Back to stay

Been a good gf day, off work due to the snow and had lovely sleep caught up now. I get up so early for work I’m constantly tired but had lovely sleep. Thoughts of gambling but no real urges. So good to still have money as normally I’d be broke feeling depressed and anxious because of gambling. 17 days tonight!

Having a wobble when will it get through my head that gambling’s absolutely no good whatsoever! I know the devastation yet still crave to throw my money away! Does my head in!

17 days thankfully I have to confess I put in a gambling website was going to sign up but K9 blocked the site altogether so reprieve but I don’t feel great bit like before because I maybe would have gambled:(

Probably would have been self excluded anyway so double the block but so don’t feel proud of myself

but at least you've come on here and been honest.hopefully you can start to have a plan in place when the urge turns to action.can you physically distract yourself with something else that will help.or something to override that urge with a wake up call.i write down how much I owe and much I'm paying off and that's enough to make me cringe.i also can go to a family member who will talk me through it .......at least the blocks stopped any damage .rest of today is a new day....onwards and upwards x

Not good but good went on laptop and first search bought up a site not excluded from signed up went to deposit page cancelled it and have put k9 on laptop and self excluded too as it’s not slow as I thought. I am determined I’m going to beat this god awful addiction. I went on auto pilot while I was joining the site I can’t get over what a hold it’s still got, maybe always will? I stopped it though didn’t deposit and barred myself from any further opportunity for temptation. I’m hoping I’ll look back on my diary still gf weeks from now and learn from it. The reason I stopped myself depositing was the accountability I have on here and all the brilliant advice and posts off brilliant ppl. Some words have stuck in my head and they were going through my head at that precise moment so thank you from my heart everyone you’ve helped me stop destroying my life. X

Hi Lulu,

you didn't deposit which is massive and you should give yourself such credit. Just hang in there and pick up a stick and just keep fighting off those horrible urges and voices, you will do this.

Wilsy xx

Phew pay day wobbles lasted three days. Got my equilibrium back and positivity at last again. I did it too, when I found a way I stopped it and built up blocks again. That’s because of this site. Reading, posting it all helps me so much as only my neighbour and counsellor know. If I waffle I’m sorry but I’ll take anything that keeps me gf 🙂 Day 18 tonight

Sorry Cookie I missed your post thank you. I’ve been too busy venting and waffling that I missed it lol. Yes I’ve been distracting myself but when I signed up to site on my lap top I’d already gone into that gambling ‘haze’ but it was the words ppl have said to me on here and stuff I’ve read that got through and stopped me actually depositing. I think too because I’ve got 17 days behind me the ‘haze’ wasn’t as strong so I could stop and think. It’s because I’ve been paid and knew there may have been a viable way for me to gamble (laptop) but I’ve blocked that now too as well as self excluded. One thing though that amazes me is just how many sites there are out there I must have self excluded from hundreds but I still found one! There really should be a blanket self exclusion for all online sites. Anyway I’ll stop waffling now I’ve posted on your diary Cookie, thank you again Lulu x

hi lulu, Nice to here that you are staying strong and thx. for all your posts and responses to others posts, I think that's really nice. And, I wish you a great day today! Is that your dog in the picture, profile pic.? cute. tara2

Hi Lulu, thanks for posting on my diary.

These urges will invariably come during these early stages of recovery. I bet there’s not a single person on this forum that hasn’t been tempted to deposit/gamble during the first month. It happens. It would be ABNORMAL if after all these years of being a compulsive gambler, that we suddenly stopped thinking about gambling. It doesn’t work like that.

The mind takes time to adjust to life without gambling. There will be hiccups/obstacles along the way.

So I wouldn’t worry too much.

The main thing is you’re still gamble free tonight 🙂

Dan x

Hello Lulu,

Keep staying away, it does get better. Just need to let some time pass. Make sure them blocks are as tight as they can be.

Hi Wilsey sorry missed your post yes thank you I’ve got a tree trunk for a stick lol thanks Wilsey x hi Tara yes that’s my baby lol she’s a lifesaver as I take her out and walk off the urges love her to bits she’ll be able to have more chews not I’m not gambling too lol Thanks Dan that has made me feel better I really thought I was losing the fight but like you say it’s just an obstacle x thanks sjw yes it will get better thanks for the reassurance much needed x

18 days! Not waffling today. I will do this!

Had my hair done and it looks really nice if I’d still been gambling wouldn’t have been able to afford it also having some beauty treatment Wednesday when I get paid my small wages eyebrows shaped and tinted have wanted that doing for ages but always blew my money on those awful slots. As long as my debts are paid though I’m happy anything else is real treat. 19 days tonight best of wishes everyone x