Back to Square One

Paul,

Thanks for posting on my diary, which is much appreciated. I have read through your diary and have noticed that you have experience of going long periods without gambling and therefore know what it takes and what is required to be successful in the short term. I am now on the second stage of my journey and must guard against complacency. At the beginning I used to worry non-stop about finances but I am not concerned about this as much anymore. I realise that by not gambling I don't actually spend very much money so my debt is reducing all the time. I wish you well in your recovery.

Tomso.

DAY 4

No gambling problems.

Quick post before I head off to work.

I need to try and concentrate more when I'm at work, which shouldn't be difficult because I won't be checking tips, odds and forms guides every 5 mins - nor betting on horses at my desk either.

(still) DAY 4

(still) No gambling problems.

Well, today has passed by without incident - all in all a normal day.

But I need to recognise the positives of a normal day...

I haven't gambled.

I haven't acted upon urges to do so.

I have done my best at work.

I haven't spent any money.

I have made a small dent in my debt, just by not gambling!

There might be some weekend work for me should I want it.

So, lots to be positive about, and plenty to look forward to.

Here's to another day like today, tomorrow.

Last gamble 20th April 2012

DAY 5

No gambling problems.

Another 'normal' day which is what I'm striving for really!

Had some quite strong urges to gamble as I was driving home, either on tonight's football or roulette. But then I asked myself what sum of money I'd be happy to win - and the answer is none! Even if I somehow won enough to pay all my debts, I'm certain that a few weeks down the line, I'd want more - a free night out, a free shopping trip etc etc and I'd end up back where I started!

So, I'm happy with another normal day.

Interestingly, I haven't spent a single penny since the roulette machine took my final £20 last Friday. It's encouraging that I can go this amount of time without spending any money but it's going to be hard to keep up.

There'a hobby I like to pursue on Tuesday night's but I'm not doing it this week as it costs me about £10 in petrol and other expenses. OK, I'm saving £10 but I think the reason I'm not doing it as by way of punishing myself, and I don't think that's very healthy. All being well, next week I'll be able to cut myself some slack and indulge in my hobby without feeling bad about the small amount of money it costs to do.

Hi Paul,

I am also in debt which I consider to be almost crippling, and though all of it is not due to gambling, gambling is the reason why I never have money.

Whilst not quite as thrifty as you, I have been surprised, these last 2 weeks, how little I can survive on, although smoking does not help... but one addiction at a time for me I'm afraid.

I have read lots of diaries on here, and one thing I think that is common to a lot of the "stayers" is that they do not punish themselves too much, and not only do they aim to solve their debt problems, but they also make sure that they treat themselves now and again.... I think that you should do the same.... especially if you have a hobby that you like... so I say go for it!....

Boredom is one of the things that caused this problem I have... I need a hobby.... something to put my energies into... so if you have one.. you should use it, it may help your recovery... it certainly won't make it worse.

Keep up the hard work... and stay strong

Jon

DAY 6

Woke up this morning after a good night's sleep with strong urges to bet. I'm home alone this morning and have access to my girlfriends laptop that doesn't have betfilter so the opportunity is there.

Instead, I came here and read a few diaries and the urge has passed for the time being.

I know from past experience that if I can get two or three weeks gamble free under my belt then these urges will go.

Once I get to that stage it really is a case of not getting complacent, which for me is the major difficulty. I'll start small with a couple of fun bets on the horses or football and before I know it I've lost £20 which I can't accept and will then chase on roulette losing hundreds in the process...

Anyway, here's to another gamble free day.

Last gamble 20th April 2012

pau011982,

mate you wrote it yourslef, if you start betting you ll end up chasing the losses on roulette.my addiction is only roulette.i can guarantee that even when i was winning , it was never enough to stop and go home.always loosing.whats the meaning of playing a game that we always loose?keep your money for other things more imprortant than gambling bills, debts, food, entertainent.

Hi paul, just a quick msg im in the same boat as u exactly what u have been through i went gamble free for ages then am right back to start i also had betfilter was great for a while and then same as u got round it by using my phone already spent £1000 this month. My addiction is slots and im constantly trying to win back the thousands ive lost . I cant tell partner either or parents or anyone.When i thought i was no longer a gambler i stopped coming on here. A big mistake for me i should have continued to post it is a lot of help and u get support here.

But stay strong mate. good luck. x

i totally agree with STOPchasing,

when i thought i was not a gambler anymore(i was 60 days bet free) then i RELAPSED.i m now on day 17 and lesson learnt now. I WILL ALWAYS BE A COMPULSIVE GAMBLGER and what i ll try to do is to stay off gambling once for all.my help tools are this forum and GA meetings.

take care mate and stay clean

Paul.... a very sobering diary. and I congratualte you on coming back and posting...

Did you ever self exclude? I resisited so long.. always saying I can do this on my own.. always giving excuses why I could gamble if I wanted to and exclusion wouldnt be worth it..... then one day I excluded from all the main bookies for the maximum length, all the casinos nationally for 5 years, on line sites too....

I can still gamble if I want to.of course I can... but I felt better.. and I needed a boost.. so much debt, worry, lies and negatives had the scales tipping... this small step was me giving the addiction a beating...

keep at it.. small goals and successes...

Thanks for the comments everyone.

time wasted - I am excluded from a lot of online bookies but just recently I opened some accounts with new ones - at this moment I haven't yet excluded from these.

I don't know why I haven't - it's maybe the realisation that whatever lengths you may go to to avoid a bet, there is always, always a way. So, I suppose it's kind of an added challenge to me. I'm determined not to let this decision come back to haunt me.

DAY 7

No gambling problems, and another no spend day yesterday.

Pay day tomorrow but that doesn't worry me because I have my budget in place and all the money is accounted for.

I'm walking a financial tightrope and I need to be very careful but things aren't quite as bad as they seemed when I was in gambling mode.

Best wishes to all

hi paul011982,

as it is payday tmrw for you, please be very careful, the danger is always there.try to pay bills etc and live the rest at your bank account.carry just a few quid for your expenses.i carry maximum 50 euros with me now.it has saved me the last 18 days i m clean.

hi Paul ... You doing well writing diary here and trying again regain control over your life. I m with you buddy. Keep strong and work on it with perseverance. All the best. Kristoff. Day 4 w/out gambling.

DAY 8

One week gamble free!

Pay day today, and I've already set about my plan of transferring money around to cover various debts so that I can save a few quid on interest.

Only a quick post this cos I've got to dash off to work. Might post again later.

Thanks for reading