knew exactly what I was doing last week - I was out with friends, drunk, in a casino and I wanted a punt like everyone else. Luckily no damage was done that night - but I'm very pleased with myself that I haven't had any urges since that night. It would have been easy to beat myself up about it and fall back into my old ways because I'd broken my non-gambling run.

I'm busying myself with other things now and I don't want to gamble! This is progress.

Not posting quite so much at the moment but just doing what's right for me.

Last gamble Sat 9th Feb

Well done Paul for getting right back on track. That's the bit to focus on which will really help you move forward again.

Feb.

Back on my diary after slowly getting drawn back into gambling, which came to a head this morning after losing a large amount.

Must try harder, I think. I successfully go for a few months without a bet and then get complacent and the small bets start again, which always, always lead to a big blow out in the end.

I need to approach my recovery with a different mindset. It's not good enough going 3 or 4 months without a bet, scrimping and saving, obsessing over debt repayment - to then think I'm 'cured' and can start the small bets again. The fact is if I don't gamble at all my debt will reduce, albeit slowly - but that's OK!

It's so frustrating being caught in this cycle. I know I can go a few months gamble free, get a chunk of debt paid off, but beyond that I'm uncertain. I think I need to stay close to this site at all times.

There's been no more reckless gambling since Saturday and I'm feeling determined.

I'm setting myself the goal of no more gambling in 2013. If I succeed my debt have reduced (obviously!) and I will set myself another big target, with a view to ridding myself of this problem for good.

I aren't counting days and I don't know how often I will post here - but this forum is an invaluable resource and intend to read often.

I've been proactive today and self-excluded from 4 online bookmakers. I'm pretty sure that's every one now closed. It feels good to be rid of them.

Last gambled Sat 4th May 2013